How Soon Is Now?
by DarkBard0
Summary: Introduction - As JJ and Emily get closer, Emily discovers some truths about JJ. Set not long after Emily arrives in season 2. Love/family/fluff mostly. JJ/Emily, don't like don't read!
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: How Soon Is Now?  
**Author:** darkbardzero  
**Fandom**: Criminal Minds  
**Pairings**: Emily Prentiss/Jennifer Jareau  
**Ratings**: PG-13/15  
**Disclaimers**: All things Criminal Minds belong to people other than me. I just write stuff  
**Author's** **Notes**: Erm…yeah okay…don't ask me where this came from. It's not really a usual thing, I guess. It's just an idea that wouldn't leave me alone, and after some polishing and dusting, apparently it's good to go. I'm not so sure, personally, but I'm the bitch of 2 very scary girls, lol!

**Thank You: **As always, **SofiaLindsay** for doing the beta thing and calming me down during freak outs and kicking my ass when needed. The same goes to **LeilanniL** who has had to talk me round a few times! I'm a chore, so thank you muchly.

Despite her hardest efforts, getting out of work on time was a difficult goal to achieve for Jennifer Jareau. Long ago she had accepted that she had a messy job that held messy hours. She had also accepted that she was pretty much on call twenty-four-seven too. She did it because she had to. And she was devoted to her job. Devoted to the cause, to making sure that her side of what she and her team did ran smoothly. The cogs were oiled, making it easier for them to do their jobs.

She took care of the paperwork, the red tape, the fat cats of the FBI who had either never been out in the field or had been so long ago that they didn't remember, who all demanded explanations and often scrutinized both her and her team's decisions. She handled every query that came to the BAU, every email and phone call. Every request.

She spoke to the Sheriff's, the Detectives and Inspectors. The distraught family members. She played ringmaster to the press, fielded their constant questions and controlled the flow of information that came in and out of this unit. The unit she loved. She was aware of every single Agent in her unit; from the primary team that she worked alongside with to the junior Agent's fresh out of the Academy that did the basic things that the profilers didn't have time to do. She was aware of each of those Agents' specialties, and assigned the cases appropriately. Causing her to have to read every single detail of every single case. One horrific murder after another. One disturbing child molester after another. One harrowing rapist after another. It never stopped. But she handled it.

She handled the pilots of the jet, handled the booking of hotels and other means of travel if it should be needed. She handled each everyday person that her team could offend when they had tunnel vision, and weeded information out of them when they clammed up, because she was the sensitive one. And she still ran with the investigation, contributing, asking questions, being right there in the field. And during each case, she never knew what else would be required of her. Protecting a witness. Raiding houses. Organizing searches. Whatever it was, she did. Because she was devoted.

With everything asked of her, JJ did her best to step up to it. For all of this to be placed on a relatively young Agent, she knew she had to prove herself. It had come as a shock to her, being given the responsibility of being the BAU's liaison so early. Sure she had flown through school and college with ease. Had excelled in the Academy. JJ had worked hard to gain her high grades. Still, she had been a fresh-faced green Agent with barely an introductory period to her position before the old one had bailed. He had been an odd man. The look of him still made her shudder. Because she had seen through his eyes that his soul had cracked, haunted by the things he had been forced to see day in and day out. That sure had been a welcoming and encouraging realisation. Right then JJ had questioned herself relentlessly on whether she was capable of this. Because deep down, under her complications and depths, she was still Jennifer Jareau from a rural farming town in Pennsylvania. Third child to Michael and Edith Jareau, blacksmith/farmer and housewife respectively.

But she had coped. Because she was devoted. And she soon found herself warming to the people around her. Soon found that she was capable, could take on this responsibility. She found that she was damn good at her job, and that one person could change a lot. Also with her individual contribution, the unit actually functioned better. The people even responded better, because her being there lifted their spirits. Because she knew how to relate to people. That was her thing. She had always been a people person. Handled them well. It was in both stark contrast and irony then, that she actually kept people at a sufficient distance that was both comfortable and heartbreaking.

Jennifer Jareau just did not let a lot of people in. And over the course of the past 5 years, 3 in the BAU, she had shut her borders even tighter, kept them under constant guard should they be tempted to even try and let anyone else in. Not only because of her job. But because she didn't think she could take another personal blow like the previous two. She was done. So she reduced her life down to the basics. Her job of course, and the only thing that could override her devotion to it.

''I'm home.''

Today was one of the days when she had won the battle to escape work on time. Practically on the dot, she mentally added. It had though, required her to bring some of her work home with her, but JJ was prepared to make that sacrifice. She would much rather be pouring herself over case files in her home than in her secluded little office. An office which was full of death and misery, whereas her home was full of life and happiness.

Smirking as she felt the muscles in her body begin to relax, JJ shut the front door before tossing her keys into an old wooden bowl on the small hallway table that also homed a lamp and a picture of her with her older brother and sister, along with her younger sister. Taken two months ago at the family's monthly get together that she always tried her best to make. She had missed the one after. Had instead been searching South Carolina for a killer that liked to embalm his victims after snapping their necks and playing house with them. Even the rest of the team had been freaked out when they had located the house of horror, finding five victims all posed in different positions, as though they were a family. It had been a particularly grim case. One that had also been startlingly and disturbingly ironic to JJ, considering she was supposed to be back home right then. It had been the night that she had tried to drink away the ghosts of that case with Emily, Morgan and Garcia, resulting in her calling her Mother at an ungodly hour and crying her apology for not being there. Using alcohol to drink away the monsters they were left with was something JJ rarely did. An after work drink, a night out or something like that was different. Purposely setting out to get plastered because the image of the dead was burnt into the back of your head was another. It was a path that none of them could afford to let themselves go down.

JJ shook off those memories as she put her briefcase down next to the table, letting herself relax and for the meanwhile, switch off from her job. The strikingly beautiful twenty nine year old Agent left Agent Jareau at the door and immediately stepped in to the only other role that she loved more.

''Mommy, Mommy!''

Although, she did use her FBI training to brace herself for the hyper blonde smudge that came hurtling toward her. JJ never tired of having that reaction. No matter how exhausted she was, how hard she had hit rock bottom with a case, she always appreciated what she had, right here. And that was family. It was love, pure and unconditional. The delight in her daughter's voice was the best drug in the world. It even beat coffee.

Without missing a beat, JJ reached down and swooped up the excited five year old into her arms. Immediately, the little girl wrapped herself around her in a tight hug, one that she returned, wrapping her arms around her both lovingly and protectively. And she sighed. Out of relief, out of love, out of having something so precious to anchor her down and give her life a meaning and purpose so entirely different from what she did. She was a Mother. She loved being a Mother.

''Oh my baby girl, I missed you today.''

JJ held her daughter close, one hand moving to stroke through soft blonde hair. Her blood, her flesh. Her angel. It had never been her intention to get pregnant, especially at the ass end of FBI training. She had freaked at first, having been sent into a complete tailspin. She thought her future plans were over. Thought she would have to tell the FBI 'actually, thank you but no thank you'. Until she had been forced to calm down by her older sister, who had been the one she had ran to.

Meredith had a way of making things better. At boiling things down so they were less intimidating. JJ often mused it was a trait she had learnt from their Mother, and in fact, she had learnt it too. There were just certain times that JJ had the inability to use the quality on herself. That had definitely been one of those times. She remembered her sister calming her down, telling her everything would be fine. Of course the first question was on whether JJ wanted this baby, and she had been surprised at herself for instinctively and immediately saying yes. Without a doubt she did, despite having never thought about children before. While her brother and sister had both settled down and had started families by that point, JJ had been all about school and her following career. But there had never been another choice for her.

It had been difficult of course, finishing the last weeks of training and preparing for a child. But in her way, she had stepped up to the challenge. Decided that she didn't need to change her plans, she could be a parent and still take her offered place at the Bureau. So she had, and she had never looked back on either decision. No matter how hard things had been. She didn't regret a single day. Amelia Hermione Jareau was the best thing she had ever done.

''I missed you too Mommy.''

JJ smiled, letting Amelia shift in her arms and readjusting her hold on her so that she was carrying her daughter at her side. Making sure it was her left side, of course. Considering her gun was attached to her right. It struck her sometimes, that if someone were to take a picture of her in these moments, together with Amelia, they would capture something that spoke volumes.

The hard working, devoted Agent with a steely resolve yet pure of heart. Stood in her professional attire, smart yet stylish. Today a black suit with a crisp white shirt, hair down smartly. Badge in her pocket, gun on her hip, cuffs at her back. Today she was the stereotypical looking Agent. Yet, with all of that, with her hardware safely attached to her, she wasn't just an Agent. She was a Mother. Having her daughter safely secured to her hip, and everything about her gentle and loving. Taking care of an innocence that she never wanted to see break.

Amelia was all pink ribbons and teddy bears, smelt like a 5 year old should and fresh air, soft and sweet. Everything in contrast to where JJ had arrived home from. One place so horribly harsh and hard, the other soft and loving. Which was why she drew a rather distinctive line between her home and her work. Sure they had to crossover. She brought work home, but she never let Amelia see it. She never visited the things she saw on her daughter. Amelia just knew that Mommy had an important job to do helping people. Aside from that, she didn't need to know. JJ desperately fought for her daughter's childhood, because she deserved it. Because she had a right to it. And because she had seen so many kids have it ripped away from them.

''Oh yeah? How much?''

JJ watched in unadulterated fascination as her daughter thought for a minute. Found herself smirking as she bit her bottom lip lightly as a thoughtful crease made its way down Amelia's beautiful face. The cogs could be seen to turn through crystal clear blue eyes as they concentrated in that adorable way that kids concentrated. Possibly one of the cutest things JJ had ever witnessed. And she witnessed it a lot. Amelia was a curious girl. She was smart, wanted to know everything. JJ was still having trouble accepting her little baby was starting school in August, having just turned 5. Which was probably going to be harder on her than Amelia.

''Hmmm..._this _much!''

JJ's hold compensated for the quick movement Amelia made as she jerked backward, animatedly throwing her arms as wide as they could go, a huge grin gracing her features as bluer than blue eyes danced. Everyone always commented on how much the little girl looked like her, a spitting image. Garcia had quickly dubbed her 'Mini-Jayj', and of course, the name had stuck. JJ laughed, leaning in quickly to kiss Amelia repeatedly as she tickled her lightly, making her squeal.

''Still not as much as I missed you! Tell me what you did today, sweetheart. Did you have fun?''

JJ felt the day she had spent in an inordinate amount of meetings, facing the press and hunching over countless of crime scene photos and disturbing details start to slip away from her. It was Friday, and unless an extremely urgent case came crashing into the weekend, the blonde was both relieved by and looking forward to two whole days of uninterrupted time with her very excited daughter. She longed for that time, often wondered if she were doing the right thing in juggling such a heavy career and her Motherhood. Felt guilty for those nights that she was across the country somewhere, and all Amelia wanted to do was hug her Mommy after a bad dream.

But she also knew thinking like that could drive her slowly crazy. Today, in the very least, she decided to keep those thoughts at bay. Decided to let the vibes of her home relax her, lull her into a comfortableness that she could only feel by being somewhere she felt happy in. And she certainly did here; in the house she had made for Amelia and herself. It was full of life and energy, cozy and lived in. A home you could without a doubt tell had a child living there, right from the atmosphere, to the toys, the pictures and the growth lines that were drawn into a special plate of wood every birthday and christmas to see the progress. It was a happy home, with still a sense of JJ's own individuality too.

''Had fun Mommy went swimming but one of my armbands got broked so got new ones they's pink with yellow daises and we fed the ducks and went shopping, and I dropted my ice cream...''

Obviously delighting in the chance to talk about her day, Amelia set off at an extraordinary pace of speech that had taken JJ a little adjusting to when her daughter had began to talk. Some of her words ran into each other, in her enthusiasm to get them out. Like if she didn't quickly enough, the words and thoughts would disappear. In her rush she blurted out obviously the most significant things she had remembered about her day, but in absolutely no particular order. JJ already knew that Amelia had been taken to the park, but she also knew she went in the morning, before she had been taken swimming. Still, it didn't matter. All that did matter was that she was encouraged and supported. She was a kid, after all. Just a little five year old girl, excited enough to be practically bouncing in her arms.

This was how she was supposed to be. How she was supposed to talk. JJ hoped that Amelia would never loose that sense of enthusiasm, that innocence and curiosity. It was all too precious. But some people did keep it. She had some herself, as did some of her friends, family, her team even somehow managed to keep some. Reid in particular.

''...but the nice lady gots me 'nother one.''

Amelia finished off, smiling brightly as she started to loose momentum because her focus was now being diverted to one hand playing with her Mother's hair as the other fiddled with the simple silver necklace JJ had worn today. The blonde was highly amused how something shiny could distract her daughter. The same was very true of Garcia. Shiny or fluffy. Whereas it usually took something smothered in chocolate for Emily, and something very caffeinated for her.

''Did you say thank you?''

Amelia nodded quickly, over emphasizing her nodding motion as she did.

''Good girl.''

JJ placed another kiss on Amelia's head before moving off down the hallway and through the house. Instinctively, she knew that her sister would be in the kitchen. And considering there was music floating from there, it gave her a pretty big clue.

Now 23, the youngest of the siblings, Lauren, was definitely a huge help. She had moved over to D.C to go to college, after taking in her big sisters footsteps and earning herself a scholarship, though for her it was running track. Lauren had taken a major in English literature, and was now attending grad school to work her way into teaching. She was a godsend as far as helping out with Amelia, especially when JJ had to go out of town for a case. And she was extremely grateful to her sister for that.

''Oh oh, you're home early, great! I can go!''

JJ had barely stepped into the kitchen and opened her mouth to speak before she was spotted, and Lauren became a motion of movement. The youngest Jareau had very similar features as her older siblings. Clear blue eyes, sunshine blonde hair and pretty features. She had been leaning on the cooking island centre kitchen, flipping through a magazine. Now however, she was in a state of flurry, which made JJ smirk slightly.

''Hello. Nice to see you too! Got a hot date or something?''

JJ retorted playfully, lifting an amused eyebrow as her sister turned every which way to get her stuff together. Lauren looked over, grinning widely, indicating her response. The devilish look made JJ smirk wider and raise the other eyebrow.

''With that basketball guy?''

Lauren paused in gathering her things together to look toward JJ and level her with an admonishing look and sigh. She then tutted with a roll of her eyes.

''JJ, his name is Warren. You're an FBI Agent, you'd think you'd remember his name and stop calling him _Basketball Guy_!''

Lauren berated, making JJ grin in rebellion, although she tried to bite it down as not to get her ass chewed even more. But all she could think was how cute it was to see such a cool headed woman become a little whirlwind of fluster as Lauren flapped around the kitchen. Granted, she had had a crush on this guy for a little over a year. But he had been dating someone, and had become single a little over three months ago. Lauren had been the picture of self-restraint; most of her friends had already thrown themselves at this guy. But Lauren had been his friend. It spoke a volume about her, in JJ's eyes. And even though she hadn't had chance to meet and interrogate him yet, JJ had hoped that he would be able to see that he could have a really good thing.

''Yeah yeah. So when do I get to meet _Warren_?''

Lauren scoffed, turning toward JJ once more now that she had collected her things.

''What so you can terrify him with your gun and steely gaze and basically threaten to kill him? No no, not happening again. You almost made the last one _wet his pants_!''

JJ grunted at the memory, remembering very well what she had said to Lauren's last choice in boyfriend. A little smarmy toad of a guy, which had surprised her seeing as Lauren had a much better sense and taste than that. But as soon as she met him, JJ heard the alarm bells go off in her head. And after the first time he had messed her little sister around, she had had words with him that might have been strictly considered threatening someone's life. But she didn't care. Big sisters prerogative.

''He deserved it Lauren, he was a snake.''

She pointed out quickly, a slightly firmer tone edging into her voice though she did try to let it remain soft. She wasn't trying to have a go, or coax the younger blonde into an argument. But she did want to make it clear that she had been in her right to threaten someone so harshly. All her life she had been protective of her family, but since Lauren was the youngest, everyone was even more so with her.

''Well this one isn't, trust me. And hey, I'm surprised you remember what a date is. Seriously JJ, get back in the damn saddle.''

Instantly knitting her eyebrows together, JJ stepped around her sister and toward the fridge, feeling her barriers shoot up so quickly it almost gave her whiplash. She didn't like being provoked, especially about this. Especially not after a day like today, and especially not in front of her daughter. Amelia still happily sat in the comfort of her arm, at her side. And that's all she wanted to do right now, concentrate on her child. Forget everything else. Which included the motto she had retained, forsaking relationships.

''Don't start Lauren; I so don't want to hear it right now.''

Though her family, many of her friends, wouldn't let her forget that. Continually pointed out that she should at least try. But she always shut them down, closed up. That was her way. Fantastically private, pushing people away when it suited her so she didn't have to hear things like this.

''I know you've been hurt JJ, but closing yourself off isn't the answer. Especially if there's someone you want to act on your feelings for.''

JJ sighed, rubbing her forehead slowly as Amelia continued to play with her hair. That definitely wasn't what she had wanted to hear. Tipping her hand to Lauren and indicating that there was indeed someone in the picture that she liked, was seriously not a good idea. Because it gave her sister something extra to latch onto. Gave her a reason to really start pushing her. And she did, every chance she got. She had also let Meredith and her brother Alex into the information. Now JJ was just crossing her fingers that it didn't spread to her parents.

''You're going to be late. Thank you for today.''

Lauren sighed, knowing she had been effectively and efficiently cut off. JJ was an artist at doing that, and usually in the most polite of ways like she just had. But there was no mistaking the tone in her voice. The look in her eyes. The conversation was over, when it really hadn't even begun. Still, Lauren knew that it wouldn't stop her. She would persist in trying to get her older sister to open up and see that she was hurting herself more than anyone else could get chance to. Especially when there was someone she had eyes on. Walking forward, she placed a quick kiss on JJ's cheek.

''Think about it, please. I hate seeing you so cut off.''

The smaller sister whispered, before stepping back and grabbing Amelia's face in her palms and planting a huge kiss on her forehead, making her giggle.

''Bye bye munchkin! Love you both.''

As Amelia continued to giggle softly as she waved her Aunt goodbye, JJ watched Lauren head out, grabbing an apple from the bowl on the island as she did. Despite herself, she smiled lightly. She did love her sister. And she knew that Lauren was only worried about her. But JJ knew what she was doing. She knew that this was best for her, and therefore best for Amelia too. She had her to think of too. So this was best. Reducing the risk of pain, for both of them. At least, that's what she kept on telling herself.

Letting out a slow breath, JJ forced the thoughts out of her head. And tried to force the images of Emily out of her head too, with little success. JJ had considered herself to be doing fine, until Emily Prentiss had come along. Had been going along smoothly, okay with the fact that she was single. It hadn't bothered her. With no one in the picture, it had been easier. Emily had been her downfall. Because Emily was beautiful. Emily was smart, and sexy, and thoughtful. Emily was adorably geeky, nicely confident and dryly humored. Emily was loyal, and compassionate, and a million other things. And JJ knew that she had never stood a chance, despite not having known her for very long. Because Emily was also a whirlwind, a force to be reckoned with. There was no resisting her. Only she had to. Because Emily was her friend. Her colleague. A woman that had given her no indication that she swung her way, or would be interested even if she did, despite all their flirting. And even if it could be, JJ still had her hang up on getting involved. In putting her heart on the line yet again, only to have it stamped on, yet again. And she didn't know Emily well enough to know if that would turn out to be the case.

''Well kid, it's just you and me.''

Of course Amelia didn't notice the saddened look in her Mother's eyes. Just instead saw her Mommy, who she loved and knew loved her. And she grinned widely, lunging forward again so that she could engulf her with another hug. And JJ sighed slowly, closing her eyes briefly as she held her daughter. The little girl she held in her arms was enough. As long as she had her, she would always be okay.

It was a couple of hours later, after she had gotten changed and she had settled down with Amelia, that JJ sat on the side of the bed. Surrounded by teddy bears and toys, fluffy contraptions and all kinds of pictures. Of dolls and little girl collectables. A brightly coloured but not over garish bedspread that engulfed the tired five year old.

They had chatted together for a little while, with Amelia explaining the rules in a new game she had learnt from her friend. As JJ had gotten herself some dinner, she had given Amelia some supper. After giving her a bath, JJ had let Amelia choose a short film to watch, and she had settled on the couch with her snuggled up to her. Yet again watching one of the many cartoons that Amelia loved so much. Which was okay, because it let her mind really switch off, indulging in the feeling of being totally comfortable, and having Amelia cuddle into her, slowly getting sleepier and sleepier until JJ had picked her up and made her way upstairs.

But of course, the movement had woken her up a little bit, so as she had been laid down in bed gently, she had muttered a request to be read to. And JJ had been all too glad to oblige, seeing as it was one of her favourite things to do. So she had picked up _Fantastic Mr. Fox _and began reading from where she had last left off. Until Amelia had finally slipped into a peaceful slumber.

JJ honestly didn't know how long she had sat and watched her for. Watched the little movements, the steady rise and fall of her chest, the twitches of her fingers. She looked so angelic. So peaceful. And so small and fragile. Part of JJ wanted Amelia to stay a kid forever, so she didn't have to grow up and see the world for what it truly was sometimes. She didn't want her to suffer any heartache, be put through the ringer with problems. But she also knew, was absolutely sure, that her daughter would be capable of handling it all.

''God I love you so much. You're the best thing that ever happened to me.''

Still now, after five years, JJ got blown away. It could happen a lot, in simple moments like these. When she could just watch Amelia. She had always been proud of her. Always felt blown away by her. She was something so special and unique. Something she had made. And she was beautiful. There was nothing JJ wouldn't do for her. She would sacrifice anything, give anything, do anything. Because at the end of the day, Amelia was her life. She was the most important thing to her, the be all and end all. She loved her more than anything else.

As long as her daughter was happy, that was all that mattered. She came above everything else, because that was how it was supposed to be. JJ was willing to hand over her life if she had to, walk across fire. Was willing to deny herself what she desired to have with Emily, even if the brunette offered it to her, because her daughter came first. Her siblings' musings on that if she was happy, Amelia would be happier didn't ring true. Right?


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter One**

Emily Prentiss let out a low, tired and frustrated sigh. She stood motionless in the middle of a busy police bullpen, one hand clutching the extra large take out coffee she had picked up and the other holding her head, her fingers having weaved into almost black hair. Around her, commotion. Like it had been for the past two days. Out in a quiet and lazy town, stretched across some of New York's countryside. Each of the five victims seemingly unrelated, they were yet to come across something that could link them. Though it was possible that this unsub was killing indiscriminately. It was a grim thought to Emily. Which was why she stood in front of the two massive white boards, scanning every detail they had come up with about each victim. There for everyone to see into their lives and deaths. Right now, this was all they were reduced to. Another grim thought.

The outfit she was dressed in was moderately professional; at least, she looked like she was some sort of professional. Donned in her preferred dark charcoal pants, one of her favourite shirts to match, the deep red one. She had left her matching charcoal jacket in the car, it was already warm enough out to forgo it.

''Okay honey, love you too. Bye.''

Emily turned her head at the now familiar sound of her colleague's voice, the only one that could pierce through her concentration zone out like that. An inquisitive eyebrow curved upward as JJ walked in, nearing her. Inquisitive, Emily let show. What she didn't let show was the disappointment she felt at hearing JJ call someone else honey, and having such a wonderfully bright sparkle in her eyes as she told them she loved them. Emily had been well practiced in hiding certain feelings for people. And she was pretty sure that JJ didn't have a clue that she pretty much thought she was the picture of divine. It was curious however, to see the blonde falter as she lowered the phone from her ear, because she spotted that she wasn't alone. Indeed curious. And Emily found herself not being able to pass up the opportunity to enquire.

''_Honey_?''

She repeated, feigning a look of amusement to hide her anticipation. Not that she was about to clue JJ into her feelings anytime soon. Or maybe she wasn't. She was still really trying to figure out how to do so, and if she should. If she should run the risk of the friendship she had been building with the younger woman. Because it was a good friendship so far. A solid one she thought. She trusted a scant few people, but JJ had earned much of that trust surprisingly quickly. Emily didn't want to throw that away. But she couldn't stop thinking about the possibility of more, either. Then there was the whole outsider thing. She knew she was still technically considered an outsider to a team that had made themselves family. Part of her understood that, part of her desperately sought approval and validation. But she had popped into their territory under troubled times and odd circumstances. But it had been JJ that had shown her the first display of warmth, and had continued to do so from then onward. Garcia was a sweetheart too. Morgan was still a little weary, trying to figure out and dismayed that he couldn't. Reid was…well Emily wasn't entirely certain what Reid was exactly. He was still shy and sweet around her, warming up bit by bit. Hotchner and Gideon she knew she was still a question mark with; they didn't quite trust her yet. Did she want to risk anything by turning around and asking one of them out? Especially JJ, the heart of the team.

The dark brunette watched JJ carefully, as again she faltered slightly, looking briefly uncomfortable. That was before she plastered a tight smile across her beautiful face, and dared to quicken her pace toward her again. Not the most convincing of smiles, Emily mused, but points for effort. It might have worked on just about everyone else. But Emily had spent a lot of time watching JJ.

''Oh, my sister. Checking up on me. Honestly, you'd think I was the youngest and not her.''

Plausible, Emily supposed. She didn't know an awful lot about the Jareau family. Other than JJ had more than one sibling, if she remembered correctly. Her parents were still together, living in the small town in Pennsylvania that JJ had gone to great lengths to get out of. Maybe not out of hate, or even dislike. But out of needing to do something else. Needing something to be different in her life, and not let that town own it. Emily could relate, in a warped way. She came from an entirely different background, but it was still one she had worked very hard to try and escape. They had both searched for purpose and some way to be individual, be who they wanted to be, and not tied down by the worlds they came from.

''That's nice. How many do you have again?''

It could have been that the brief look of discomfort she saw, was because JJ thought she had been alone, and she didn't often talk about her family at work. But now that she got up close, and moved to lean on the old desk near them, crossing her arms as she still clutched her phone, the discomfort had more or less vanished. Emily reckoned that perhaps she just startled her friend.

''Two. And a brother. I'm the third.''

Emily nodded, conveying through a look that she really did think that was nice. That having that kind of support from family was a good thing. Growing up with someone to talk to, was a good thing. She knew herself what it could be like to be an only child. A lot of the time it had been a lonely existence. Especially in the upper society world, and especially in the political world. Emily was glad that JJ had an entirely different experience to that. That she was close enough with her sister for her to check up on her and make sure she was doing okay during a case away.

They did a lot of this, especially lately. Speaking through looks. Through being close, even touches. They were some of the things that made Emily wonder if her crush, for lack of a better word, was actually a two way thing. Because then there was the flirting. But JJ was hard to read sometimes, and Emily drew the line at profiling her. She didn't want to invade her privacy; she wanted to earn the right to be let in. All the time she found herself watching JJ, she was doing just that, watching. Appreciating. Picking up on the little things she did that she found cute and quirky, sometimes even frustrating. It didn't matter. Because she liked to see all the little things that made the blonde herself. But she didn't analyze them, relate them to anything. She just liked to watch.

Taking in a slow breath, Emily pointed idly just behind JJ, not wanting to give away that her eyes were lingering all too long on her. Because they were. JJ looked so beautiful today. Like she always did. How she managed to always look so radiant, Emily couldn't figure out. After two days here, she looked like she hadn't slept a week. But JJ? She was as stunning as ever. And this particular day, she happened to be wearing one of Emily's favourite outfit combinations. Those form fitting but not unprofessional light brown pants, with an elbow sleeved white with small strips shirt and that gorgeous mustard coloured sleeveless pull over that she adored. Silky blonde hair was pulled up and tied in that way that when she moved, the ponytail swung gently. It made Emily lick her lips slowly, glad that JJ didn't see it because the younger Agent turned, spotting the other coffee mug immediately.

''Thought you might appreciate it instead of the sludge we've been living on.''

She explained, glad to see the smirk curl its way onto JJ's lips as she picked it up and turned back to her, obviously very grateful. The Sherriff's department they were practically living in seriously needed to learn how to make coffee. There was the usual police issue sludge, but then there was this. Even JJ had had a hard time downing it, and she was usually immune to it, given she was the most hardened coffee drinker. The office jokes about JJ and her coffee were a dime a dozen, and Emily smirked as she thought about how anyone hardly ever saw the blonde without a coffee in her hand, or at least nearby.

''Oh you so need to marry me.''

The blonde joked, making Emily snicker playfully.

''You only want me for my coffee!''

She pretended to wail accusatorily, not being able to remove the big ass smirk that she always seemed to get when she was joking around with JJ. The words always seemed to come so easily. She had never related or connected to someone so easily. Which again, she thought could have proved something. But she was confused. They did some light flirting, which could always be laughed off if they wanted it to be. That if anyone else heard, they wouldn't make a big deal of it either. Like Morgan and Garcia. But there had been times when there would be something behind the words, and a look or a touch, that just said so much more than what had been spoken. Lately, Emily was becoming pretty sure that there was actually something going on between them. Unless she had totally misread their energy. The energy that had just built and built from day one. Sooner or later something had to give. One of them was going to have to tip their hand.

''Don't be so sure.''

JJ muttered around the lid. Emily wasn't sure if she had supposed to have heard that or not, it came out quietly, a more serious tone adopted for it. It was these moments, right now, that she honestly thought something could happen and was happening. You didn't just say that. You didn't just say that and sound so serious about it. It was becoming a more frequent event too, and Emily decided that maybe it was getting time to just put it out there. Get it over with. Tell JJ how she felt, and just see what happened. There were really only three possibilities. Either she wasn't interested at all, she was interested and they agreed to try something, or work would get in the way. The risk seemed to be one she was about ready to take.

''Jennifer Jareau.''

Before Emily even got a chance to respond though, there came a call from across the bullpen. It didn't seem to stop the commotion, and only just carried over the ringing off phones and the wave of voices, but it carried well enough to be heard very clearly. Too clearly, apparently. Because as soon as the voice reached their ears, JJ cringed immediately. Emily watched as the blonde's whole body tensed up, her jaw clenching slightly as she scoffed bitterly, eyes gazing toward the floor for a moment as if she were preparing herself.

''Shit.''

And in a matter of seconds, Emily could swear that she felt the cold front breezing around JJ's space. It startled her, as the younger woman rose from her perch, how different she was. How icily collected and withdrawn she had just become, adopting a posture and look that was so brutally closed off and professional that it was almost scary.

''Well well, our paths finally cross again. I've been waiting for this.''

Instinctively, as she turned, Emily took her place by JJ's side as the other voice continued, suddenly feeling like that's exactly where she needed to be. Every hair on her neck stood on end as she watched the woman that had called JJ's name inch closer, an almost predatory smirk leveling her lips and dancing in her dark, hazel eyes. She was stunning, really. In an almost offensive way. Her dark chocolate skin was flawless around a perfectly structured face. Make up, hair and clothes all impeccable. If she had seen this woman in a different circumstance, Emily would have mused just how gorgeous she was. A cold stone knock out, really. But seeing as she had pulled that reaction out of JJ, she automatically didn't like her now. Knew that there had to be something about her, because JJ just did not have that kind of reaction very often. Especially when she had been so relaxed. And it took an awful lot to make JJ absolutely dislike someone like that.

''Well, that would require you to have been waiting for a serial offender to strike New York, so I'll just leave that alone, shall I?''

JJ replied coolly, a biting tone laced through her voice. Sharper than any other time Emily had heard it. But she didn't falter, didn't look shocked. She didn't want to help give this woman a rise.

JJ herself, having folded her arms protectively now, clenched her fists tightly. Every one of her muscles was riddled with anxiousness, with extreme discomfort. But she was pretty sure she was doing a pretty good job at hiding it. Apart from Emily. She knew Emily had noticed because she had stepped close to her, and she was thankful for that. Not in a protective move, but just one of support. Emily was like that, and she valued it.

''Someone is still a little bitter. How's Amelia?''

''She's fine.''

''She must be getting pretty…''

''Look, if you're here for my press conference, I can have an Officer show you to the pressroom. You're not supposed to be back here.''

The unknown woman, who had been very effectively cut off, laughed lightly as she looked down slightly after being shut down. Apparently, JJ wasn't willing to give an inch. Her tone had turned from cold professional to harsh and indeed, bitter. Defensive. Aggressive. There was no mistaking her feelings around this reporter, and Emily found herself wondering exactly what she had done to her friend.

''Right. All business are we? Fine, I thought maybe enough water would be under the bridge by now.''

JJ scoffed, smiling bitterly as she shook her head. The memories flashed through her mind, reminding her of just why exactly she had ended up cutting herself off romantically. And the pangs of betrayal still stabbed as sharply as they had that day. Right in the side of her gut.

''That'll never happen, Renee. I don't know how you would expect it to. Now, just go and do your job and let us do ours.''

''Don't expect me to give you an easy ride, just because of our history.''

''Get over yourself, there are bigger things at stake here.''

Renee sighed, knowing that she was sailing a sinking ship as far as JJ was concerned. She looked down again briefly, licking her lips slowly before looking back up and smiling politely toward Emily before offering her a hand.

''Renee Jennings, New York Times. You're Agent Prentiss, I presume. Pleased to meet you. Sorry about this, you know how exes can be.''

Emily didn't need to be a profiler to know what Renee was trying to do. Elicit a response. Cause tension and discomfort. She was lashing out the only way she could think of, because she knew she was fighting a loosing battle. This was her last parting shot. Outing her and JJ's history, which effectively outed JJ. And although internally Emily was both extremely shocked yet extremely glad and hopeful, she didn't show it on the outside. She didn't even blink. There was no way she was going to give this woman the satisfaction of knowing that she had given something private away about JJ, which she knew would greatly upset the blonde.

''No, you pretty much deserve the cold front from what I've heard of you.''

She replied smoothly, darkly. Not letting her voice give an inch either. She watched Renee watch her for a moment, intelligent if not rather malicious brown eyes trying to weigh her up. Then she cast a look toward JJ, a disbelieving snark crossing her lips.

''Please, as though I'm going to believe you know anything of the sort. I know JJ, you can't bluff this one honey.''

She replied eventually, eyes flicking back toward Emily, who wanted nothing better than to just throw the garbage out into the trash.

''First of all, I'm not your honey. Second, you don't know the first thing about her, and if you did, you wouldn't be standing there making a fool of yourself by being a bitch. Now, like _Agent Jareau_ said, you have to go wait with the other reporters. This is a restricted area, and _we_ have a killer to catch.''

As Emily said it, she motioned toward a passing Officer, who stepped up toward them.

''Please make sure Miss Jennings gets to the press room?''

The Officer nodded, towering over Renee until she finally gave in and went along with him. In her wake, things between them were silent for a moment. Emily had no idea what to say, given that it was so personal. Was JJ ever going to tell her that she liked women? Or was it that one woman? The countless of questions began to float through her head as she tried to work things out. Part of her thought that JJ would have told her already, but then, she hadn't told JJ. Despite their energy, they were still building trust, still making something of their growing friendship.

And really, who wanted to rehash bad experiences with exes unless they really had to? There was no reason she would have talked about Renee before. Still, this opened up so much more insight into JJ. And left room for a thousand new possibilities in Emily's head. But she also knew that JJ had just been forced to give away something about herself. And for someone so staunchly private, the brunette knew that would be extremely hard. She would be feeling vulnerable, angry even. She had to handle this well.

''You okay?''

The words slipped out softly, but not so softly that it was pampering or patronizing. JJ was still looking off into space, in the general direction that Renee had been lead away by the burley Officer. That was a blast from the past she had never really expect to pop up, even though they were in New York. She had heard some time ago that her ex girlfriend had landed a position in the crime division of the NYT. She had wondered if and when they would collide again. The thought had always left a bitter taste in her mouth. Like the memory of Renee herself. She had managed to destroy every single good memory JJ had had about the two of them, in one fell swoop.

''Thank you, for not playing her game. That was good of you.''

The blonde muttered distantly, not being able to bring herself to look at Emily yet.

''I care about you JJ, I wouldn't give anyone that satisfaction.''

This time, at the ultimate sincerity behind Emily's words, JJ did turn to look at her. The vulnerability in her eyes, the nervousness and fear was both unmistakable and heartbreaking. Emily could tell that JJ was frightened at being so exposed, at being given away. Especially by someone that Emily could tell that she used to love.

''Jennifer, what she said, I don't care about. And I won't tell anyone; I'd never do that to you. Don't shut down on me, please? You don't need to.''

JJ looked at her for a long moment, as though she were trying to decide whether or not she did indeed need to. Emily found her breath catching in the back of her throat, and she realised what a momentous moment this was between them. She just wished it wasn't happening in the middle of a case, whilst they were stood in a busy bullpen. JJ was about to conduct a rather sizable press conference, for which Emily was going to be in attendance for. It was her first time standing up with JJ, and she had to admit to herself, she was rather nervous about it. Usually, if one of them needed to go on with her, it would be Hotch. But he was with Reid, a couple of towns over. Whereas Morgan and Gideon were in New Jersey. All of them were following up leads, after they had picked up the scent of a very possible suspect. Emily and JJ were remaining here to run the brunt of the investigation, and analyze every piece of information that came into the office. Of course, likely useful information was channeled to Garcia then, and her almighty computers.

Emily decided that it was time to make herself a little exposed too, and as she put her hand on JJ's arm softly, she portrayed through her eyes that she was not only telling the truth, but she understood. And she was there for her, as a friend, and possibly more. She let JJ see, even though unspoken, that there was something special there, only for her. She knew that it would need to be talked over, to be really defined at some point later, but she only needed to get enough across so that JJ wouldn't shut her out. So that she would let her be there for her, as she desperately wanted to be.

''What she said was true. We were together a little over two years ago, and I loved her very much. She wasn't so vindictive, then. But it fell apart. She blamed me, blamed my work. And she used it as an excuse for cheating on me, with an old friend of mine. As far as I know, they're still together. Obviously she's still intent on making me brunt the blame, considering what she just tried to do. I'm sorry I didn't tell you I'm gay, but it's just…''

As JJ relented, obviously deciding that Emily could be trusted, the older woman found herself both upset and angered for the blonde. How anyone could actually cheat on her, she didn't know. But then have the nerve to make out like it was her fault, that was just wrong. And Emily could tell that JJ had taken some of that on board. That it made her think maybe part of it was her fault. As far as she was concerned, Renee was just insane. Giving someone like JJ up was insane. And how she lived with herself for hurting her so obviously badly, Emily couldn't figure out either. She couldn't do anything like that to her, given being granted the same opportunity as Renee. She was so angry that the woman had just abused such a wonderful thing, and still not realised what it was that she had lost.

''I understand. Trust me, I do. I'm glad you're telling me now. You know you can talk to me, whenever you need to. And I'd just like to make it clear, JJ, that what she did is not your fault. You gave her something precious and she sabotaged that all on her own. Something that I would never dream about doing to you.''

JJ opened her mouth to respond, but stalled as Emily's words caught up with her. She frowned lightly, in slight confusion, as they echoed around her head. With all that was going on, the case, the flurry around them and the onslaught of varying emotions at seeing Renee again, JJ was finding it hard to think. But she was pretty damn sure that Emily was trying to tell her something. A distinct something, that basically came down to all their harmless flirting wasn't really that. It meant something. Everything meant something. Emily liked her, even wanted to do something about it. Wanted what Renee had, and was indicating that she would do it right. That she would love her back and not dream of hurting her in such a way.

It terrified her. Because no one could promise that. Because maybe she really did push Renee into cheating on her, maybe she had kept her too far away, or put her job before her. Maybe it was all her fault, that she wasn't there enough. She had tried. Actually, she hadn't suspected that anything was wrong until she had walked in on her lover and friend. An image she didn't savor but stuck with her anyway. Renee had never indicated any problems. And she had seemed to be fine with the fact that she had a daughter. In fact she had been really good with Amelia. But in the end, she had landed the excuses on her. That she was too closed off, that her job was too interfering and that she was too complicated and had too much baggage. JJ wasn't stupid. She knew Renee considered Amelia to be her baggage. And for that she could never forgive her for. Ever.

Who was to say that things would be any different with Emily? Because after Renee, she had ended up having a short respite before rolling into what had started as a rebound thing, but turned into more. Until that had ended abruptly too. Maybe she was the one doing the sabotaging? Maybe she would be the one to hurt Emily. And there was the teeny, tiny problem that she hadn't actually told Emily. As much as they had started making friends, they still kept one another at arms length. She was sure Emily had her hidden secrets, just like she had hers.

It was the reason she had cut Renee off about Amelia, besides the distaste she felt that Renee should pretend she cared. It was because she required a complete trust with someone to starting talking about what she considered most precious in her life. And although she had been building that with Emily, she had never said anything. Never had reason to bring it up, either. JJ didn't often talk about her daughter at work, finding it too startling to bring those worlds together. Hotchner she knew felt the same, limiting his talk about Jack at work. JJ knew she would tell her soon enough, like she would have told her about her sexual preferences in due time. But all of this was forcing her hand and she didn't like it.

''Agent's? Your technical analyst is requesting to speak to you.''

The connection between them was broken, but JJ could tell Emily had seen the fear in her eyes and had questions about why it was there. She knew Emily wouldn't leave this alone, now that she knew there was a chance. And in one respect, she kind of liked that. But on the other, things were so unbelievably complicated now, that she didn't know what to do about it. The only thing she could do was focus on her job. So clearing her throat, she broke the eye contact, and both of them set about doing what they were supposed to be doing. She could think about the rest later.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Two**

''Oh my god.''

The words echoed around the room slightly, bouncing from the stone walls, as they fell out of JJ's mouth. Full of horror and disgust. Full of the sickness that she felt stepping in here, her disbelief even after what she had seen so far working on this unit. This had to be one of the worst. This was one of those times when later, she would worry that this would swallow up her soul till there was nothing left, just like the Agent she had replaced. It would cause her to stagger home, numb and disheartened, make her sit in her daughter's room for sometimes hours or even all night, thinking how in the hell she could explain things like this to her. How she could break her heart, and tell her what Mommy really did, what was out there, what she saw. It made her question herself, and people in general.

A hand followed her words. As her right hand gripped her gun securely, the back of her left came up to her mouth. Partly in her shock, in her absolute abhorrence. The other was the stench. The smell of so many things, that shouldn't even have a smell. But you learnt quickly on this job, that they did. Like fear, and pain, and horror. Torture had a smell. Death had a smell. And all of that was right now blended together, smothered with the stench of decomposition.

The day had progressed bit by bit, with the team following up a series of substantial leads; both from the people Hotchner, Reid, Morgan and Gideon had talked to, and also from the general public after JJ's press conference. It felt like the whole world was watching, the public interest was so high with this case. Even more press had turned up, all there to eagerly report on every single thing the BAU did. All questioning and demanding. But JJ held her own, like the ringmaster she was. Never loosing her cool, never missing a beat. Even as she had been grilled by Renee, who had lived up to her promise of not giving her an easy ride. But this was JJ's show, and she had gotten the upper hand, much to Renee's annoyance.

There had barely been time for much of anything. As these things could happen, the series of events leading up to the arrest of the unsub had happened extremely quickly. There hadn't been much time at all for personal issues. Though, the energy had still been there. And both women had been even more aware of it than ever before, painfully so. The comfort they took from the looks, the touches, they were full of something else now. A knowing, a heat and longing. There was no hiding anymore.

It didn't seem to matter here. It all seemed so trivial right now, so petty. Because here she stood in this dank, horrid little basement, surrounded by bodies. So much more bodies than they had ever thought they would find. One was slumped in the centre of the room, illuminated by a large light in the ceiling. So bright that it almost looked like a spotlight. She was on her knees, only held up because her arms were shackled and strung up. Her weight was slumped, head had rolled forward probably even before the moment of death. She was smeared with dirt and blood, as the floor was spattered with it. Surrounding her, a litany of corpses, showing her just what it was she had to look forward to. To be thrown into a corner, possibly slumped over another defiled body.

JJ didn't even startle at the loud and solid thud from upstairs, followed by Morgan's distinct voice shouting out for all to hear that he had the unsub in custody. She guessed he had tackled the guy to the floor. She hoped it hurt him, because he deserved it. There was a flurry of sounds after that, even more so than there had been before. Lots of voices shouting as every nook and cranny of the house was searched. It was so still down here, in this tomb. The tomb that she and Emily had walked into, as they had been searching the house too. Had found the tattered doorway as they had been checking the kitchen, and followed the wooden, narrow stairway down. She didn't know exactly how long ago that had been. It felt like she had been standing here forever, in her shock.

''Get to the basement.''

JJ blinked as Emily's voice cut through her daze. She blinked, her head turning slowly so she could look at the older woman. She didn't stand too far away from her, and held exactly the same look in her eyes that JJ knew she had in her own. Had also lifted one of her hands to cover her mouth, trying to temper the smell. Those dark orbs flickered up, after she had called out, and looked directly at her. JJ saw how disturbed they were, how harrowed. And suddenly she didn't feel to bad at being so affected by this. Emily brought her comfort even now, because she knew she was feeling the same things as she was.

''Sweet Jesus…''

Both Agent's turned as the first person made it down the stairs. A rather young, quite green Officer from the Sheriff's office. Immediately, upon what he saw, he turned pale. And just as immediately, he turned back up the stairs, ushering others out of his way so that he could get outside, probably to throw up. Understandable.

There really wasn't much to be said. The air in that basement as the FBI and police alike absorbed what had been found, had been profound. They had caught a monster; something so sick and twisted that he better belonged in horror tales. There had been nothing anyone could say.

JJ had offered a few kind words to the sickened young Officer, who had indeed emptied his stomach outside the house. No one gave him a hard time about it. After that, it had been her job to drag herself back and stand up in front of the press, tired and haunted. And it was although they could sense the change in her; see the ghosts in her eyes. But it was over. Maybe not for the families of these victims, not for the prosecutors or the police who were left to ID the rest of the bodies, but the BAU had done their job. And it was time to go home.

Hotchner had given everyone a choice. Considering that it was late when things had been finished, they could either crash in the motels or continue on, heading for the plane. Each one of them had opted for the plane, wanting to get home. Wanting to feel familiarity, warmth. They wanted to be somewhere they knew was safe, somewhere they loved. So they had gone back to the small motel, to grab their things.

JJ had no idea what she was doing standing outside of Emily's door.

''Hey.''

The blonde blinked slightly as Emily answered her knock, seemingly surprised but relieved at the unexpected call. JJ had already finished getting her stuff together. It never took her long to pack up, because she didn't tend to make her rooms personal. She didn't put things out; try to make them feel more homely. Partially because it was a futile effort, and partly because she knew she would rather pack up quicker, in an effort to get home quicker.

''Are you okay?''

JJ blinked again, forcing herself to focus again as Emily stood to the side, opening the door properly and gesturing her in. All the while looking at her with concern, with such warmth that JJ did actually feel a little better, even though she didn't really know what she was doing here right now. Even though, she moved into the small room, practically identical to her own.

''Rough day.''

She mumbled, taking a place on the edge of the bed, given that it was the only place she could find to sit. Emily had her ready bag open on the lone, wooden chair of the room. This room felt nicer than her own had. But she thought maybe it had something to do with Emily's presence. With her smell. She did that. Made places like this seem that bit better just by being there. Secretly, JJ loved it when they had to share rooms, just for that purpose. Sometimes, waking up in the dead of night to instantly feel Emily's presence in the room, or to hear her soft and steady breathing, was the only thing that could get JJ back to sleep. The only thing better would be if she were able to curl up next to her, wrap her arms around her. Have her arms around her. But it was something she didn't know if she could stop denying herself. If she had read the signals right in the first place. She was still a little confused about what Emily had said this morning. Wondered if her friend was just trying to make her feel better, or had implicitly tried to tell her something.

''Yeah. This is going to take some time. Hasn't really sunken in yet, what we found.''

Emily shut the door, her eyes dropping to stare at the floor as she turned around to face her guest. The images popped up in her head again, and yet again it caused her stomach to flip. She remembered standing there, and just feeling empty. She had put herself in this guys shoes. Into his head. A head that could do something like that. She didn't want to be anywhere near it. Didn't want to carry anything of him in her own head, but she knew she would. She knew she did, every time. Like they all did. It was their sacrifice. Their burden. They gave up so much to do this. And it alarmed her, even more so than this getting into her, that it came anywhere near JJ. The thought of it was so alien. How what she saw today could get near something so pure and radiant. But at the same time, maybe selfishly, she was relieved that it had been JJ down there with her. Relieved that it had been her eyes that she was able to look into.

''I erm…this might sound kinda weird, but I'm glad it was you down there with me. I mean…not that I wanted you to see that, I didn't…I just…I don't…damn it!''

Seeing Emily struggle wasn't something you could easily watch. It wasn't something JJ could easily watch, made her heart throb and sink slightly. It wasn't ever that Emily let her vulnerabilities show. Wasn't often that she gave anyone an insight into just how much all of this affected her. In her own words, she tended to compartmentalize. What that really meant, was that when she was alone, everything that she stored away would filter out, grip her so hard that no one would probably believe her if she told the truth. Getting to know Emily more and more since they had started working together and making friends had taught JJ that. That on the surface, Emily may have come off as the calm and collected, even sometimes perceived as cold, exterior, but she fit that saying exactly – still waters ran deep. And Emily did run deep.

Whatever it was going on between them now, however much JJ was confused or personally exposed, she couldn't watch Emily struggle in such a way. Couldn't leave her to her turmoil. Instead she lifted herself from the bed, taking the few steps across the room and without hesitating, without missing a single beat, she wrapped her arms around her, embraced her tightly. One of those full contact hugs, so practically every inch of them was touching, so Emily could hold on tightly; bury her face in her shoulder for a moment. So that both of them could feel every breath the other took.

''It's okay Em, I get it. I felt the same way.''

She whispered, though loud enough to be heard and sincerely enough to stop Emily from completely freaking out. She felt the older woman's body shake against her own for a moment, a deep breath being taken and expelled, felt the hot hair dance along her neck and make the whole of her skin tingle. Felt Emily hold her tighter, press against her that bit harder. It brought every single nerve ending to life. It hit JJ that she had never had Emily in her arms like this before. They had touched, hugged…but nothing like this. Not so much so that the dark brunette smothered and took control of each one of her senses, make her head thicken with want and feeling. Made her get so dangerously close to just screwing the line in the sand she had made and towing over it without a second thought. Emily was in her arms, right here and right now. All that she was, all that presence engulfed around her. So soft and strong at the same time. It was a distant thought that she was supposed to be supporting her friend, not thinking like this. Not letting herself become reckless, not letting hot and unrelenting arousal course through her body.

On what must have been some autopilot or the side of her that wanting to screw her lines, she moved to place a kiss on Emily's head, reveling in the softness of her hair. Her mouth moved down slightly, placing a continuous line of kisses down to the brunette's temple, as Emily stirred slightly in her arms, lifted her head up a little in response to the affection. And JJ knew, on instinct she just knew, that she didn't need to work out Emily's words from the morning. They weren't implicit, especially now. There was nothing implicit about the look, the feeling she could sense from the other woman, the heat radiating from her body against hers. Emily wanted her too, and the realization of it made her throb. Made her brain shut down temporarily. Because she wanted this. Or she needed it. And she knew the same was true of Emily. So she didn't stop. Kept placing tender kisses along the side of Emily's face, tracking a line to the corner of her lips. Emily moaned ever so slightly, as she worked through her upset to realise fully what was happening. To respond.

It was barely there at first. Though enough to hinder both of their breathing, to cause more pangs of desire to shoot through them. It was only the very corners of their mouths. So fleeting and gentle. Then once again, in the same place with slightly more pressure. JJ barely realised that she had slipped one hand to cover the side of Emily's face, the other cupping under her jaw line at her neck. Her body had pushed Emily's back slightly, back the couple of inches to the wall the other woman had been standing by, so that her back pressed against it now. They kept that pressure between them, unwilling to let even the smallest gap pry between their bodies. Emily had put her hands on her too, one on her side, the other on her hip, pulling her even closer, keeping her there. It felt divine.

The contact with their mouths got stronger as their confidence grew, one or both of them moving their mouths little by little, until it wasn't just the corners of their lips anymore. It was the full of their mouths, exploring the length and fullness of the lips pressing against theirs. And bit-by-bit, it got stronger. One of them requested entry, and the other granted it. Neither could recall who initiated it, it didn't really matter. They were lost in the sensation of exploring wanting mouths. Lost in the power it held over both of them. Tongues probed deeply, thoroughly. That too building in its power, in its intensity. Until it was a hungry, furious duel, with everything poured into it. Every ounce of feeling, all that want and energy.

A moan escaped into the air, guttural and deep, neither of them really knowing whose it was. It didn't matter; all that did matter was this kiss. That was so desperately wanted and needed. What had been building up all this time. The release of it felt good. Was possibly the most passionate they had encountered. And already time had become lost to them. Because right after Emily's hand had managed to slip under JJ's shirt, the pair practically leapt apart as there was a knock at the door.

''Guys, you in there?''

Emily's mouth dropped open slightly, the realisation of what just happened hitting her, the surprise running through dark eyes. Eyes that held so many questions, but so much hope and even some relief. She tried to get her breath under control as she ran a hand through her hair. Tried to let the event sink into her brain. JJ had kissed her. She had been waiting so long for that to happen that she almost couldn't believe it had. And if JJ had kissed her, especially like that, it had to mean she liked her too. Right? There was no way that there was nothing behind a kiss like that. A kiss that was pretty much its own phenomenon.

''Guys? Hotch is getting pretty impatient.''

As he inched into the room, eyebrows raised, Morgan completely missed the intensity of the charged atmosphere. Didn't take in the look on either of his friends' faces. Didn't register that both of them were slightly out of breath, still staring at one another until Emily turned to him, blinking slightly.

''I…erm…yeah, we're coming.''

She mumbled, forcing her brain to engage so that she could actually talk. But her blood still pumped through her, her heart still pounded against her ribcage, her mind still whirled. Every inch of her body tingled and throbbed. All of it wanting more, so much more. JJ's mouth was intoxicating. Addictive even. That's all she wanted to do right now. Keep on exploring the depth of her kiss. All her thoughts, her wishes, all of her fantasies and hopes, they all hit her at once. All sprang free of the little box she had tried to put them in. When she thought that JJ was just a good friend. All bets were off now.

The rest of everything else was a blur. It seemed like she slipped into autopilot to throw the last of her things into her ready bag, closing it up and then indicating that she was ready. Morgan waited for them, picking up JJ's bag and then taking her own, shouldering both before striding down the hallway, both of them hot on his heels. Emily didn't think she had so desperately wanted to talk to someone before, because she had a million questions in her head, and felt like she needed to unbottle all these feelings whizzing around her. Wanted to confess everything to JJ, wanted to know where they stood with one another. But she couldn't. They were around everyone else, and whereas she might have taken a few moments on the plane to talk, Gideon had sat across from where JJ had chosen to seat herself and started reading, leaving JJ to put her iPod on and stare out of the window.

As JJ stared out into the dark sky, watching the glittering lights beneath them, she tried to absorb what this day had brought for her. Personally and professionally. It had been a lot, and she was exhausted. Her body longed for rest, her mind for peace. She longed to be at home, wanted to see her baby. She would be asleep now, tucked up in her bed having dreams about kittens and swimming, about laughter and bunnies and playing with Mommy. Everything she was supposed to dream about. JJ desperately wanted to be there to watch her do that. Everything else was a swimming mass inside of her head. The complication of her feelings, the vulnerability that she had been forced to feel…the sheer horror of this case. It was mounting inside of her chest, and she couldn't think. She couldn't stop it from sitting there heavily, or stop the image of those bodies strewn in that basement. The woman they had been looking for dead. Nor could she forget the feeling Emily had left on her lips either, or what it meant. But she was so tired, and all she wanted to do was go home and go to sleep. So she ignored the look she could feel on her from across the plane. She couldn't handle this now.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Three**

''Did you cry?''

JJ frowned slightly, finding the question both odd and a little personal. She turned her head over her shoulder, slinging the older man in a tweed suit a confused and probably petulant look. She didn't move from her stance at the window, overlooking some of the extensive grounds of Quantico. She had been listening to the wind up clock tick rhythmically, and somehow she thought her breathing might have fallen into time with it as her arms wrapped around herself tightly. She didn't like being here, it made her uncomfortable. _He _made her uncomfortable.

''Excuse me?''

She replied, letting how discomforted she felt slip into her tone, as if he hadn't already figured that out from the fact that she had yet to sit down. Had bolted to stand at the opposite side of the room, sometimes pacing by the window, sometimes looking out of it wishing that she wasn't in this damn office. It was such a typical office for a psychiatrist too. The walls were in a deep brown or rusty red colour, and there was an extensive book collection. Lots of odd collectables that obviously lent themselves to the field. Two big brown leather chairs facing each other, a desk and the Doctor's credentials behind it. And it was all Hotchner's fault that she was here.

''After the case. Did you use crying as an outlet?''

He asked again, looking at her passively, but obviously deep in thought. He rubbed his well-kept beard a little as he waited for her response, not taking his focus away from her. JJ sighed, looking down to the thick carpet beneath her feet for a moment.

''Yes, I cried.''

She replied softly. After the plane had landed, there had been a scurry of activity. And luckily enough for her, Emily had been pulled aside by Hotchner, giving her the chance for an easy escape. Which she felt a little guilty for. She had pretty much left Emily hanging, and that wasn't nice to do. But she had just wanted to go home and let everything digest first. So she had bolted. And upon returning to her sanctuary, she had stepped in, numb to the core. The house was quiet, but Lauren had been coming out of the kitchen, so she had spotted JJ walk through the door. As soon as JJ saw her, she couldn't hold it back anymore, and the tears had broken.

''Alone?''

JJ shook her head softly, squeezing herself tighter as she tried to recoil from him. Not alone. She'd had Lauren. The little sister who had moved down the hall so fast that JJ had barely noticed, and Lauren had taken hold of her. At first JJ had just been too numb to move. Eventually though, she dropped her back and her keys and held on.

''No. My sister…Lauren, she was there.''

''How did it make you feel?''

''What?''

''Crying. Letting it out.''

JJ stalled for a moment, turning slowly around, letting her back rest up against the wall, her head on the window. She brought in a slow breath again, frowning in thought as she tried to collect her feelings on it.

''Good, I guess? What we see…what we _saw_ was…''

''Sub human.''

''Yes. I think that I…I'm entitled to cry about that. About what I know people do to each other.''

JJ let her flicker up again, to gage his reaction. She was surprised to find that he was still looking at her neutrally, still propping his chin up with his hands, his pen between his fingers, and he nodded. There was no judgment or patronizing in his eyes.

''So do I.''

''You do?''

''Agent Jareau, you haven't been sent here so I can see if you're 'strong enough' or anything. You're here because your team sees the worst of depravity, and yesterday was an extreme example of that. I'm not here to make you feel weak; I'm here to make sure you're all supported. To help you cope with what you saw, and make sure you have an opportunity for a healthy outlet. I'm also not going to run back to anyone and repeat what you've told me about anything.''

JJ looked at him for a moment, before letting out a low, rather uneven breath. That was exactly what she had been worried about. Hotchner had told her they were all going, even him. But she had been more than pissed off that she was to be the sacrificial lamb and go first. Finally relaxing a little bit, JJ moved forward and slipped into the seat in front of him, giving him a tight, nervous smile.

''I have a healthy outlet. And even if I didn't, or if that didn't help, I just can't hit rock bottom. I can't let it totally take over me.''

She explained softly, looking down again for a moment as she pushed some rebellious strands of hair behind her ear. Upon looking up again, the Doctor looked interested, finally letting his arm go to perch on the armrest rather than propping up his chin or stroking his beard.

''What stops you? Why can't you hit rock bottom?''

He enquired, almost just as softly. And perhaps for the first time, JJ offered him a genuine smile. Still a wearily tired one, still reeling from the previous day. But it was a heartfelt, meaningful one all the same.

''I have a daughter to raise. And I refuse to let this take me down, because then where would that leave her? I cope. I talk to my family, the rest of the team. And sometimes I cry. Sometimes I run. Sometimes I take Amelia to the park and just watch her play and remind myself why I do what I do. Sometimes I watch her sleep, or I get in and let myself fall asleep knowing that she's right there in my arms, safe and sound. Either way, I get up the next day, I be her Mother, I get ready and I come back to work and go at it again. And I don't stop valuing the things in life that make it good, big or small.''

Realising that she had said quite a lot, JJ stopped herself, looking a little sheepish as she cleared her throat, tucking her hair back again. It was true though, what she had said. It was the nature of this job to get downhearted sometimes, to even get beaten down sometimes. But she always managed to pick herself up, and usually she had help doing so. And she knew she had the strength somewhere, even if she didn't feel it all of the time, because she had Amelia.

Last night had been an example of the support she had. Lauren had been there for her, not needing words, just providing comfort. Until JJ had cried herself out. Got enough feeling back to shower and change, and then had slipped into her daughter's room. She had watched her face has she had dreamt, stroking through soft blonde hair. And she had stayed like that until she had felt okay enough to sleep. So she had slept there, with Amelia in her arms. It wasn't perfect when she had woken up, but it felt better. She was still exhausted, still sickening by the images fresh in her mind, and there were still personal complications. But it was better.

''What about a partner?''

JJ grimaced, again looking rather uncomfortable as she shifted slightly.

''Oh, no…err…we're separated. I don't…I mean…I'm single. Amelia sees her Father every other week or so, more if he's available. I have full custody. He's not…he has issues. But I…never mind.''

Before she could even say it, JJ stopped herself and closed her mouth. Taking in a breath, she cleared her throat again, finding an interesting spot on the floor to stare at. She pretended that she didn't nearly just blurt out that she had kissed a team member. Not just some little comfort kiss either. A full on, open mouth, passionate and no bars held kind of kiss that reached your very toes. She pretended that she didn't still feel it on her lips, that her mouth felt abandoned in loneliness now, that her skin still didn't burn where Emily had touched it.

''You have something on your mind?''

The Doctor probed, shaking JJ out of the memory. She looked over at him hesitatingly, weighing up her options.

''Well, I guess seeing as I've been forced into talking to a shrink I may well make the best of it right? No offense!''

He smiled at her nervous joke, shaking his head lightly.

''None taken. Go ahead.''

JJ took in a breath, nodding slowly, a trace of disbelief that she was actually opening up to someone, especially someone she didn't know, running through her. But she was doing this, ready or not. She needed to tell someone, try and work out something of what she was feeling. He was a shrink; he couldn't tell anyone else, it was kind of perfect when she thought about it.

''I…kissed someone, and I don't know what to do about it.''

It was an hour later, give or take, that JJ emerged back on the BAU floor. A little dazed, she made her way down the hall, bypassing the bullpen doors and aiming straight for her own. Somehow she did notice that it was quieter than usual, only a few Agents' moving about inside, and the hall was practically empty.

Still, she was too lost in the words from her therapy session to really take it in. She was still in shock that she had confessed so much. Admitted things she didn't often admit to anyone, even herself sometimes. But she had let it all come out, finding it oddly relieving to be in an environment where she could do that. Maybe it really did take someone that didn't know her to get her to do that. To understand even.

''Hey.''

Startling, JJ looked up as she stepped into her office, finding that Emily was sat in there. Actually, it looked as though she had been sat there for a while, as though she had settled in and made herself comfortable, leg crossed, suit jacket open, slouched ever so slightly. She had been waiting.

''Jesus Emily…''

JJ whispered breathily, her heart still jumping a little from the surprise. Emily sat up slowly, offering her an apologetic, flat smile. Now JJ really did feel guilty, she could have done this a better way. Should have. Emily deserved something more than her bolting for dear life last night. Had at least deserved a message indicating when they could talk. But she had offered her nothing, and she could see in soulful brown eyes that it had upset the other woman greatly.

Sighing softly as she rubbed her forehead, JJ let her tongue roll over her lips before she moved in, past Emily and behind her desk to sit down. By some miracle, it only looked like she had one message waiting for her on the desk.

''I'm sorry. Hotch said we could go. After we've had our turn with the shrink. I wanted to make sure you knew.''

Emily spoke calmly, the lilt of her voice missing as she did. She didn't really have enough energy to make it present. Last night had been a hard night for her, and she seriously was not looking forward to being shoved in a room with a psychiatrist for god knows how long. She was a profiler, she was meant to get into people's heads. She didn't like it when people who she didn't know or want try to pry their way into hers. So she supposed that made her the difficult patient, so to speak.

After she had figured out that JJ had bailed on her, Emily accepted the invitation for a drink with Morgan and Garcia. It hadn't done much to lift her spirits, but it had been better than going home alone straight away. They had just sat there, shooting the breeze, letting a couple of beers ease down before they all called it a night.

Once home, Emily had stripped, showered and tried to settle down. Being too tired to cook, she had ordered a little something, knowing she should at least try to eat. Only half of it went down, if that. She'd sipped on a little Irish cream before she had finally turned into bed, only to toss and turn for most of the night.

She was exhausted, so it was quite the relief that Hotch was letting everyone go home after they had seen the shrink. He had decided that his team needed a little personal time, and had organized them to have tomorrow off too, giving them a three-day weekend. She could have kissed the man, as she was sure everyone else could have the moment he told them too.

''I didn't, thanks for telling me.''

Emily nodded slowly, eyes staring at JJ's desk rather than at JJ.

''We don't have to be in tomorrow either.''

She added, figuring if JJ didn't know about today she wouldn't have about tomorrow. She had been in her session when everyone else had been told.

''Will you wait?''

JJ frowned slightly, confused by Emily's sudden question.

''What?''

''I'm next. Will you wait, so we can go somewhere and talk?''

Emily didn't need to say what they were to talk about, JJ knew all too well. And if she didn't, it was written all over the dark brunette's face. That lead feeling in her stomach appeared again, anxious at the thought of having to talk to Emily about what had happened. About how she felt. Because really, how was she supposed to tell Emily if she couldn't answer herself? If she couldn't make a decision?

The Doctor hadn't told her what to do, and she hadn't reached any conclusion. But they had discussed some of her feelings around it, and why she was feeling so uneasy. Why she had let past heartbreak dictate her present choices. The pros and cons of getting involved, of what it meant for her and her daughter. But yet, she still didn't know what to do, even though she did know that she wanted Emily. Even though she knew she still had so much to learn about her.

''I'll wait.''

She confirmed, gulping discretely as she gave Emily a firm promise. It seemed to bring the profiler some relief, and she offered another tired smile in thanks before she stood up. With a lingering look, Emily walked out of the office, resigned to her fate of seeing this shrink. At least she knew that JJ would be waiting for her when she got out, and they at least had the opportunity to talk.

Emily had been apprehensive throughout most of her session, wondering whether JJ would wait or not. But, if she had said she would, Emily was inclined to believe her. The blonde had made no such promise last night, it would just have been nice for her to stay. She mused on how awkward the air was between them in her office. It hadn't even been that awkward when they had first been introduced. When JJ had helped her settle in, had offered to let facilities management know that she would be taking the spare desk, and then had come in early to walk her through how things operated here in the BAU.

And right from then, they had hit it off. Emily remembered, distinctly remembered, the charge in the atmosphere. The lingering glances and the electricity they shared from right across the room. It was an instant attraction. It had never been quite so awkward as it had been in her office. But then, things had changed slightly.

Emily had done her duty, gone into her session and talked about what she was supposed to talk about. About how what she had seen had sickened her. About the things she did to handle those sorts of things. How she stopped thinking about the cases on her desk at the end of the day, and how she got to be Emily rather than Agent Prentiss.

It hadn't been as bad as she had thought. The Doctor was actually a seemingly nice guy, different from what she had expected. But still, she had been relieved to get out of there. And also very relieved to find that indeed, JJ was still in her office, just stalling for time until she was done. And within a matter of moments, they agreed that JJ would follow her to her apartment so that they could talk. Emily didn't know which she had been more nervous about, talking to the shrink or the upcoming talk with JJ.

So here they were.

''You have a nice place.''

JJ said lightly, though sincerely, still gazing around the condo. She wasn't at all surprised; it was exactly what she had expected. Refined and elegant, yet individual and warm. It didn't stand on airs or graces, but clearly showed the wealth of Emily's experiences and tastes. It was welcoming, and so personal too. JJ felt almost privileged at getting to see it, because it spoke volumes about the other woman, and she already knew how Emily didn't like to be on display to people.

And she also knew that Emily had a little bit of a shy complex about just how wealthy she was, liked to forget about it, liked other people not to think about it. Hell if she could get away with it, Emily didn't let them know at all. But clearly, this kind of place required you to have a substantial amount of money behind you. Not that it was something Emily saw as important. She liked that about her.

''Thanks. I erm…I could make us some tea or something? Feel free to put some music on or something…make yourself at home.''

If JJ hadn't have been looking at her, Emily would surely have slapped herself on the forehead for being so cringe worthily awkward. Taking a breath, she slapped herself mentally instead, telling herself to get a grip. This was JJ, for crying out loud. She wasn't going to shoot her. But the voice in her head reminded her that she might actually be daring enough to try and love her. Which was just as damn scary. But a kind of scary that was good. That made her know it was worth the risk.

As she set about her kitchen, she noticed that JJ slipped her jacket off, leaving it draped over the back of the sofa before moving over to her iPod docking station, and stood there silently for a moment as she rummaged through the countless amount of artists on there.

Finally, there was a small and light hearted grunt, a little smirk covering her lips, as the younger woman put the iPod back onto the station, letting the notes of _How Soon Is Now _by The Smiths float out. It surprised Emily, a lot. Because for that to be the first song on, JJ must have put one of her playlists on, and she would never have expected JJ to pick it with what was on there.

''You like this sort of music?''

She asked before she could stop herself. Again, it was time for that mental slapping. Of course she must have, otherwise she wouldn't have put it on. It brought home the fact that she didn't actually know very much about JJ at all.

''I know, Morgan teases me all the time about being a dark horse, but yeah. I like a lot of music actually. You'd be surprised.''

Emily nodded; getting the picture that JJ wasn't all she appeared to be. Like she already didn't know that. But, she was getting to find out first hand. And hopefully, she would get to explore what there was behind the wall. And hell, if JJ listened to people like The Smiths, The Who, The Doors, Pink Floyd and all the rest that were on that playlist, so much the better!

JJ let her eyes linger on Emily for a moment longer, a moment too long. Because she saw Emily see something in her eyes, work bits of what she felt out. Turning, she pulled in a slow breath, moving over to the glass to look out over the Capitol. It was quite the view, breath taking really. She wondered what it looked like at night, with the lights sparkling brightly, rather than what it looked now, just past lunchtime. Either way, it was definitely an enviable view. For the second time today, she found herself wrapping her arms around herself and staring out of a window, deep in thought.

She could feel that presence again, but so much stronger now. She was in Emily's domain, and now that she thought about it, it was rather stupid of her to agree to talk here. But for some reason she had. Maybe she knew the reason, deep down. But she told herself that she didn't, and it was idiotic of her to come here, where she would be surrounded by Emily.

Emily herself watched JJ curiously, wondering what it was that she was thinking about. She'd already been on a rollercoaster ride, now Emily was wondering if she was pushing her too much, asking her to talk things over. Felt a little guilty in case she was being too selfish, too quick. Maybe it hadn't meant anything really. Maybe it had just been a reaction to the day. It was possible.

But…the way she had kissed her…

''Em…? I can't…I want you; I do…but I…as soon as I saw you, I knew. You have no idea how much…I just…there's…god…''

As JJ started talking, her voice barely above a whisper and barely able to make it over the song, Emily looked up, wondering if the blonde had somehow heard her thoughts. As her heart began to thud against her chest, she left the tea, not really knowing why on earth she had suggested making some anyway when all she really wanted to do was kiss JJ again. And upon hearing JJ's words, she moved through her living room, coming to a stop just behind the blonde, who had now rested her forehead against the class, her breath lightly clouding the glass.

''JJ.''

Emily placed her hand on JJ's shoulder gently, indicating for the other woman to turn around. She did, slowly. And Emily expected her to look upset, but she didn't. She looked a little troubled, but she was biting her bottom lip gently, and nothing could hide that want in her crystal blue eyes. Nothing could hide that her breathing was slow and shallow, or that her eyes kept dropping to look at lips. It happened again.

Emily felt that charge again. That heat and electricity flowing between them, heavy and unique. Her own breathing dipped a little, it being stolen away by the woman in front of her. She reached up, brushing silky blonde strands out the way of JJ's face, brushing fingertips down her soft smooth skin as she went. The action she noticed, made JJ shiver and bite down a little harder, closing her eyes as she took in another breath.

''Emily…''

Emily stepped closer; enticed by the warmth that JJ offered, the way she leaned into her touch ever so gently. She took a moment, waiting for JJ to look at her; glad to see that her eyes had changed colour, dipped a darker blue, but hadn't lost their brightness. The blonde's grip on herself loosened, and Emily didn't object to feeling a hand slide onto her side, the faintest of touches, but it was still there.

In the back of her head, she acknowledged that the track had changed from The Smiths to Led Zeppelin's _Since I've Been Loving You_, perhaps ironic for a couple of reasons. It didn't stop her from leaning in, giving JJ ample time to move. She didn't. She stopped, only millimeters away from JJ's mouth, feeling her breath on her skin like she knew she could feel hers, and that hand on her side tightened its grip, fingers sprawling and clutching, the other moved to her hip. And then she closed that tiniest of gaps.

This kiss didn't start as timidly as the last one, but it was slow and lingering and hot. It started as deep single kisses, open mouthed and filled with the same intensity as the air was, even more so. Every time their mouths touched, bodies came alive. And that's the way it stayed for a couple of moments.

Languid exploration, with Emily pressing JJ into the glass lightly, a hand in her hair, the other having moved up to her neck. She felt so good, tasted so good. She didn't want to stop. But she remembered JJ's hesitancy, and wondered if she was pushing her again.

''Tell me to stop, and I will.''

She whispered sincerely into the blonde's mouth, causing a pause between the kisses. There mouths were still open, barely touching now, and JJ opened her eyes, trying to regain some logic in her over stimulated brain. But all she couldn't think about was Emily.

All she could feel were her hands and her mouth and her body, the way she walked, her smile and the sparkle in her eyes. All that mystery in never ending depths. She had wanted this for so long, and right now, she needed it. And JJ wasn't sure on whether it was a mistake exactly. But maybe it was worth taking the risk. Maybe if she ducked out now, she would regret it. So she didn't.

Instead she initiated the next kiss, drawing Emily in deeper, and after a moment requested access into her mouth which was readily granted. Mistake or not, this was happening.

The rest of the afternoon was filled with skin, with exploring mouths and hands, with moaning and panting, fistfuls of bed sheets, probing fingers and tongues, kissing and writhing. There really was no turning back now.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Four**

''Oh Jennifer, could you come over here for a second?''

JJ cringed slightly at both the contrite and overly pleasant voice of her neighbor and the use of her name as she beckoned her over. All around her, JJ was swamped with happy kids who were playing games or splashing around in the huge paddling pool sprawled out on the generous lawn for the birthday party that was taking place. A birthday party that she thought she was going to miss, until Hotchner had given the team today off.

When Amelia found out that Mommy was staying home today and going to the party, she had been ecstatic. It was Amelia's best friend in the whole wide world, a boy that lived next door but one to them and went to the same morning class pre-school as she did. Or had. Now that was over, it was summer and shortly enough, she would be starting school with many of her friends right here at the party.

JJ mentally cringed, shuddering slightly at that thought. Then, she rolled her eyes at herself; she had turned into one of _those _Mother's. But she drew the line at standing at the school gates and crying!

''Sorry guys, I'll show you later, okay? Go play!''

For the past hour, at least, JJ had been running around with the kids after they had dragged her off, playing games and in the past ten minutes, sitting on the lawn and showing them some magic tricks. It was hot out, but she hadn't had much opportunity to really feel it. Her clothes were still damp from being jumped all over by the kids who had been playing in the pool. Including her own.

Scooting off a few of the kids, before grabbing Amelia's face in her hands and kissing her cheek before shooing her off too, JJ pulled herself up off of the grass, brushing herself off as she made her way over to the desk of the house, chuckling lightly at the kids' antics. It was nice to hear their squealing and laughing filling the air, being surrounded by innocence and happiness. They were living in ignorant bliss, and it was brilliant to see.

Stepping up onto the deck, JJ suddenly got the distinct feeling that the woman that had called her over, one Gail Bins, was about to try and set her up. Again. It made her sigh inwardly.

Gail was such a busy body, always thinking she knew best. She was a nice enough woman…most of the time. But she was up tight, judgmental and narrow-minded. And her jealous streak ran a mile wide. Plus, she was a gossip. Gail lived on the end of their quiet little family street, and if there was anything remotely interesting going on, or even not so interesting, she would know. And of course, she would open her mouth and then the news would travel faster than the speed of light.

JJ had been moved in two days before the entire street knew she was an FBI Agent. Still, there was nothing she could do about it. Gail's twin little girls were friends with Amelia, also having been in her pre-school class. Though, they wouldn't be starting school together, Gail had chosen to send her girls to some elitist Academy about an hour away.

Stood next to Gail, was a man she had never seen before. Maybe just a little older than herself. Cute, as far as guys went she supposed. He was tall and built, defined features that made him look like one of those hunks from TV that played the masculine but sensitive guys that all the women swooned for. He was definitely an attractive man.

Floppy, dirty brown hair and clear green eyes. He seemed shy, a little out of his depth. Who could blame him? He was surrounded by PTA Mother's at a kid's party who were all whispering and gushing over him. It seemed to make him a little uncomfortable. In his arms sat a little boy, maybe around three, and at his side stood a little girl, hiding behind his leg a little bit, clutching onto his jeans with his hand on her head as if he was trying to comfort her.

''I just wanted to make sure you both had met; Sam here lives a couple of streets over. Just moved in with his children. No wife however.''

Gail almost tripped over herself eagerly, gesturing between the two of them as she dished out the information she had collected, eyeing them both up suggestively. Even giving JJ a small nudge with her elbow as she made it clear that he was single. As she did, JJ noticed Sam look down briefly, and looked at her firmly.

''Thank you, Gail.''

JJ's tone was the ever so pleasant but dismissive one that she tended to use with the press sometimes, but usually worked on Gail. Grunting happily, the older woman slinked off to join some other Mother's, whispering between them as she looked over now and then.

JJ scoffed and shook her head, looking down for a moment before looking back over at the poor guy that would get eaten alive by Gail and her cronies if she didn't protect him somehow. She felt compelled to protect anyone new from them. So, doing her duty, she offered out a hand politely.

''Jennifer Jareau, but everyone that isn't in Gail's pack calls me JJ. Welcome to the neighborhood.''

Sam smiled and shook JJ's hand, tucking his son up his arm a little more. He looked at JJ, finding her refreshingly different from everyone else here. For starters, she was in some dark blue jeans, and a white vest with an elbow sleeved, dark rusty brown open shirt. All the other Mother's he had seen were in some sort of sundress. Which was fine, he just noticed that she stood out.

She also seemed to be the youngest woman here, and a lot of the other women tended to watch or even glare at her, whispering in their little two's or three's. He guessed that they found her some sort of threat, and he wondered why. Besides being single, evidently. Gail had said so. Maybe that was enough for her not to be trusted.

''Sam Farmer, nice to meet you. Sorry, I feel a little…out of my depth!''

JJ smiled, nodding as she flashed her eyes wide for a moment, gesturing with her hands.

''Oh, what being thrown to the PTA wolves and not so subtly being introduced to _the _only single parent here isn't your idea of easing in?''

She joked, flashing him a warm smile to indicate she knew exactly what was going on. And what's more, she knew it wasn't him, it was Gail. Sam seemed relieved, letting out a breath as he nodded.

''Pretty much. Nancy invited us to the party. You know, we're new and I thought it'd give the kids chance to settle in and make some new friends. Then that Gail woman pounced on me and insisted she introduce me to you. Sorry.''

JJ grunted, flicking her wrist flippantly.

''Don't worry about it; she does it _all _the time. She's _that _neighbor. But she's mostly harmless. All the kids are really nice though, I'm sure your kids will find some friends.''

Sam smiled, encouraged as he looked down at his daughter, who was looking up at JJ with interest but still hiding out.

''What do you say honey, you wanna play with the other kids?''

The little brown haired girl shook her head, inching further behind him. JJ smiled, crouching down so that she was at the girl's height.

''Hey sweetheart, I'm JJ. What's your name?''

The girl looked at her wearily, looked up at her Dad who nodded with a smile, then looked back at JJ.

''Gracie.''

''Gracie, well that's a pretty name for a pretty little girl. How about you come with me and I'll take you to meet some of the kids? I promise they're really nice. And my daughter is over there too, I'm sure she'd love to meet you.''

''Can my brother come?''

''Sure, if your Dad says it's okay.''

Gracie inched out from her hiding place, taking JJ's offered hand before she stood up. Sam was agreeable to letting his son, Tim; go with them, letting JJ take custody of him into her arm. Slowly, knowing she had a little girl in tow with her, she walked over to the other kids, calling a couple of them over before she knelt down on the grass. Sam watched from the deck as JJ began talking, and after a few minutes, a blonde haired girl, presumably her daughter, took Gracie's hand and led her away to play.

''She's very good with kids.''

He looked around, smiling at the only familiar face, Nancy. She stepped up next to him, handing him a drink for which he smiled thankfully for.

''I don't think Gracie has ever come around so quick.''

He observed, making Nancy nod.

''Don't worry, she'll be fine. Especially with Amelia, she's just like her Mom. But…I have an idea what Gail told you. JJ would be happy to help you out, be your friend and have the kids make friends. But that's it. She's not interested in anything else, and she would tell you the same. I just don't want you to be disappointed by making a move and having it being rejected.''

After the 'picnic' and the presents, and after the cake, the party began to filter out. JJ had watched Amelia take Gracie under her wing and couldn't help but feel outstandingly proud. She had enjoyed playing with Tim, fussing over him and playing little games with him. She suddenly missed Amelia being that age, and wondered if she'd ever have the opportunity to do it again. Doubtful. Given that she seemed to be making a grand mess of her love life.

As the day went on, JJ had thought about the previous day. The feel of Emily's kisses, how her senses had been intoxicated by everything she was. The feel of her hands on her body, the feel of her skin. Everything about yesterday had been amazing. And thinking about her made her body crave the other woman, desperately wanting more.

She remembered every second of her exploration of Emily's own body, memorized her sounds and movement, her taste. Yet, here she was, ignoring each call or message that the dark brunette left her. Because after it was all over, in the late afternoon/early evening, JJ had run scared. Told Emily that she wasn't sure if she was ready for this and that she needed to think. It was a lie, because JJ didn't need to think. She wanted to be with Emily.

So she didn't know her very well, you had to start somewhere, right? You didn't know anybody till you _got _to know them. But it was her past demons that nagged at her. The memories of what Renee had done. She had to carry around that image of finding the woman she loved in bed with her friend. Just like she had the memory of the woman that had popped into her life next.

''Hey.''

JJ looked up at Nancy from her position of sitting on the deck, feet dangling off the side. It was late now, just growing dark, and most of the kids had gone. Just a few of them left that would be spending the night here. Amelia sat in her arms quietly, trying to fight off sleep as she played with the band on JJ's wrist. Her head was tucked into JJ's arm comfortably, tired blue eyes drooping bit by bit.

It was still warm out, and now that the pool was over with Amelia was dressed again. JJ smiled briefly as she thought about how Amelia had talked absolutely none stop when she had gotten her changed in the bathroom, absent mindedly letting her Mother dress her as she did.

''Hey. I think I'm going to take Amelia home; she's worn herself out. Thank you, it was a great party.''

Nancy smiled and nodded.

''You're welcome. I hope that whatever's been on your mind today…or whoever…works out.''

JJ looked at her friend quickly, an expression covering her face that only made her look guilty and busted. Nancy was a good friend, one that had genuinely offered her help and welcomed her here when she had moved into the house just before Amelia had been born. Their kids were best friends, and they spent a lot of time talking.

Nancy was glad to help out when JJ got unexpectedly called away and Lauren wasn't around. Or even just did smaller things like watch the five year old for an hour whilst she went out on a run. She had always had the uncanny ability to read her like a book, though.

''What makes you think it's a 'whoever'?''

She wondered lightly, even though she knew it was a waste of time to act innocent now.

''JJ, please. If it wasn't for the look in your eyes, then you looking at your phone all day might have been a give away. Look, you're a great girl; you know what I think of you. And Amelia is one of the happiest kids that I've ever met. Doing what you do, you need some of your own happiness. _Give in _already! You having a love life is not going to cause Amelia any harm, but it might cause you some if you keep pushing people away. Whoever this woman is, just…let her in. You deserve it.''

JJ snickered lightly, looking down briefly as she licked her lips, taking a breath in before she looked back up.

''Been talking to Lauren?''

Nancy just gave her a lop sided smirk.

''Maybe. Do you honestly think that letting yourself be happy will be detrimental to your little girl?''

JJ sighed again, looking at Amelia who was practically asleep in her arms now. She bowed her head, placing a kiss on her head as she breathed in slowly. Amelia sighed softly, her fingers ceasing in playing with her bracelet now, little hands going still as she finally gave in to sleep.

In her head, she knew, logically she knew that Emily wasn't the kind of person to purposely hurt anyone, especially a child. She had seen her with kids at work, and she was nothing short of sweet. She was good with them. And really, JJ knew that she would be good with Amelia too. That's if JJ got chance to explain.

She cringed slightly, thinking of that conversation. How was she supposed to go about that? 'Oh, sorry I slept with you before I told you I had a kid, want to grab a beer?' She had an awful lot to explain, and she was pissed at herself for not resisting her urges long enough to do it before she ended up in Emily's bed.

''You can't turn every woman into Renee, JJ. It isn't fair. Give this one a chance.''

Two hours later, JJ found that Nancy's words were ringing in her head. She couldn't stop thinking about them. It wasn't fair to make Emily into Renee before she had even let her in. Was it fair to put her off because of the past mistakes with others, either? Probably not.

And she couldn't get the woman out of her head. Still felt the touches across her skin, still felt her inside, whispering to her how beautiful she was and how much she wanted her. She had made sure that she had been comfortable with everything she had been doing, showed her so much respect.

Everything in JJ's head was telling her to be smart and let this happen. To take her chance, and to trust Emily. Because it was _Emily_.

The blonde looked at her phone, sitting silently on her nightstand. It had stopped alerting her of text messages and calls during the mid afternoon. Obviously Emily had been put off by her lack of response. It was still early, maybe she could call?

''Mommy?''

Snapping out of her thoughts, JJ looked up from her position on her bed. After putting Amelia to bed, she had sorted a couple of things out around the house, put the bathing suit and towel from earlier into the washer and taken her own shower, after which she had settled down in her room to watch some TV with a couple of beers.

It was still early, but watching TV in bed had been more appealing than watching TV on the couch. It wasn't often that she had the chance to just relax. And after running around with the kids so much today, a task that should have been introduced into Quantico training, she was pretty tired anyway.

''What's wrong baby?''

JJ sat up as Amelia toddled toward the bed, sniffling as she rubbed her eye with the back of her hand. It was only when JJ sat up that she knew what was wrong.

''I wet the bed…m'sorry…''

The sniffling turned into crying now, and JJ tossed her cover off and pushed herself out of bed, swooping down and picking her daughter up without a second thought, she didn't care that she was wet. Amelia leant into her, wrapping her arms around her neck tightly. JJ walked toward the hallway, moving toward the bathroom as she kissed the side of Amelia's head.

''It's okay sweetheart, accident's happen. Let's get you cleaned up, huh?''

After giving Amelia a quick bath and getting her changed again, JJ changed the bedding and took her daughter downstairs to make her some warm milk. Now that Amelia was awake, she seemed reluctant to go back to sleep again.

Instead, she clung to her Mother, half awake and half asleep, refusing to go to sleep or bed anytime soon. JJ just knew it was going to be one of those nights, where Amelia was going to be unhappy with just about anything, and would be contrary to everything.

So the FBI Agent put off her thoughts of calling Emily until tomorrow, instead paying mind to her daughter and her current disposition. And indeed, it was a long night. After Amelia slipped into sleep, JJ put her to bed; feeling exhausted enough to crawl into her own. Only to be woken up a couple of hours later by a still fussy little girl, who ended up falling asleep an hour or so later in her bed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Five**

''Amelia, come here and finish your breakfast please.''

JJ stood by the coffee pot, leaning her back on the counter as she held a cup to her mouth with both hands, savoring the smell and the taste. Not to mention the booster it would be giving her after a long night of being woken up and then getting dragged out of bed stupidly early. Today it seemed, was going to be very similar to last night. Amelia was still in a difficult mood, having a stubborn head on that she had to admit wasn't dissimilar from her own.

''No!''

JJ sighed softly at the shout from the living room, which was where Amelia had stormed off to, leaving her breakfast barely touched. Kids were kids; they were bound to have highs and lows like everyone else. They were supposed to have tantrums and be difficult and object to everything you said. But it would have been so nice if they didn't choose to do it first thing in the morning!

And somehow, JJ didn't know exactly how, but children seemed to know just what to do and say to annoy people the most. They were experts in pushing buttons, and Amelia was no exception from that. JJ knew she had done it to her parents too. In fact, she had been a hell of a lot worse than Amelia was to her.

''Amelia Hermione Jareau, come back into this kitchen and eat your breakfast, or we don't get to make those cookies you wanted to make for your Dad.''

She warned, fetching out her 'stern Mom' voice that made Amelia recognize that she was in bother and dangerously close to being in a lot of trouble. The blonde knew that she would have to somehow adjust Amelia's mood before her Dad got here at lunchtime to pick her up, or he wouldn't be able to handle her. Like she had told the FBI shrink, he had issues. Dealing with Amelia when she wasn't in a happy, pleasant 'I'm an angel' mood was one of them. That left it down to her to sort out.

JJ had to bite back an amused smirk as Amelia huffed her way back into the kitchen, climbing up onto her seat with a little petulant scowl on her face. She huffed again before she picked up her spoon, glowering over at her Mother before scooping up her cereal and starting to eat it again.

JJ thought it had to be one of _the _cutest things, that scowl was so adorable. She just couldn't show Amelia that. She didn't want her to think that this kind of behavior was amusing, because really, it wasn't and she had to know that she couldn't act like this. Of course, she would continue to, as well as she would into her teenage years, but that was normal. JJ knew she couldn't give her daughter the impression that it was fine to do it though.

''Thank you.''

She did however; want to give Amelia the impression that when she behaved, or at least did as she was told, that she appreciated it. Positive reinforcement. You learnt something when you grew up with three siblings, had nieces and nephews and hung around a bunch of profilers. JJ just wished that she wasn't the only parent implementing it.

Archer Bennett wasn't exactly the strongest parental figure. Right from the start, he had stood back. And to be honest, she was surprised that he saw Amelia at all. She knew he loved her. In fact, he idolized her. But he was barely functional enough to take care of himself, despite his position Never mind a child. He relied a lot on his own parents when it came to Amelia, especially his Mother. A woman that didn't like her all that much.

JJ knew she was being a little understated there, they had never once seen eye-to-eye. Especially after JJ had insisted that Amelia take her name. Archer had been encouraging of that, had almost insisted on it. As well as that JJ had made sure that if anything happened to her, then Amelia would be taken care of by her own family, and not Archer.

He had been encouraging with that too, willingly signing over his right. He thought it would be for the best, just so long as he got to see his daughter. The thought of him taking care of Amelia full time was a bad one, to both of them. But his Mother had hit the roof. But it wasn't like JJ trusted her or her husband either, considering how they had raised their boys.

''Are you coming to Daddy's?''

Amelia asked, twisting back and forth as she pushed her cereal around a little. JJ frowned slightly, wondering why she would ask something like that.

''No, you know I don't come with you to Daddy's house honey.''

Amelia looked at her, that little scowl inching over her forehead again. Though this time, seeing that Amelia was trying to figure things out in her head through her eyes, JJ didn't make light of it to herself.

''Why?''

''What do you mean, why?''

''Why does you and Daddy not live together like other Mommy's and Daddy's?''

_Because Mommy likes girls? _JJ shook the thought out of her head, knowing it wouldn't help and knowing that Amelia's question was a genuine one. All of her friends had parent's that lived together. Save for maybe three or four. The only problem with moving into this neighbourhood had been that it really was a _family _one. With two parents, usually two or three kids and a pet.

It was one of those stereotypical places that people sometimes didn't believe existed other than on TV. But she had chosen it because it was a good place to raise a child. She had been brought up on her parents' farm…and it had been a good place to grow up in.

JJ had just wanted to give her child at least an aspect of that. So she had moved into suburbia, giving up her life in the city that she'd had until she went into the Academy. She'd had every intention on going back to that life until she had fallen pregnant, but hadn't hesitated to adjust her plans. One she had set eyes on this house, she had known it was the right one, and her parents had helped her out with getting it.

Putting down her coffee, JJ made her way across the kitchen to lean over the table so that she could be face to face with Amelia, wanting to give her a serious answer.

''Well…sometimes Mommy's and Daddy's just can't live together honey. And you know that we both love you, very, very much. But we only love each other as friends.''

''Am I a mistake Mommy?''

JJ felt her stomach churn as Amelia looked up at her with little sad eyes, waiting expectantly. That she had never expected to hear. Or, maybe not expected to hear when Amelia was still only five years old. And the look on her daughter's face made her want to cry.

''Who told you that Amelia?''

Amelia shrugged lightly, looking down.

''I over heard it from Grandma…is that bad? Am I bad?''

JJ sighed, gritting her teeth slightly in order to keep quiet and not say anything she shouldn't have in front of her. Instead, she stood up, moving to Amelia's side and pulled her in close, leaning down to rest her face by her head.

''Listen to me Amelia; you are the best thing that ever happened to me, okay? You're my life, and you make me very happy. And I love you so much. Don't forget that. When you're older, you'll understand. But you're not a mistake Amelia, you're not bad. If anyone ever says that again, you tell them that they're wrong, okay? Mommy loves you _so _much.''

JJ pulled Amelia in a little tighter, looping her arm around her, her other arm stroking through her hair as she kissed her head. She closed her eyes slightly, trying to swallow her anger. How could that woman be so damn reckless? How could she make her child feel bad like that?

Maybe she had never expected to get pregnant, hadn't expected to be a Mother, but it didn't make Amelia a mistake. The act had been a mistake maybe. She was gay, for crying out loud. Having sex with a guy, to spite someone in fact, had been the mistake. It wasn't as though she hadn't slept with a guy before, but Archer was different. Because by then, she was comfortable with who she was.

But she had chosen to have her baby. She had made an active choice, and that hadn't been a mistake. Amelia wasn't the mistake, and she had never thought it. And she would not let her think that, ever.

''I love you too Mommy.''

After that, Amelia had settled down a little more, but still wasn't her usual self. JJ watched her carefully, but it didn't seem like that was weighing on her mind anymore. She was just being a kid. After talking about randomly pointless things, the two had set about making the cookies that Amelia had wanted to make for her Father.

JJ had let Amelia make most of the decisions about the cookies, and had been there to supervise, walking her daughter through how to make and bake them. However, not long after the mixes had gone into the oven, the doorbell rang. JJ took a dish clothe down the hall with her, wiping her hands as she moved toward the door. She thought it would have been Archer, early for once. However, when she opened the door, it was someone entirely not Archer.

''Emily.''

JJ was absolutely sure that her heart could be heard, thudding against her chest as her breath was caught out of her for a moment. Her entire body froze, and she stalled helplessly. She didn't feel like the person that could cope, right now. Didn't feel like she was prepared for this. Not when she hadn't had chance to sort things out. Not when the two worlds were colliding together before her very eyes.

She was supposed to be in control of this. She was supposed to tell Emily later, in her own time, her own way. Not now. Not when she was on her doorstep. Not when she knew Amelia was still in the kitchen, covered in cooking chocolate, and certainly not when Archer was expected to show up soon. And to top it all off, Emily looked so vulnerable. Completely lost on what was going on, whether she should be here or not. Looked wounded still, for being run out on.

''Hey…erm…I'm sorry for just turning up. But I'm going a little crazy here JJ. Can we talk? Please? I just need to know where I stand.''

Emily cleared her throat lightly, frowning a little before briefly looking away from JJ's alarmed eyes as she tucked some hair behind her ear. Obviously calling hadn't been working, and obviously JJ had wanted some space, but she just needed to know.

The other night had been phenomenal, and she couldn't get the younger woman out of her head. But she needed to know what was going on. She thought she had been left hanging long enough. It had been the second time that JJ had left her wondering and it wasn't fair. She just had to know if she was in or out.

''Em…I erm…I…''

''_Mommy_? That Daddy?''

JJ couldn't help but cringe, mostly inwardly, as her two worlds definitely collided now. Couldn't miss the realisation in Emily's eyes, that instantly started to reel as Amelia called out loudly before she ran down the hall. The profiler was so heartbreakingly confused, and hurt and instantly JJ wanted to go back and change things.

She wanted to have the chance over again, so she could have done things the right way around. Tell her about Amelia before anything happened between them. Or, told her about Amelia anyway. She desperately searched for a moment between them that she could have brought it up in, but as of yet, they had never really talked about children unless it was for a case. Emily was still shy around everyone, still earning the teams trust. No one had indicated to her that Hotchner wasn't the only one with a kid. And right now JJ was kicking herself for it.

Still, she had to snap out of her daze as Amelia got to her. Ripping her eyes apart from Emily's, she turned a little and picked Amelia up, who still had chocolate all over her hands and most of her face.

''Erm…no honey. This is Emily, Mommy's friend. Em, this is Amelia…my daughter.''

Emily felt her heart fall into her stomach as everything in her mind just imploded. This was why JJ had bolted on her? She had no idea what was going on. No idea how to feel, or how to think. She didn't even know what to say.

Why didn't she know? Why hadn't JJ told her? Why hadn't anyone? She knew she was still an outsider, but she thought by now she had earned herself a little trust at least. Especially from JJ. Who did they think she was? And how had she been good enough to sleep with and not good enough to be honest with? Was she some sort of one night stand? Was JJ just looking to vent, or to escape something? She couldn't figure it out.

And suddenly Renee's words came crashing down on her, when she had asked about Amelia. JJ had cut her off pretty sharply, because she didn't want Renee enquiring or because she was purposefully keeping it a secret from her? And what about the Dad? Obviously, he was still here. Did that mean he lived here? Did it mean JJ was with him? No, but there was Renee…but who knew? It became even more abundantly clear that she knew absolutely nothing about JJ. She wasn't anything that she had thought she was.

''Hi.''

Emily blinked, trying to shake off the shock that had began to numb her. She looked at Amelia, who was looking back at her with the same eyes as her Mother. Curious and inquisitive, a little shy and extremely beautiful. She looked just like JJ, from the eyes to the hair to the features in her face. There was no mistaking whose little girl she was.

And it occurred to Emily that she had come crashing in, disturbing their life. Evidently their baking, seeing as Amelia was covered in probably more chocolate than she had managed to get on the goods themselves. She was blissfully unaware as to what was going on. Had just been enjoying being with her Mommy, doing what children were supposed to be doing.

''Hi, Amelia. It's very nice to meet you.''

Emily managed to say, voice just above a whisper, a little cracked and full of the emotion she was feeling. She felt used, she felt well and truly played. And she hated those feelings. Those were the sort of feelings she had grown up with, when her parents had used her as a pawn in their game of 'oh look at our perfect family', when they had never been a perfect family. And she couldn't believe it was JJ to strike that up within her again.

''I'm sorry for disturbing you, JJ, I should go.''

Gathering herself up enough to move, Emily turned, not letting her eyes quite connect with the blonde's. She couldn't look at her, nor could she look at her holding her daughter anymore. It cut too finely, and all she wanted to do was get as far away from it all as possible.

She had actually thought there had been a chance. Had actually thought that she could maybe come here and get JJ to talk about why she was timid of starting something, and convince her that it would be okay. But this? This was just…it was too much.

It was a flash-forward of what she wanted in the future with her, should they have been able to start something. But it seemed that JJ was ahead of her already. And she didn't know who she was angrier at, JJ or herself. JJ for lying to her, or herself for letting the walls down long enough for JJ to slip through.

''Emily wait. Em…''

But she ignored the cries to wait, not looking back as she strode to her car. Her eyes stung with the betrayal she felt, but she refused to cry now. Not in front of JJ, and not in front of her daughter. She hated crying. She hated loosing it. But sometimes she knew she had to. This may have been one of those times.

It hadn't really occurred to her just how much she liked JJ until right this very moment, when everything that she had hoped for was shattered into a million tiny little shards. But she wasn't going to let go, not here and not now. Instead opted for the safety of her car, and didn't cast a look back up to the front door as she started her engine and pulled out, quickly making her way down the street. She didn't know where she was going, but it didn't matter. Anywhere that wasn't here would do.

JJ knew, had seen clear as day the thoughts running through Emily's head. She wanted desperately to be able to stop her, but she couldn't. She had no choice but to let her walk away. With every intention of stopping those thoughts later. She owed Emily a full explanation now, it was time to put her cards on the table and hope that it wasn't too late to do so.

XXX

''Amelia, let's go your Father's waiting.''

JJ walked back into the kitchen, offering Archer a glare as she passed him. He was late. Again. A half hour after he was supposed to be here, Amelia had requested to go play in her room. An hour after that, Archer finally turned up. He hovered in the middle of the kitchen, hands shoved in pockets, swaying back and forth almost nervously with his sheepish little boy face that suckered most people into thinking he was indeed innocent. JJ knew better.

''Are you sure you want to take her? She's been in a weird mood all day, you sure you can cope with her?''

JJ asked, putting the lid of the box on and pushing it into place as she eyed Archer up. Evidently, Amelia's mood was not shifting, and she didn't know whether Archer would be able to cope or not. And if she was going to get a call later on saying that her daughter was demanding to come home, she thought she may as well keep her here so all three of them didn't go through the stress of that situation. It just made Archer mad, Amelia angry and upset, and herself angry too. But he nodded quickly in confirmation.

''Yeah, it'll be okay. She's just a kid, right?''

He replied lightly, making JJ raise a doubtful eyebrow.

''Archer, you know how difficult she can get. I don't mind if you want to come back tomorrow. You look tired.''

Her voice softened a little as she regarded him. He did look tired, his dark eyes seemed to be carrying a lot of weight, more than usual anyway. She watched him sigh a little, rubbing a hand over his head, over the crew cut that he'd had for all the years she had known him, given to him by the Marines.

He was still a strapping guy, but she could tell that he had lost a little weight. To most he just looked fine, well cut and defined. The only thing he had ever made sure he did every day was to work out, keeping himself up to standard for the force. He was a good guy, despite his problems. Just, messed up. He tried his best, and even though most of the time he never got there, at least he tried. The military was the only thing he had stuck to, he loved the Marines. It gave him something to believe in, gave him something to lean on. Made him strong, because he had told her once that he was not a strong man.

His upbringing had been a little more than turbulent; his parents hadn't done the greatest job with him and his brother. Somewhere along the line, before JJ had met him, probably when he was still only a boy, they had let something break inside of him and he had never been able to fix it. Which was why he had backed off on his parental obligations so much. It wasn't that he didn't love her; it was just that he was terrified of breaking her too.

''My unit is on standby, JJ. They may be sending us back in a few months.''

JJ looked at him, as the words seemed to echo around the room, clattering against the walls loudly. The weight in his eyes, that's what it was. He already carried the ghosts of war around with him, haunting him every second of the day. The thought of him being sent back there was heartbreaking, because she knew there was a chance that he would never come back. Not just physically, but mentally.

She let go of the box, walking around the island toward him, instantly wrapping her arms around him tightly, even protectively. They had been friends before Amelia, and they had managed to keep a friendship after. Despite all the problems. She didn't want anything bad to happen to him. Wanted to mend whatever it was inside that was broken. But by now, there were so many broken things that she had no idea where to start.

''I'm sorry.''

She whispered breathlessly, emotion catching her voice as she felt the sting of tears in her eyes as he gripped onto her. She took in a breath, moving a hand onto the back of his head before she moved to place a long kiss on his temple.

''What do I tell her?''

''Don't. Don't tell her anything until you know for sure. She was too little to remember the first time, so if it happens then we'll tell her together, okay?''

She pulled back a little, giving him a sincere and direct look as she held the sides of his face in her hands, making sure that he looked at her. She could she the panic and how much he was torn between his duty and his family. Ultimately, she knew that he would go.

He wouldn't leave his unit and he wouldn't leave the Marines, they had done too much for him. Straightened him out every time he had fallen. Picked him up, dusted him off, kept him going. They were the only support he had ever known; she just wished that she had met him first. She could never have given him what he had truly wanted from her, which was her heart, but at least she could have helped. But by the time they had met, he was already a Marine through and through.

''_Daddy_!''

Archer looked at JJ for another minute, before breathing in and gathering himself up. She let him go, standing back a little as she watched him turn around and swoop Amelia up easily, tickling her and gliding her around like a little human airplane, making her laugh loudly.

''Hey Jelly Bean, you ready to go?''

Amelia nodded quickly as he kept hold of her, resting her in his arm as he smiled at her.

''Okay, give your Mom a hug.''

He tipped Amelia JJ's way, and the little girl reached out toward her, happily switching human packhorses as JJ took her, pulling her into a hug and squeezing tight.

''Love you Mommy.''

JJ smiled, nodding as she gave Amelia kisses along her face.

''I love you too sweetheart, have a good time and be a good girl for Daddy, huh?''

Amelia nodded eagerly, and JJ kissed her again before passing her back to Archer. She waited until he had her securely in his grip before handing him Amelia's bag with her things she would need for the next few days in it, and as he shouldered that, she passed him the box of cookies that they had made for him earlier.

''Oooh, cookies! Sugar rush coming up for us later!''

JJ scoffed, laughing lightly as she shook her head, following them to the front door. She waved as Amelia waved at her, merrily chattering away to her Father. After a few moments, once he had put her in the child seat in his car, they were gone. JJ sighed, closing the door and leaning against it for a moment, closing her eyes as she listened to the silence. It always seemed alien after Amelia went somewhere, especially when she knew it would be for a few days. Archer would be dropping her home again on Thursday after dinner, so JJ had every intention of getting out of work on time to greet her daughter. She missed her already.

But, pulling herself straight again, JJ remembered her intended mission today. Suddenly there was so much more complication to sort through. She had to try and right things with Emily, she was now going to be worried about what was going to happen with Archer, how she would explain it to Amelia. But she could only do one thing at a time. And right now, she was starting with Emily.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Six**

''What're you doing here?''

Emily's voice wasn't harsh; it was just tired and hurt. And JJ felt those pangs of guilt stab twice as hard through her gut. After seeing Amelia off, she had showered and changed before driving over to Emily's apartment building. The whole ride she had been thinking over how exactly she was going to repair what she had done, what she was going to say.

Until she figured out that she couldn't plan it. It wasn't something she could rehearse. She just needed to be honest, and let Emily see that. But it didn't stop her from being incredibly nervous.

''We need to talk.''

She pointed out softly, not moving from her spot in the hallway, not wanting to invade Emily's privacy seeing as she was still keeping a tight grip on the door as to not let her past. She looked so deflated, more so than any other time she had seen her. It caused her her own pain to know that she had put that look there.

''No…JJ I can't do that. Please just let this go. Go on back to your family.''

Emily bowed her head, looking down at the floor. She had felt so angry moments ago when she was brooding on her own. Now in the face of JJ being here, she felt it dissipate. For some reason didn't want to assign blame. But yet it was still there, in the bottom of her stomach.

''No, Emily. You don't understand…''

''What don't I understand? That you _lied_ to me? That you didn't trust me enough to say anything? That you _used_ me? Not good enough to share with but good enough to have a roll in the hay?''

And there it was, suddenly rushing up through her and pouring out of her mouth bitterly. The look she cast JJ as she looked back up, tone turning harsh and accusatory now making the blonde start a little, flinch ever so slightly.

''I…I don't blame you for being angry. And I'm sorry. But that's _not_ what it was, okay? I went about things the wrong way, and I would really like the chance to put things right between us. I have feelings for you, Emily. And if you let me, I'm willing to tell you whatever you want to know. Please, just give me a chance?''

JJ bit lightly on her bottom lip, her breath catching in her chest as she waited. Emily just looked at her, undecided. She could see the hesitancy in her dark eyes, caused by the pain she had already experienced. And after a long couple of moments sailed by, with utter silence, JJ let out her breath, defeated. She cast a sad but apologetic smile Emily's way before she turned, getting the picture that she wasn't going to get her chance to explain.

''Wait…''

Until then. Until the hand that reached out for her arm stopping her from walking away. She looked down at it for a moment, then over at Emily, not hiding the hope in her eyes as she did.

''I'll hear you out. No promises.''

Emily warned lightly, making JJ nod in understanding. She couldn't let the younger woman walk away now. She at least had to hear her out, for some reason she felt compelled enough to do that. Maybe she knew deep down that JJ didn't mean to hurt her. It had never been done intentionally. Though the profiler just wished she had stopped and thought about her actions before she had gone through with them. But then, wasn't everyone guilty of not doing that at some point or another?

Swinging the door open, Emily let go of JJ's arm and walked back into the condo, knowing that JJ was following as she heard the door click shut. She moved to the kitchen, pulling out a wine glass and setting it down to her own before picking up the bottle, gesturing it at JJ in a silent question as the blonde came to a stand at the end of the island. She nodded, and Emily focused on pouring out the liquid, before taking both glasses and passing one to JJ on her way back over to the couch.

There were only a couple of lamps on, with soft music floating from the speakers. She had been sat previously, looking out the glass along the city. She took her seat again, and waited. After a few seconds, JJ got the impression and moved to sit down too. Although, not on the same couch. She took her place on the second one at the side. Nor did she sit back like Emily had, she leant forward after shrugging her jacket off, cupping the glass in her hands as she looked uncertainly over at the older woman.

''Where do you want me to start?''

She asked quietly, but firmly enough to convey that she was sincere in that she did want to fully explain. Emily switched her gaze from the view and onto JJ.

''How old is she?''

''She's five.''

Emily nodded as she watched JJ take in a breath thoughtfully, then take a mouthful of her wine before letting a breath out again, clearing her throat as she looked over seriously.

''When I was 21, I started dating this girl. But, we only lasted a few months, so we parted ways. Only to meet up at Quantico at the Academy. We tried again, but it was turbulent. When I was training, I met this guy there, Archer. He was a Marine…or, is a Marine. Anyway, we made friends. Used to go drinking together, acting like a couple of teenage guys. I used to help him pick up girls. But, he fell for me. I knew it, but we never said anything. Anyway, I went through another messy break up with my girlfriend, and I was bitter about it. There were harsh words said, and I…well I just let it cloud my judgement. I got stupid. I went out with Archer, and for some stupid reasons, one thing led to another. I wasn't drunk, but I wasn't exactly sober either. And I wanted to hurt her by being with someone so entirely different from her. I regretted it, of course I did. I'm not into guys, and what's more, I used my friend to get back at her. I apologised, and pulled myself together, told myself to stop acting like someone I wasn't. But a couple of weeks later, I found out that I was pregnant.''

There were a few times when JJ dropped her eyes, looking either at her glass or the table, or something on the wall. Emily watched carefully, seeing how anxious the blonde was, and how she still seemed to be mad that she had abused a friendship. But yet again, Emily could only think who didn't? It may have been wrong, but it happened. At least she knew that Archer wasn't some sort of exception for JJ, that it was a mistake done out of hurt that could make the best of people make decisions they usually wouldn't.

''What did you do?''

She prompted, obviously knowing at least the outcome, but more interested in how JJ had come about to it.

''After I freaked out you mean? I had never really thought about kids before, and on the occasion that I had, I was older and more settled into a career, had a partner. I went straight to my sister, she calmed me down. Meredith has a habit of making things seem better. And she asked me what I wanted to do about it. No one was more surprised than me that I wanted the baby. And it was a hard choice for me, you know? We were finishing up training; I was about to be posted into communications. I didn't think I'd be able to do both, but they were actually really accommodating. So I went for it. My parents helped me out a _lot. _I found the house and they helped me to put a deposit down, my siblings backed me up. So I had Amelia, and I've never looked back. It was hard, still is. But I don't regret it, she's…she's everything.''

Emily nodded, seeing the feeling pool in her expressive eyes, seeing the love and devotion to her daughter there. She had never suspected any different, couldn't have from JJ. She took a slow drink, giving JJ a few moments to pause, to collect herself and have a drink too.

''So, your friend, Archer, he's still around?''

She posed, letting her eyes drop away as she asked.

''Archer is…complicated, but yes, he's still around. He was messed up, broken I guess, by the time I met him. He has his problems with drugs, drinking…messes around with girls. He's been in rehab a couple of times; his buddies have taken him away to dry out. He's…he loves Amelia, he does. But he can't cope with her; he's not cut out to be a parent. He signed his right over, she's mine, has my name and if anything happens to me, she won't go to him. Just as long as he gets to see her. And he's a good Dad to her, but there's a difference between being her friend and being her Father. He supports me, though. He really is a nice guy…just a messed up one, he's never meant anyone any harm though. I just have to watch him, closely. I have to make sure he checks in when he has her, and he knows that he has to bring her home if he can't cope…which is a lot. But I can't stop them from seeing each other, it'd be wrong. She needs to know him, and I think she's brought him something he never thought he'd have. If I kept them apart I'd break both of their hearts.''

''So you take the strain instead.''

It wasn't a question. Both of them knew it wasn't a question. JJ looked across at Emily, knowing exactly what she meant. Knowing that even with the abridged version of the tale, Emily knew that she did indeed take the strain to keep that relationship open. To look after both Amelia and Archer, just because she was good enough not to be able to keep them separated, despite Archer's problems.

It took a lot of effort, making sure Amelia was safe with him. She never thought he would hurt her, but still, he wasn't the best under that type of pressure. He was a Marine but when it came to anything else, he crumbled. And she had to be there to hold him up for the sake of their daughter.

And when she looked into Emily's eyes, she could tell that she knew that. And she appreciated her observation, and the respect she seemed to have for it, as well as the empathy.

''After Renee left me, and Archer came back from overseas and went off the rails again, I started to shut down. Amelia was so little, I was hurting from being betrayed, trying my best to help him and you know how work is. And then, I went on the rebound. Another huge mistake on my part. I ended up seeing Elle for a while, the profiler that you replaced. And we both know how she ended up leaving. So after we were finished, I shut down. Then it was _her_ that went off the rails. And then you showed up, and you…you made it so hard not to feel anything. I've never responded to anyone like I did to you, it's like I saw something in you right away. And it scared me. Actually it terrified me. Because, as I'm sure you've gathered, I haven't exactly had the greatest luck or made the soundest choices. But it isn't just me; I'm not just making those decisions for myself anymore. I make them for Amelia too. And part of me knows that one of the reasons why Renee did what she did was because she thought my daughter was my baggage, and I resented it. And I couldn't let it happen again. Or so I thought…''

JJ sighed, trying to get a hold of what she needed to say, what she wanted to get across. She took a large drink of the wine before rubbing the bridge of her nose of a moment, then made a small flailing motion with her hand, glancing up at Emily again.

''Emily, I'm sorry. I should have gone about things differently. I thought…I thought the energy between us was just playful friendly banter, to get through the cases. Until we were in New York. And when I realised, I just got so scattered, I didn't know what to do. And I should have told you all of this before we slept together. But it was never because I just wanted to get laid, okay? I like you. I mean, _really _like you. But the way I treated you…and now you know that my personal life has pretty much been a series of me screwing up and getting into complicated crap, I get why you'd back off. But I do appreciate the chance to explain.''

JJ offered Emily a weak smile, not wanting to push her luck. Emily said no promises. At least this way, she could probably salvage the friendship they had been making. At least now, Emily knew and she wouldn't think what she knew she had been thinking earlier.

She watched carefully as the profiler absorbed everything patiently, nodding in places as encouragement for her to continue. She was the picture of calm, and JJ could tell that she was listening with an open mind, rather than thinking still about what had happened. She was just listening, letting her ramble on the way she needed to, to get it out.

''What I don't get JJ, is why I didn't know about Amelia in the first place. You never talked about her at work that I can remember. Did you not trust me enough to tell me you had a little girl?''

Emily pondered, now confused over that as some of her other question had been explained. Why on earth would JJ have kept it a secret from her? They were just friends, right? It's not like she had reason to. But she had.

''It wasn't about not trusting you. Sort of. I mean, it's hard for me to bring her up in conversation at work anyway. I can't just say 'this unsubs been running around raping and gutting women, hey guess what my daughter did this morning'. I know Hotch has the same difficulties. I do talk about her, a lot. Like I said, she's my life. And I was going to tell you. I just hadn't quite worked you out enough yet. I know you've held things back because you've been trying to do the same thing.''

Emily sighed, knowing that JJ was right. It might not have quite been the same thing as not mentioning the small fact of having a child, but essentially, she was right. Everyone was trying to reach that comfort level. She wanted desperately to be able to fit in, to be at ease with a team that she greatly like, admired and respected. Even now, she had to admit that she may have come to love them. Their family essence was like none other. And despite their trust issues with her, despite they were still approaching a true comfort level, they were still there to back her up and support her, because that's what they did, they were a team.

And each and every one of them had their secrets, she knew that. They all carried something. And she could imagine why it would be hard to talk about something so pure in the middle of something so defiled. She imagined that JJ talked about Amelia more one on one, or when she and someone else were taking a time out maybe. Maybe during the quiet conversations she had with someone on the plane, or maybe in Hotchner's office. She didn't know. But she wanted to know. And she knew that she liked JJ, seriously liked her. And she believed her when she said she was going to tell her.

Was it the same thing as JJ waiting to tell her that she was gay? Where they just the two last biggest things she was preparing to let go of? When that level had been established and they were slightly over it? JJ was an honest person; she had never heard her mutter a dishonest word, unless she was string pulling the press. And even then, it wasn't so much as talking around something than blatantly lying.

What Emily was sure of, was that JJ was a genuine person. And she had already been through a lot, was still going through a lot. Her life was always going to be complicated, but Emily knew she didn't scare easily in the face of complication. Nor did she want to be another name on the list of people that had hurt or let the blonde down. She could appreciate why she had been so scared and so scattered. And what mattered more now, was that there was an open and honest dialogue between them.

Breathing in, the dark brunette looked out over the Capitol. It was late afternoon and it would be drawing darker soon. And for some reason, she longed to smell the night air.

She had to weigh this up for a moment. The whole situation. Everything had happened so quickly that it made her head spin a little. From finding out JJ was gay, to that kiss, to sleeping together to finding out that she had a daughter. And the story behind it all.

She pictured that little girl, content and safe in JJ's arms, smeared with chocolate. She had smelt like sugar and soap. She had bright blue eyes and soft smooth skin, and mirrored her Mother so much. She was beautiful, she really was. And Emily would have been lying to herself if she didn't acknowledge that seeing them together had tugged on her heartstrings just a little. That a little JJ copy running around wasn't just the most adorable thing she had ever seen.

That little girl was JJ's, was part of her, was her life, as she had stated. To have JJ, she had to have Amelia too. And Emily found herself asking herself whether she was capable of that. As much as she wanted kids, she had never expected to walk into being close to having one. Would she be any good with her? Could she cope? Did she want to? Would they like one another? Was it too much?

''Do you want to go out?''

Emily asked, breaking the tense silence that had swooped in suddenly, after she had started gazing outside. Her eyes still lingered there, but she didn't have to see JJ's face to know there was confusion written all over it.

''What?''

''To dinner? I haven't eaten, and it would be nice to get some fresh air. And we could talk some more, maybe get to know one another a little better.''

This time, Emily did look over at JJ, quirking an eyebrow but knowing that she was still being unreadable. JJ just looked at her, as though she was still in surprise at the sudden turn in conversation. But after a moment, she nodded slowly, putting her now empty glass on the table before clutching her jacket.

''Sure.''

Emily nodded, draining the remnants in her glass. She took a deep breath in as she stood, feeling a buzz of warmth in her stomach that hadn't come from the glass of wine or the one previous to it before JJ had arrived.

She couldn't help but watch the blonde as she occupied herself with slipping into her jacket, affording Emily the chance to stare for a moment. Licking her lips slowly, Emily waited until JJ stepped forward so that she could reach for her arm again, stopping her from moving further. Instead, she pulled the confused woman until she was a couple of steps in front of her.

''You can't keep secrets like this from me if we're going to be together, Jennifer.''

JJ blinked, her brain trying to let the words sink in. Or rather, exactly what the words meant. What with the last few days, the personal bombardment and the anxiety she had come here with, her head was still a little sluggish. She thought for sure that Emily was going to turn her down after everything that had happened, and everything that she had heard. Not to mention, she'd had no idea if the older woman would want to get involved with a single Mother.

But after those words, said just above a whisper, full of emotion, there was really no question of what Emily was saying. And JJ didn't think she had ever heard her name said so divinely. The way Emily used it, it didn't make her cringe, she liked it. Could get used to it.

''You…you still want to be with me?

Yet the words still tumbled out of her mouth, her brain needing something a little more explicit so it could really sink in. She watched as Emily nodded, regarding her with a look similar to the one she had seen the last time she had been here.

''I want to be with you. But there has to be trust and honesty between us, I can't not have those. No more secrets JJ.''

It really hadn't taken her long to know that this is what she wanted. That Amelia wasn't a complication. She found everything about JJ fascinating and appealing, and she knew that being a Mom was part of what made her like that. She didn't bolt at things like this. She had stumbled upon something special, that could grow and be mind blowing. Why give that up because there was a child involved?

She had a lot to offer, a lot to offer both of them. She knew she would have no problem in loving JJ, very much. And she would have no problem loving Amelia either, or adjusting her life to include a kid. She wasn't like other people. She didn't take off running because of something like this. She was smart enough to know that she wouldn't get an opportunity like this again. Because already, she saw future in JJ.

''No more secrets.''

Emily nodded, taking a slow and relaxed breath in, still revelling in that warm buzz that had filled her. It was JJ, she had caused that feeling. And she reached up with her free hand, gently pushing some blonde strands back, eyes twinkling as she did. The hand that was still resting on JJ's arm moved to slip onto her side, and she pulled her forward the last few steps, bringing their mouths together slowly, meaningfully.

There was absolutely no rush, no other intention than to enjoy the kiss. JJ's hands moved to the back of her head and neck, going along the same page as just relaxing into the depth of the kiss, but not making it become anything else. It was a seal, a promise. It was a sign of leaving things behind, and picking things up to move forward. A picture of things to come.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Seven**

Emily brought the wine glass up to her lips, slowly savouring the taste as she sipped slowly. Deep, dark eyes focused on the pictures in front of her, studying the colours, the lines and themes. Studying everything there was to study about those pictures, beautiful in their own right. No masterpieces per say, but they were really.

Masterpieces of a happy child, creative and smart, full of spirit and warmth and healthy. A child that was a child.

It felt nice to be looking at something so vibrant, rather than looking at the things they had seen on their last case. That too, all to do with children. They all hated those cases; it was hard seeing that kind of innocence to brutally stolen. However, for Hotchner and JJ, it had been even grimmer.

Jack was three, but Amelia was five. And all those children, they were her age too. So Emily wasn't sorry that she had shot the bastard. Not to kill, just to wound. That was only a few hours ago, at lunchtime when they had finally gotten a line onto the guy. Until then, no one thought that they were going to have the weekend to themselves, because not one of them would have been prepared to stop looking for a couple of days off.

''You know, I always wanted to live somewhere like this.''

The dark brunette mused, not yet turning away from the pictures on the wall next to the fridge, placed there proudly.

''Didn't you grow up in great big huge estates? Around the world?''

Emily smirked slightly, finally turning around to look at JJ, who was still busying herself with making dinner. They had had this date set for a week maybe, JJ had offered to cook and Emily had readily accepted, given that it was the first time she had really got to see the house. Aside from briefly coming in to pick the blonde up for a date or something.

They had spent six weeks of playing it safe with Amelia, making sure that they hit equilibrium first. Even now, she was spending the weekend at her Father's, or as JJ had put it, until something went wrong and Archer caved and brought her home.

Emily understood why, but she also knew that JJ was holding back a little either out of being very cautious and confused of how to ease things together, or because she still felt guilty for all the miscommunications and secrets. That, and she was still scared. After being hurt so badly, Emily could even understand that too. Knew that in the very back of JJ's head, something was still whispering every now and again that anyone she tried to date was still going to do what Renee had done.

''Yes, I did. And they were always _too _big. Always cold and impersonal, very sophisticated and perfect. Not a place that ever accommodated a child. They were always just so…_empty_. You have a beautiful home JJ, and I can tell that you're raising a very happy daughter.''

As Emily had been talking, or briefly reminiscing even, she took the steps across the kitchen slowly as she explained her childhood circumstances. It hadn't been all bad, of course. But still, everything she had said was right on.

She remembered each one of those houses. With the hard wood, polished floors and the priceless collections of paintings and ornaments, expensive furniture and expensive rugs. There had been no toys allowed to clutter anywhere, no fun and games to be had. Her parents had been far too busy for that.

Even her own room, although decorated slightly more childlike, were only full of books and china dolls, not something she could have played with. Nor were her clothes anything she could have played outside in. Everything had been orchestrated. Everything had been 'perfect', all to add to the political image.

Here was so different. With that family vibe, the homely feel. The pictures presented proudly, because JJ valued her daughter's imagination and creative flare, wanted her to value it within herself too.

The photos of family and friends, which was obviously so very important to JJ, therefore teaching Amelia it was important too. The growth lines on the special piece of wood, keeping track of how much Amelia was growing. All the toys, right down to the furniture and the décor. All warm and soft and welcoming. And yet still with JJ's own sense of style too.

As soon as they had come in here, as they had started talking and JJ had started preparing dinner, it was easy to begin to relax. Which was something Emily could find hard to do sometimes. She felt settled here.

''And being dragged around the world? Not as much fun as it sounds. Don't get me wrong, I don't take for granted the opportunities I was given, and I do value those experiences. There was nothing wrong with the places I went, or the people there. Just the politics and being my parents' pawn. But I would have loved to have been a part of a family, is all.''

She mused, dropping silent again when she realised that if she really started thinking about it, she would just push herself into a bad mood. She had grown up how she had grown up, she couldn't change that. And she didn't take for granted the things she had been given, gotten to do and see. It wasn't really the places that had been the problem, it had been her parents.

They had always put everything else before her, and always expected her to be okay with that, even as a child. They expected her to act like them, like an adult. They had put an awful amount of pressure onto her to be what they wanted her to be, especially her Mother.

The one that had taught her how to close off so well, how to compartmentalise and keep people at arms length. Emily knew that her Mother felt affection for her. But love? She wasn't too sure about that. She wasn't even all too sure if she liked her. They were distant and awkward, never really knowing how to act around one another.

Blinking, she shook off those thoughts as she realised that JJ had stepped in closer to her and slipped a hand onto the side of her face.

''Well, you're becoming part of one now.''

She replied softly, bright eyes sparkling radiantly. When she said it, Emily felt her breath catch in her chest for a moment as her heart thumped a little harder. Really, she knew they had only been dating for a few weeks, but every time she looked at the blonde she saw future. She saw life and love and family. She saw everything she had ever wanted. As long as JJ would let her in the way she had been scared to let anyone in since she was betrayed.

Putting the glass on the counter, Emily cleared her throat softly and rolled her tongue across her lips as she looked down for a second, taking in the significance of this moment.

''Do you…do you really mean that?''

She asked softly, looking back up as she lifted her hand up to take JJ's and entwine it with her own. She felt like a teenager, with her heart pounding and her shallow breath, anticipation running through her body. But this meant a lot to her, and she had been trying to think of a way to prove herself to JJ. To show her that she could be the person that she wanted and needed her to be.

But standing here right now in front of her, she knew she couldn't prove anything. And she couldn't be what JJ wanted her to be. She had to be herself. So instead of trying to prove something, she decided that honesty was the best policy. She had asked JJ to be the same with her, so she couldn't not do it herself.

''Of course I do, Emily. I know its only just started, but I think we have something special.''

JJ swallowed the lump in her throat, giving way to the tangle of feelings in her chest and stomach. There was something in Emily's eyes, something she had never seen in anyone else's eyes, that caused her to just let go. She had been resisting her own feelings for too long. Resisting the advice of her family, her friends.

They had all been right. She couldn't turn every woman into Renee. She couldn't sacrifice personal happiness either. And they were right about Amelia too. In that seeing her Mother happy would make her even happier. Emily wasn't like anyone else, and the truth was in her eyes for her to see clearly. It had been there all along.

Ever since they had met, Emily had reserved a particular, special look just for her and it had only intensified with time. It had intensified, as they had become friends, after they had kissed, after they made love the first and every time after.

Emily was so beautiful, inside and out. So different from how she could portray herself at work. JJ had seen the difference even when they had been friends, out grabbing a beer with Garcia or the guys. But even still, seeing her while dating her had been even more different. She liked that she got to see that side, got to know things about her that no one else they spent so much time with knew.

Though, parts of that personality she liked so much was starting to shine through, bit by bit as things began to get more comfortable at work. They had been through some tough cases, some rough situations. And at every turn, Emily had been there for someone. She had definitely been there for her this week. Made her feel a little better through a look or a touch, even one or two sneaky kisses when they found themselves alone for a moment.

She was starting to feel more valued in their setting, was getting to show off her skills as a profiler, showing everyone exactly how much she belong in that unit.

She had been thinking, especially in the last couple of weeks, of how to make it a smooth transition to get Amelia and Emily to know each other. She had sought the advice of Meredith and Alex, asked Lauren and Nancy. She had almost asked her parents, but she had decided to hold off until she told them that she was dating someone.

Her siblings had promised faithfully that they wouldn't spill the beans, and she had held them to their 'code', the one you weren't allowed to break. It had been established in childhood, and only once or twice had it been broken because the situation was too important to hold back on.

In the end, she had decided to go with her own instincts. Which was basically what they had told her to do. Alex had told her that she always thought about things too much, and that she would know when the best time was and how to go about it. He had told her that it was her instincts that had served her best in raising Amelia so well thus far, and to trust herself. He had also noted that she had never talked about a girl like she talked about Emily.

And it was true. Even when things had been good with Renee, she had never felt like this. And never had she felt even half of this so early into a relationship. Emily was always in her head, and within the space of the past six weeks, she had gotten into her blood, right under her skin. And it was a good feeling.

But it was also true that she had still been holding back ever so slightly. But she didn't want to anymore. She didn't want to run, she didn't want to over think things or analyse things. She wanted to feel. She wanted to let things progress naturally. They had been doing quite a good job of it so far. Their dates had always been good ones, always comfortable and easy. There had always been conversation flowing, and there had definitely always been that charge between them. That craving and pulse. JJ knew that physically, no one had made her feel what Emily made her feel either.

''I want that too. JJ, I understand why you were hesitant. I get why you've been afraid. But I'm not her, okay? You don't scare me. Amelia doesn't scare me. I want everything. You being a Mother, it makes you who you are and who you are is amazing, and beautiful. Who you are is the reason why I'm finding it so easy to start falling in love with you. I don't see your daughter as baggage; I don't see her as something I have to deal with to have you. She's part of you, and your life. I want her to be part of mine, too.''

The sincerity that had pooled within penetrating brown eyes almost staggered JJ, making her jaw drop ever so slightly, making her completely forget about the food that she was supposed to be tending to.

The music that had been floating in the kitchen had been tuned out by Emily's words, the warmth and truth and passion behind them making everything else fade as the meaning in them slammed into her hard. She felt something, everything, inside of her double flip, making her breath catch in her throat.

Right then, she remembered the first time she had settled eyes on Emily. Stood rather awkwardly in Hotchner's office. The atmosphere had been tense as she had stepped in, though at the time she hadn't known why. At the time, she had been thinking about the case briefing. She had been thinking about the odds of having 2 serial killers in one place.

She had been thinking about how to explain the girl that Amelia had saw in Archer's apartment, which had upset her given that the woman had been a perfect stranger in her Daddy's bed. But when she had looked at Emily, her breath had been stolen for a brief second, and when she had locked her eyes with those gorgeous brown ones, she had momentarily forgotten exactly what she had stepped in there for. She'd had to drag her eyes away to look at Hotch, and she'd had to kick herself up the backside to be able to talk.

When they had come back from St. Louis, she had been surprised yet glad to find that Emily was there. As everyone else headed for home, she had stayed behind to grab a few things. She had been in the bullpen dropping a couple of things in various inboxes on desks when Emily had stepped out, looking both excited and terrified.

She was clutching her little box tightly, looking around like she was completely lost. And once again, she had found it difficult to breathe. Especially as Emily had looked at her again, that look of being lost turning into an adoringly hopeful one. They had approached each other then, JJ intrigued and finding herself wanting to hear the sound of this stranger's voice.

Emily had asked her, nervously, about facilities management. Right from those moments, she had wanted her. Right now, she was thankful that she did, and she knew it was time to really and truly let go.

Leaning forward, she wrapped her arms around the older woman, pulling her close and holding her tightly. For the first time in a long time she felt like she could breathe properly.

After a few moments, she moved back, placing a flurry of hot kisses on Emily's mouth, suddenly realising that there were tears in her eyes. They didn't bother her though, or stop her from slipping her hand around the back of Emily's neck and deepening the kiss, seeking entrance to the older woman's mouth with her tongue, to which she was quickly granted access to.

There was already so much emotion running through her body, and the physical energy just added to it all. If it was possible she wanted Emily more now than ever.

''JJ…dinner…''

Emily managed to mutter, overcome with the phenomenon that was JJ's kisses. It was only the tiny voice in the back of her head that reminded her about the dinner that was cooking. And knowing exactly what was happening, what JJ's intentions were and her being extremely receptive to them she knew that if they didn't turn the stove off then there was a good chance the house would burn down.

So she pushed JJ back, reaching behind her to turn them off. She had had barely enough time to do it before JJ pulled her in the direction of the stairs eagerly, food forgotten. Emily could think of no better way to be introduced to the blonde's bedroom.

XXX

''Who's this again?''

Emily asked lazily, a lop sided smirk tugging along her lips as she looked up at the woman currently straddling her, making her feel warm and comfortable.

Soft but funky music floated around the room, the beat causing a pulse and adding to the good feel that lingered there. In the light of day, Emily could make out JJ's bedroom a whole lot better. It was pretty much how she had expected it to be, unique and personal. Stylish yet cosy and homely too. JJ seemed to have a knack for combining things like that. Her attention to the actual room had faded however.

After waking up wrapped around each other, after sweet good morning kisses and soft touches, they had made love again, just as sweetly and softly, after which a great deal of making out had been done.

Eventually though, they had had to get up, JJ had pulled on some rather fetching red boy pants with a white vest and had thrown some of the same garments of different colours at her, considering that she hadn't brought a change of clothes and last nights were scattered around the landing and the bedroom.

After JJ headed to the bathroom, Emily had pulled on the underwear, going into the bathroom when JJ was done. The blonde had gone downstairs, making and then fetching up some coffee and toast. After that, they had made light hearted, flirty conversation, and part of them had almost always been touching, unless one of them got out of the bed for something.

It was almost lunchtime when JJ had put some more music on after having had the radio on, and decided that straddling Emily was better than lying next to her. Not that the older woman seemed to mind being pinned beneath her. She actually seemed quite comfortable, cosy in the bed and happy with her weight on her. And she liked the way Emily's hands always gravitated toward her skin, currently stroking gentle lines on her thighs.

At the question however, JJ squeezed and nudged into her lover a little, making her grunt ever so lightly.

''_Massive Attack_! You weren't listening to me, were you?''

Emily's grin widened further, that sexy guilty glint edging into her brown eyes, that smile purely sultry. JJ wondered if Emily knew just how much sex appeal she radiated, all of the time. Especially now, in a raw, open state.

She let her hands move, taking Emily's into her own as she leaned forward a little, raising a playfully accusatory eyebrow as she kept the brunette's arms in the air, pushing them backward as she kept leaning forward.

''Well I was kinda distracted at the time, with you strutting around in your underwear and all!''

Emily admitted, biting her bottom lip as her eyes raked over the body in front of her. By leaning forward, JJ was giving her a pretty good view, but then, she knew that was exactly the point.

''So, all I have to do when I want you to mindlessly agree to something is strut about in my underwear?''

JJ asked teasingly, making Emily chuckle.

''Yeah pretty much. Sexual favours work pretty good too.''

JJ grinned widely.

''Good to know!''

Emily laughed as the blonde wiggled her eyebrows, and entwined their fingers together as she leaned down to coax her into another kiss, their arms moving to keep balance.

It was a light-hearted kiss, that they laughed softly into; especially as JJ thwarted every attempt Emily made to sit up, not ready to relinquish her position. But finally, as JJ let go of Emily's hands so that she could put her own on either side of her head on the pillows to lean over properly, the younger woman began to deepen the kiss, without an objection from the profiler, who's hands went back to exploring skin.

That was until the phone began to ring loudly. JJ sighed, remaining still for a second before giving her girlfriend one last kiss quickly, before she sat up and leant over to grab the phone.

''Hello? Why what's wrong? It doesn't sound like nothing…''

Emily frowned curiously, watching JJ frown as she ran a hand through her hair as she stared into the corner of the room, obviously listening in concern to something. The blonde left her hand in her hair as she rolled her tongue across her lips, steadying her breath slightly.

''No, it's fine. Archer, I said it's fine. Just bring her home, okay? No, don't take her to your parents…because she wants me, clearly. I'm not mad at you, I just want you to bring my daughter home, or do you want me to pick her up? Okay, I'll see you when I get there.''

Shaking her head slightly as she switched the phone off, JJ moved again to replace it into its base, and then sighed lightly as she looked back down at Emily, apology written across her face and eyes.

''Everything okay?''

The brunette enquired softly, picking up easily on the tension running through JJ. She had already gathered what was going on, anyone could have. But she didn't know why.

''Yeah, I guess. I don't know. Archer and his damn conquests, you'd think since he upsets her so often he'd learn how to cope. Or you know, learn to keep his shit away from my daughter. I need to go and pick Amelia up, he doesn't sound in a state to drive. I'm sorry.''

Emily shook her head, easily picking up on the deflation in JJ's voice. She saw what she had seen that first night when the blonde had told her about Archer, and she had seen it many times in the few weeks since. JJ carried him.

She took on the weight of worrying endlessly about him, took on trying to keep him together, so that her daughter didn't have to miss the opportunity to know her Father. Emily knew JJ was right, they both deserved that, but it didn't mean she couldn't be saddened by that weight in her eyes.

But she carried it so well, like she did everything else. It made the profiler wonder if she could shoulder the same weights that JJ did, day in day out, be it at home or work, and manage to keep going. She had a lot of admiration and respect for her doing that, and she hoped that some day soon, she would be able to ease some of that weight off of JJ's shoulders. Even if she had to carry it herself.

''Don't be sorry, it's okay.''

''I'm going to talk to her though, about you, and us. Maybe you could come over for brunch tomorrow? Stick around for dinner?''

Emily sat up slowly, winding her hands along JJ's thighs around to the top of her backside so that she could make sure she didn't topple. She smiled as the blonde adjusted herself slightly, sighing deeply as she looped her arms around her neck, fingers tangling into her hair. Emily sighed too, leaning in and placing gentle kisses along JJ's neck until she reached her mouth, where she kissed her so lightly and fleetingly, it was barely there.

''I'd like nothing better.''


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Eight**

''_Mommy_! Look at this one!''

JJ smiled as Amelia stood up properly, having been bent over a little to investigate another pebble or seashell in the sand beneath their feet. For the past 30 minutes or so, she had been running around the beach like a maniac, intent on finding 'treasures'. JJ already had a handful of them, under strict orders not to lose them because they were too pretty not to come home with them.

Amelia had always loved the beach. Loved the sand and the water. After picking her up from Archer's, JJ had decided to take her to the beach so that they could do something together. So that she could take Amelia's mind off of whatever had been the catalyst that set her off wanting to come home to her.

Archer had been unhelpful in saying what had happened. All she had received was a series of mumbles and apologies as Amelia had practically flung herself at her and clung onto her tightly.

JJ thought that perhaps it had something to do with yet another random woman that had been milling around the house. She had told Archer that they would be having a very serious talk some time during the week about that.

After JJ had gotten the little girl settled in the car seat and gotten in herself, she had asked if she wanted to go and play on the beach for a while, and immediately Amelia had cheered, delighted at the prospect. No swimming for today, seeing as JJ had no bathing suits and towels with her, but playing on the sand and getting ice cream was still a tempting offer.

It was still early afternoon, and there were quite a few families making the most of the weekend and the weather. People walked their dogs or just ambled along. As Amelia merrily went along, consumed with her little pebbles and seashells, she didn't notice the adoring smiles that she received from passers by.

Crouching down, JJ watched Amelia move back over to her, little energetic blue eyes looking at the delicate seashell with complete fascination. As she stood next to her Mother, she offered it out for her to see. JJ took it gently, turning it around to see the pattern and the intricate detail of the shell.

''It's very pretty baby.''

''Where they come from Mommy?''

''Well, they come from the ocean honey. There used to be a little animal that lived in there, but when they go, their shells wash up. See, our bones are on the inside, but theirs is on the outside. And you know, if you find one big enough, and you put it to your ear, you can hear the ocean waves!''

Amelia's eyes and face went from concentration to wonder in an instant, responding from JJ's mysterious smirk and the sparkle in her eyes as she told her something that in a five year old mind, sounding nothing other than magical. She flopped herself into her Mother, but dropped her eyes back so she could still look up at her.

''Can we find one, _please_?''

JJ laughed lightly, looking down at the little happy and angelic face staring back up at her. All sign of trouble seemed to be gone, but she knew that somewhere in Amelia's head, she was still thinking, or processing, the situation at her Father's.

She was a smart girl. JJ just hoped that she didn't notice anything else about her Daddy, but also knew that as she started to get older, he would eventually fall off the pedestal that she had placed him on. The thought made her sigh softly, moving forward to put her forehead against Amelia's as she looped a hand around the back of her to support her and ran her other through soft blonde hair.

''Sure, but how about before that, we go get some ice cream?''

''_Okay_! Still gots the treasure Mommy?''

JJ chuckled, placing a quick series of kisses on Amelia's face making her laugh loudly.

''Yes baby I still have the treasure. C'mere.''

As she moved, JJ pulled Amelia up with her, spinning her around a little as she did, making her laugh again. Until she was stood up properly, and she held her safely in her arm at her side.

They had gotten to the part of the beach that just up ahead on the edge of the sand, the guy with the best ice cream set up, which they always aimed for rather than the one further up. JJ had parked up there though, wanting to stroll down the sand, giving her an opportunity to think about how she was going to talk about Archer's new conquest, and how she was going to tell her about Emily.

It also gave Amelia chance to relax and run around like the hyper care free kid she was supposed to be, let her forget about the morning for a little while as she searched for her little treasures.

After ice cream had been devoured, and after JJ had chased Amelia around the beach in order to catch her to wipe her face free of said ice cream, they sat down for a little while in the sand so that they could have a little talk.

Where JJ had tried to explain that Daddy had some 'special' friends, and those type of friends stayed in his bed. Of course it had been the entirely wrong thing to say, because then Amelia asked if Joseph was her special friend, because they sometimes shared a bed at sleep over's. It had been a difficult conversation, but eventually JJ had managed to explain it well enough for it to make a little bit of sense in her daughter's head, so at least she wasn't as upset about it.

There had been a lot of questions that she had never wanted to hear, or to explain, but they had been asked and she'd done her best to answer. She'd made a promise to herself when Amelia was born that she would be as honest as she could with her about things, as long as it didn't cause her any damage or anything.

Eventually, as Amelia had lost interest, she had started asking other questions about all sorts of things. She was definitely going to do well at school with that kind of inquisitiveness, she wanted to know everything.

''When can I drive Mommy?''

JJ snickered as she navigated the car through the afternoon traffic, turning off onto a quieter road that led onto even quieter ones as they reached the edge of the suburbs. Ever since the beach, Amelia had been asking a series of random questions like this.

''Oh in around 11 years.''

''Why?''

''Because you need to be big to be able to do it sweetheart.''

''Were you a big girl Mommy?''

JJ laughed lightly, signalling to a few kids and the two adults herding them that they could cross before she went by.

''I wasn't as big as I was supposed to be, no. But I was bigger than you when your Grandpa taught me.''

The truth was, JJ had always loved driving and had always been good at it. Because her Dad had taught her, younger than was strictly allowed, but they had all learnt on the farm under their parents' supervision. In areas that they could do no harm. But they had grown up watching and helping, they had been brought up to be respectful with everything on the farm, so they had never messed around with the machinery or the vehicles.

''How big is you Mommy?''

''I'm 29.''

''That old?''

''To some! How old are you Amelia?''

''_Five_! I'm big too now!''

JJ laughed, nodding her head lightly.

''Mommy, why'd people calls you JJ? Like Daddy and Auntie Lauren?''

''Wow you're curious today! JJ is my nickname sweetie, because those are my initials. Remember how I told you about that?''

Amelia frowned in thought for a moment, screwing up her face ever so slightly as she made a little noise as she thought. JJ just smirked from the front, rounding into their own neighbourhood now.

''Ya…'cos erm…'cos you called Jennifer?''

''That's right, good girl.''

''Why?''

''Why are you a good girl?''

Amelia giggled, shaking her head a little.

''No silly! Why's you called that?''

''Oh! Because your Grams liked it honey. She picked your Aunt's and Uncle Alex's names too.''

''Did you pick my name Mommy?''

''Yes baby, I did.''

''Why?''

''Because it's very pretty, and it's one of my favourite names. And when you were born, and you were a tiny little baby, I thought it was perfect for you.''

''Were do babies come from?''

JJ groaned, finally pulling into her driveway. She did not want to have this conversation just yet!

''Oh look, we're home!''

Amelia fidgeted as JJ unbuckled her from her child seat and lifted her out, excited to be home and to get out of her seat so she could run around again. JJ honestly didn't know where her daughter's energy came from sometimes. But she was content in the moment to be carried to the back of the house, where JJ pulled open the sliding door that lead into the kitchen, figuring that it was unlocked seeing as Lauren was stood by the cooking island.

''Hey, it's Auntie Lauren. Go pester her with your questions!''

JJ put Amelia down, who wasted absolutely no time in speeding toward her Aunt, flinging herself at her to give her a hug, making Lauren grunt slightly at the sudden contact.

''Hey there munchkin.''

Amelia looked up from her bear hug hold, that inquisitive glint still swirling in her eyes.

''Where do babies come from?''

Lauren looked at her niece for a moment, who looked back at her expectantly. Then, she looked across at JJ, scowling a little as she tilted her head to the side, watching her sister smirk around a bottle of water she had pulled out from the fridge.

''Oh thanks a lot JJ!''

JJ chuckled, giving Lauren a smart-ass grin and a wink as she shrugged nonchalantly.

''What? You're the teacher.''

''And you're her Mother, which means _you _have to have the birds and the bees talk with her.''

JJ almost choked on her water, coughing lightly as she shook her head defiantly.

''No, no. Not until she's…35!''

The pure terror of having that conversation, or the thought of Amelia getting old enough to need that talk was written all over JJ's face. The image of some smarmy, one track minded boy putting the moves on her daughter gave her a gipping reaction, and the same urge as she got when facing an unsub, which was to grab her gun.

''35? And how old were you again?''

JJ shot a death glare toward her sister that could wither just about anyone she ever aimed it at.

''Shut up.''

Lauren chuckled, looking down at the awaiting youngster again.

''How about you run up to your room and see what I got you today?''

Amelia's eyes widened at the prospect of presents, and immediately forgot her question and instead bolted for her room happily. Once she was out of earshot, Lauren leant over the counter as JJ moved to sit on one of the stools on the other side.

''What happened with Archer this time?''

She enquired, knowing that Amelia wasn't supposed to be home until tomorrow. She had made herself scarce last night because she knew JJ had asked Emily over for dinner, and she had only come back an hour ago, hoping that the coast was clear. What she had found was a note from JJ saying that she would be back later and that she had gone to pick Amelia up to bring her home.

''What usually happens. He failed to keep it in his pants while she's there, so she has to find another random girl there in the morning, yet again. We had to have a little talk about it again, she was a little upset. So we've been at the beach.''

Lauren nodded, automatically knowing that the beach would have given Amelia some comfort and a chance to just enjoy herself with her Mother. She felt for her sister, having to deal with Archer all of the time. He could be more trouble than anything else, in her eyes.

She knew JJ only wanted to give Amelia the chance to know her Father, and him the same thing, but sometimes she wondered if it was actually worth it. Whether a bit of hurt would be better than a lot. Because all that seemed to happen was that Archer did something wrong, leading Amelia to get upset and JJ have to explain everything on his behalf.

''I know you love him JJ, but…''

''Lauren, please just…don't.''

Lauren caught the soft, tired sigh and the tired look in her big sisters' eyes and decided to drop it. She didn't want to push her.

''Okay JJ. So have you talked to her about Emily yet?''

''I was going to do that today, after Archer called this morning. But should I still? We've already had to talk over that…I don't know whether this will be too much.''

''She's a smart kid; I think it'll be okay. Just talk to her how you usually talk to her, you're good at explaining stuff.''

JJ smiled as she rubbed the back of her neck gently.

''Thanks Lauren.''

Lauren grinned as she nodded, letting out a satisfied grunt before her eyes turned devilish.

''So, how'd dinner go last night? I noticed you changed your sheets!''

She pried with a suggestive tone, wiggling her eyebrows as JJ threw her an off look as she sighed slowly.

''Wow, I changed my bedding. Been known to happen.''

Lauren just snickered and stood up straight.

''You are so _busted_!''

JJ laughed lightly, almost incredulously as she shrugged, flailing a hand into the air as Lauren kept grinning at her like the cat that just caught the cream.

''For what? Having sex in my own house? It's my house, remember?''

She pointed out, arching an eyebrow in defiance of Lauren's playful embarrassment tactic.

''Yeah, yeah…so…she any good? Cos that glow you got there…''

Lauren didn't get any further due to the piece of fruit she had to dodge that had come hurtling toward her, making her squeal and laugh as she just managed to get away from it.

After sitting down and talking to her sister for a little while, and playing some more with her daughter, JJ made some dinner. Amelia's questions seemed to have relented a little bit, and eventually she took to sitting on her Mother's or Auntie's knee to play with the stuff that Lauren had picked up for her, a couple of game type stuff with educational purposes.

She chattered to both of them about random things, informed Lauren about what JJ had told her about big seashells as she had sown her small ones and pebbles to her before she had eaten her dinner. Apparently all the running around on the beach and the quick fire questions the whole way through had tired her out. After dinner she had found a spot on the carpet after turning on the TV and pressing the number that she knew would turn it onto her favourite cartoon channel.

As Amelia got glued to the cartoons, randomly answering the TV back and giggling, JJ did a couple of things around the house before making a coffee and sitting down on the couch to read.

Lauren had gotten changed and headed out for the night, saying she would be back for the football game and dinner on Sunday, and also not wanting to pass up the opportunity of finally meeting her sisters new girlfriend. JJ had somehow managed to work it so that they had missed one another. She was rather artful like that. JJ smirked at getting dissed by her sister about that.

''Mommy can I have some milk?''

JJ looked up from her book, which she had been rather engrossed in. She had curled into the corner, leaning slightly onto the arm as she twiddled her hair with an absent mind. She blinked slightly, closing her book as she nodded.

''Sure baby.''

JJ got up and stretched a little as she walked through to the kitchen. Taking a deep breath in, she checked her watch for the time before pulling open the fridge and grabbing the carton of milk. On autopilot, as she realised it would be time to get Amelia in the bath pretty soon, she grabbed one of her daughter's plastic, cartoon covered glasses and poured in some milk.

She began to think of how she was going to start up this conversation about Emily. Now that she had been left to her own devices by Lauren, the spurt of confidence she had felt had evaporated, leaving her wondering how in the hell she was going to do this. After pouring the milk, as words filtered through her head, she picked up a couple of bananas, peeled one and split in half before putting it on a little plate with matching cartoon patterns, and picked up the second one as well as the glass and walked back through.

''Here you go, another half hour and bath time, okay?''

Amelia nodded, gripping the glass with both hands and taking a rather huge gulp as JJ put the little plate on her daughter's knee before giving her a kiss on top of her head and retiring back to the couch with her own banana.

''Kay…thank you Mommy.''

''You're welcome honey.''

When that half an hour had rolled around, Amelia had gone along with JJ compliantly, helping to pick which bubbles went into the water and chose a couple of toys to go in there too.

She asked about tomorrow, knowing that it was Sunday. And Amelia Jareau knew what Sunday was, game day! JJ had laughed as Amelia asked a half dozen questions about tomorrows football game, excited because it was always a fun day. And she laughed harder when Amelia decided to do the little game day dance that she did in her little naked glory, before she had swooped her up and put her into the bath.

''Amelia, Mommy needs to talk to you about something important, okay?''

''Kay Mommy…''

Taking in a slow breath as she repositioned herself slightly on the floor next to the bath, JJ hesitated for a second, struggling a little on how to break into the conversation. She looked at Amelia, who was looking back at her with great big blue eyes, patiently awaiting this important conversation. She looked so sweet, blinking every now and then with wet hair and bubbles everywhere.

''Honey, do you remember my friend? She came to the door a few weeks ago, her name is Emily.''

Amelia seemed to think for a moment, and then she nodded rapidly as she remembered.

''Okay, good. Do you remember when I explained about the difference between friends and romantic friends?''

Once again Amelia thought before she nodded, this time flailing a little in the water.

''Like how umm…how you is friends with Gracie's Daddy but Auntie Lauren's friend is her umm…boyfriend?''

JJ smiled, nodding encouragingly taking in a moment to revel in totally selfish proud moment of 'my daughter is totally wicked smart' that parents were allowed to do.

''That's great Amelia. We talked about how different people are attracted to each other, didn't we? And I explained that some girls and boys like each other, but some girls like other girls and some boys like other boys. Do you remember that?''

Amelia nodded slowly, completely focused on JJ and what she was saying.

''Well, you're Daddy and I are only friends because I don't really like boys as anything other than friends, honey. I know it's a little hard to understand right now, but I promise you it'll start making sense as you get older. And you know you can ask me anything you want to so that it's not as confusing, okay?''

JJ paused, taking in a breath and wondering if she was saying too much too fast. But Amelia kept looking at her, nodding lightly as the cogs inside her head turned, clearly to be seen through her eyes.

''So, what I wanted to talk to you about baby, is that Emily isn't just my friend. She's my girlfriend, and I like her very much.''

''Why?''

''Because she's a very nice person, and she makes me happy.''

''Don't I make you happy anymore Mommy?''

As those little eyes turned sad, JJ felt her heart crack, causing her to reach out and cup Amelia's face softly.

''Oh, honey…of course you do. You make me so happy, and I love you so much. Never doubt that. Emily makes me happy in a different way, okay? It doesn't mean that you make me less happy or anything, and she's not going to take me away from you. I'm your Mommy, and nothing is ever going to change that.''

''What 'bout Daddy?''

''Nothing is going to change that either sweetheart. Your Daddy is your Daddy, and you can still see him like you do.''

''If Emily is your special friend does that mean she sleeps in your bed like Daddy's special friends?''

JJ cleared her throat, stalling for a moment as to think up of an answer.

''Yes baby, but she won't be staying here until you've gotten to know her, okay? And it's a little different than Daddy's friends. This is more special, and there's only her. She's not a special friend, she's my girlfriend. Do you get it a little?''

''I think so Mommy. Can I get out now?''

JJ grabbed a towel and stood up, wrapping Amelia up before lifting her out. She carried her through to her bedroom, and dried her off before helping her get into her pyjamas.

As she did, JJ watched her carefully, noticing that she seemed to be processing the information. Whether it had been too much, she wasn't sure. But Amelia thought about it still as JJ dried and brushed her hair. Then, she got her daughter a light snack and a drink, letting her snuggle up next to her in her bed.

''Mommy?''

''Yes sweetheart?''

Amelia moved from where she was sprawled on her, having been watching the cartoons again which JJ had switched on. She sat up, cross-legged so that she could face her Mother.

''Is Emily your girlfriend like Renee?''

JJ blinked, her breath catching in her chest as the words reached her ears. Amelia looked at her so innocently, and obviously wanting to make sense of what they had talked about. But this had been the last thing she'd expected her to ask. To help her make it make sense. It was two years ago, and Amelia had been barely three when Renee had left. She hadn't really mentioned her after a while when it happened, so she hadn't had any idea that her daughter still remembered her.

''You…you remember Renee?''

Amelia nodded lightly.

''Ah ha. But she went away and you cried a lot Mommy.''

''Amelia, I had no idea that you remembered her, I'm sorry. Things don't always work out with people the way you want them to. And Renee did make me sad for a little while.''

''Will Emily make you sad too?''

JJ smiled and shook her head gently.

''I don't think so honey, no.''

''I want you to be happy Mommy.''

JJ's smile widened at the sincerity in her daughter's voice, saw how genuine and innocent her eyes were. Sometimes it stalled her at just how amazing her daughter was. So smart and perceptive, so genuine. She just had a beautiful, flourishing personality and she couldn't be more happy and proud of that.

She felt a little lump stick in her throat as a few tears sprang into her eyes, touched that her five year old could sit across from her and say something like that and really mean it. Especially when all of this must have still been rather confusing to her. Despite her worries that Emily might steal her away. But Amelia did trust her, and if she had said that that wouldn't happen, she probably believed it to be true, she'd never lied to her before.

''Thank you Amelia, that means so much to me. C'mere..''

Amelia bounced back over to her, happily being pulled in for a bear hug and giggling as JJ squeezed and kissed her quickly. After a moment, she stopped to let the little girl catch her breath as she snuggled her up close.

''So, do you think it would be okay if Emily came over for brunch tomorrow, and had dinner with us after the game? Would you mind that?''

She asked, wanting to give Amelia both the feeling of, and the actual control over what happened tomorrow. If she wasn't ready, JJ could understand that. She had to give her daughter the choice, this was too important to rush.

''That'd be 'kay Mommy! Can I go to sleep here?''

''Okay sweetheart, get settled in.''

After Amelia got herself comfortable, nuzzled into her side with her head in her shoulder, JJ switched off the TV and put some music on before switching out the lights. It had been a long night for her last night, and she was pretty tired from the day too. So in no time at all, she drifted asleep with her daughter.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Nine**

It would have been a lie to say she wasn't nervous. Because she was. Actually, Emily tried to think back on when she had felt just this nervous. Butterflies fluttered around her stomach so quickly that she honestly didn't know what to do with herself. Her brain wouldn't let her be and she had been a rather un-coordinated jangled mess all morning.

Yesterday hadn't been too bad. These thoughts hadn't been invading her head yesterday. After she had left JJ's house, after a rather crushing kiss goodbye, the profiler had driven around for a while, happy to just enjoy that relaxed type of feeling you got when something good was happening. When you knew something special was happening. As corny as it sounded, she had been in her own little bubble up on cloud nine.

Even her parents hadn't quite managed to burst that bubble. Deciding that she couldn't dodge the insistent requests for a visit any longer, and also getting sick of the snarky voicemails that Ambassador Prentiss kept leaving for her about it, Emily had decided to throw herself at the mercy of her politician parents.

She had gone home, showered and changed, grabbed a quick snack in the form of a bagel and hit the road again. Just happily to turn the radio up in her car, window down, sleeves up, sunglasses on. She even sang along. Arriving at the estate, she had smiled and offered the staff she saw a greeting, walking into the entrance hall without preamble.

It turned out that she had picked a day that her parents had some friends over for a late lunch, which was an unusual relief. At least she had other people to chat to for a while, not giving them chance to interrogate her or scrutinise her right off the bat. Actually, they were rather…nice.

After some light conversations, and some debates on foreign and home affairs, after the guests had done asking her about her job, they had made their leave, abandoning her to her fate. So it had been a pleasant surprised that the conversations had put her parents in a rather pleasant mood, and the conversation between the three of them had been rather polite. She had just smiled at them, that quiet mysterious twinkle in her eyes telling them that she knew something they didn't know as she had sipped on some tea, when they had asked if she was seeing anybody yet.

This wasn't for them yet. This was still hers, still JJ's. And it was about to be a little bigger. Causing the butterflies in her stomach and her almost bambi like co-ordination. She wondered how an experienced, collected and capable FBI Agent, a profiler no less, could be so nervous about meeting one little girl.

Amelia was just a kid, right? But she knew it wasn't true. She knew how important this was. To her, to JJ. She knew that she desperately wanted things to work out well, for Amelia to like her. But she also knew that she was stepping in on the five year olds territory. She was the stranger stepping into their life; one where previously she'd had her Mother all to herself.

Kids smelt fear, didn't they?

Emily gulped, hands still gripping her steering wheel, even though she had been parked for at least a few minutes now. Her eyes drifted over to JJ's house, and she took in the features of it slowly. Just looking at her house, knowing this was where she called home; it made her feel warm inside.

Suddenly since she had been dating the blonde, the house wasn't just a house any more. Because she knew it was hers, she could see traits of JJ all over it. When did she turn into a sap?

Pulling herself together, Emily exited the car. The pre lunchtime sun was shining down gloriously, bathing everything and everyone in its warm rays. The air was full of the sounds of suburbia. The sound of families, dogs, kids…the sound of life.

The thing that she had been trying to protect since she had started at the Academy. This is what she fought so hard for. There had been times when she thought she would get to experience it too, only to come so close but so far. But now, she felt like she had a true shot at it, and she wasn't going to let that go.

Due to the warmth of the day already, Emily decided to forgo her jacket, deciding to leave it where it was, haphazardly strewn on the passenger seat of her car. As she walked around to the pavement, she pressed the lock on her keys and heard the familiar beep of her car, telling her that it was now locked and alarmed.

Due to her being her, she made a quick scan of the immediate area, noticing that on the lawn of the house next door but one to JJ's, a woman around or a smidgen older than herself hovered there, looking her way. She was too clouded with thought to make a real thought of it though, assuming that it was because she was a relatively unfamiliar face to a street like this.

She knocked on JJ's front door, suddenly looking down and brushing away imaginary lint from her shirt. Should she have worn this? Should she have worn something else? Would jeans and her green elbow sleeved shirt be okay? Was it too casual…too low? There was no going back now though. She heard the sound of the lock being turned on the door, and a split second later it opened. And then suddenly she forgot the knot inside her stomach.

''Hey baby!''

JJ greeted her cheerily, making Emily smile widely, possibly with a goofy glint in her eyes at the term of affection. She didn't really think about it when she stepped inside, letting JJ wrap her arms around her neck and pull her into a deliciously hungry kiss.

She could tell, and she very much liked, how much the blonde wanted her, how much she'd missed her. Her hands automatically moved to find skin, slipping across JJ's sides, not actually needing to search for skin because she already found it available there, given that JJ's shirt had ridden up ever so slightly as she'd lifted up her arms. Her skin was soft and warm, just like it was etched into her memory.

Emily had definitely come to find that she rather liked being pinned up against walls by a certain blonde. Previously, she had done all the pinning people up movements, but there was just something about JJ that let her stand down from her need to be the most controlling one, gladly leaving herself to the blonde's mercy.

''Hey yourself.''

Emily finally managed to drawl, quite breathlessly, as they pulled apart a mere couple of inches dew to oxygen issues. She let that lop sided smirk move onto her lips again, even as JJ placed another kiss on her, though lighter than the last.

''You are right on time Agent Prentiss, as usual. I've been thinking about you.''

JJ smirked, radiant eyes glowing impossibly more so than usual. The slumber that she had fallen into last night had been deep and restful, with good dreams to boot, leaving her energetic and light when she had woken up.

Or rather, _been_ woken up by the little ball of sunshine that was usually Amelia in the mornings. Alert and fresh, awake to start another day. Excited that it was Sunday.

She had listened to her daughter tell her about her dream about a dog and a pony, which JJ artfully avoided the hint of wanting one of each, as she had cut up some fruit for them both and poured out some juice. It was always a light breakfast type snack in the morning, considering they usually had a brunch later.

And as JJ had been about to mention Emily again, Amelia had asked about her of her own accord. It relieved JJ that Amelia was still seemingly amiable to the whole idea, and that it seemed to settle well.

''I've been thinking about you too. I erm…I thought about calling yesterday but I backed out. Thought maybe I shouldn't.''

It had been so tempting, and it had taken an inordinate amount of will power, and a rather lengthy run to stop herself. Emily didn't want to crowd JJ when she was with Amelia. Not when she was having the discussion she had with her yesterday. She didn't want to come across as pushy. And she didn't want to encroach on JJ's time with her daughter.

''You could have, Em. Things went okay though. I talked to Amelia, I told her what we are and what it means. She's curious. A little worried maybe, but mostly curious and okay about it.''

''Worried?''

JJ took in a breath, nodding slightly as she bit her bottom lip for a second.

''She told me that she remembered Renee. I had no idea; she must have a memory like Reid's or something! But she erm…she asked me if you would hurt me like Renee did, because I cried a lot when she left. I tried to keep it from her I did…but…''

Emily nodded, understanding JJ's words as she put two of her fingers under the blonde's chin to get her to look up again after she bowed her head. Obviously she was upset of the notion that she hadn't been able to shield that from her daughter, like it was something to protect her from. To keep Amelia from seeing her Mother like that, or giving her a reason to worry.

''Hey, JJ, kids just know, okay? You didn't do anything wrong.''

She reassured, brushing blonde strands out the way of an emotional face. Her parents had had constant difficulties through their marriage. Probably still did. Emily had always known when they were fighting, whether they bothered to try and cover it up or not. Whether she heard them fighting or not.

It was never talked about. That wasn't the Prentiss way. But it had been the elephant in the room. They thought she didn't know, but children were always underestimated in their perceptiveness. And for a little girl such as Amelia, who was obviously so adoring of her Mom, there would have been no way to get it by her.

''I'm…not so sure. We'll see, I guess. But anyway, we talked a little about you and she told me that she wanted me to be happy. She's been asking about you this morning too. So, I think that's a pretty good sign, don't you?''

Emily smiled, nodding slowly.

''Yeah, I think that's a pretty good sign.''

Even though she still had butterflies in her stomach, Emily didn't feel that pang of anxiety quite as much now that she was stood in front of JJ. Who she trusted, who would be right there.

Looking at her now, so stunning and heartening as she was, so excited with her eyes and smile shining with the prospect of what was to come. The same prospect that she felt.

This was it. This was a hugely defining moment, and it excited her more than scared her now. Because again, all she kept seeing when she looked at JJ was future. And Amelia was part of that future too. And somehow, that just didn't seem frightening at all.

''I didn't know if I should bring anything, but I erm…I got this little art set…I dunno the pictures on the walls just suggested that…but I left it in the car.''

Evidently though, that realisation didn't stop her ramblings. Emily rolled her eyes at herself, tutting at her own inarticulate manner before taking in a steadying breath. She dropped her eyes toward the floor as she did, clearing her throat before looking back up, slightly more encouraged when she saw JJ's smirk. Not a teasing one, but one that told her that she thought she was being sweet. An adorable geek, if Emily remembered correctly from their third date.

''You didn't, but it's sweet that you did, thank you. How about we have something to eat first, let her get used to you being here?''

Emily nodded slowly, completely at the mercy of JJ's advice on this one. She licked her lips slowly as she felt a small lump work its way into her throat. Still not feeling quite as bad as she had outside, but still having the twinges of nerves and worry.

''It'll be okay, Em. Just be yourself.''

JJ encouraged with a smile, leaning in to place a gentle, momentary kiss on Emily's lips before taking her hand. She turned, leading the older woman through the hallway and through into the kitchen.

Emily looked around, quickly taking in things that stood out. The morning paper was open on the breakfast island, a cup of coffee still sitting next to it. That's where JJ had been.

On the table at the other side, there was a glass of half drunken juice, obviously where Amelia had abandoned it until she wanted it again. The little stereo in the corner was on, letting a medium sound of funky beats that was obviously one of JJ's trip hop type bands she liked.

The large glass patio door between the kitchen and the back garden was pulled open, letting the air of the morning come in, and revealing the sound of playing children that she had heard outside in. And one voice was a lot closer than the others. JJ let go of Emily's hand as they got by the island, and walked over to the door.

''Amelia? Sweetheart I need you to come inside please. Emily is here.''

JJ turned her head toward Emily, still offering her an encouraging smile. She wasn't expecting to be slammed into by her over zealous daughter, which made her grunt and stagger a little by the force.

Amelia kept her arms wrapped around her, hiding behind her as she peeked out a little bit. JJ tried to move around, tried to turn to look behind her, but it was rather difficult when Amelia moved with her.

''Baby, stop hiding behind me, I can't move! You going to come out?''

Amelia shook her head, still looking over and up at Emily as she peeked out from behind her Mother, little hands still gripping onto her jeans. She didn't seem to be upset; actually she was smiling just a little bit. In that adorable shy way.

''Okay, then why don't you say hello? Show her I've actually been raising you with manners!''

JJ quipped, rolling her eyes slightly as she let out a laughing sigh.

''Hi Emily.''

Emily smiled at the shy yet sweet greeting, moving to crouch down but not move forward. She didn't want to flood the kid. If she felt like she needed to stay behind JJ for a while, that was okay.

''Hello Amelia, it's nice to see you again.''

Those little sparkling blue eyes got a little clearer as Amelia shuffled out an inch, un-bashfully looking her up and down, as though trying to figure something out. She looked up at JJ for a moment, receiving a loving smile as she did, and then looked back at Emily again.

''You like my Mommy.''

Emily nodded.

''Yeah I do. A lot.''

''Does you love Mommy?''

Emily's eyes flicked up toward JJ for a moment, a small smirk crossing her lips as brown eyes glowed a little, before she looked back at Amelia again.

''I'm starting to, yeah. She's very special.''

Amelia looked at her again, as if weighing up Emily's answers in her head. Once again, she shuffled out a little bit, still holding onto JJ but enough to be seen almost properly. She still looked at Emily as JJ put a hand on the back of her head gently, stroking through some of her hair.

''Mommy said you can hear waves in shells!''

JJ had to choke back a little laughter at the complete subject change, and also went a little red that Amelia had chosen that in particular to strike up what passed as a decent conversation in five year old eyes. Because it was one of those things that you told your kids, but aside from that it had no real place.

''Seashells, honey.''

The blonde interjected, making Amelia nod vigorously. Emily smiled, obviously already charmed by the little girl.

''In the big ones, sure you can yeah.''

The profiler agreed without missing a beat. Amelia grinned, stepping out a little more, only holding onto JJ with one arm now, which was still wrapped around her leg.

''I like the beach.''

''Me too.''

''Do umm…do you like horses?''

''I love horses, yes. I erm…I have one actually.''

Emily made a distinct effort not to look at JJ right then!

''_Really_?''

''Yep. You can meet him, if you want. He's very nice.''

''What's his name?''

''Wicket.''

That time, Emily did look up toward JJ slowly as the blonde pretended to clear her throat, but a very distinct 'geek' could be heard through it. She grinned widely, obviously proud of herself, and Emily noted to herself to firstly get her own back later, and secondly ask JJ just how exactly she knew where the name was from!

''Mommy's name is really Jennifer…and umm…and she pick-ted mine…Amelia Her…Herm…''

Emily had to lean her face on her hand slightly, so that she could smile into her palm, not wanting to distract Amelia's mission on trying to pronounce her name. The clear focus on her face reminded her of when JJ was focusing on something too, it was adorable. She glanced upward again, finding that JJ was looking down at her daughter with just as much amusement.

''Hermione. Yeah, we haven't mastered that one just yet!''

She said playfully, looking back over at Emily as Amelia squeaked.

''Ya. What your Mommy call you?''

''Me? Just Emily, actually. But you know, you and I? We pretty much have the same name.''

Amelia looked at Emily as though she had grown a second head, which only made the brunette smirk even more.

''Do not!''

''The sound of it is different, sure. But Amelia is a form of Emily.''

''It is?''

The little girl squeaked, compelled to believe Emily for some reason.

''It is?''

Echoed JJ, frowning slightly as she squeaked in an almost disbelieving surprise. Emily nodded, clearing her throat slightly. JJ snickered a little, chuckling lightly as she rolled her eyes.

''Good job I didn't pick Emily then, 'cos _that _would've been weird!''

She muttered, though the mutter got caught by Emily who looked at her with a trace of alarm in her eyes. She was right though, it would have been weird. Still, her little geeky bit of information had made Amelia step forward just a little bit. Her eyes still reflected her curiosity and a little of her hesitancy, but Emily could tell that she was warming to her a little bit too. That was good.

''Does you wanna see my wendy house?''

Amelia asked eventually, pointing toward the open door. Emily looked at JJ, who's smile told her she had hit upon a good thing, then nodded enthusiastically.

''I'd love to.''

Amelia grinned, finally letting go of JJ to move forward. She took Emily's hand, and began to pull her outside, chattering random pieces of information as she did. As Emily was practically dragged past JJ, the blonde gave her a little wave goodbye, still with that look and smile that spoke volumes. Emily thought this may end up being a rather great day.

For JJ, having been abandoned and apparently forgotten, she was just content on watching from the kitchen. Either out the window as she finished her coffee, or at the door or then from the counter as she made up some pancake batter.

She could hear little squeals of laughter that she easily recognised as her daughter, who was certainly putting Emily through her paces. The brunette seemed to be coping remarkably however, and whatever game Amelia had roped her into was clearly a good one.

JJ had had to laugh though, when the hyper little smudge pulled Emily far too quickly toward the door of her little house, which of course resulted in a blow to the head. Still, Emily had just kept right on going, leaving JJ to just chuckle away about the sight.

After she had made up the batter for pancakes, which was of course the Sunday brunch tradition…when she was at home for it, JJ started to cook them, singing along to her music as she did. After putting some plates onto the table with the syrups and cutlery, she went over to the door.

''Girls, the pancakes are ready!''

She called out, laughing lightly as she did. Two heads popped out of the wendy house, and Amelia at least had the good grace enough to wait for Emily as she managed to get out of the little thing.

JJ knew how hard it was to get in and out, given that it was made for a child. After she had escaped though, both of them made quick work of getting back into the kitchen. Amelia ran the last bit of difference, heading straight at her Mother, who swooped her up, knowing that was her daughter's intention.

''Okay you little monster, let's get your hands washed.''

''Emily too?''

''Yes, Emily too!''

JJ gave her girlfriend a side glance, smirking as she did as she got Amelia to the tap before concentrating on helping her wash her hands. The chirpy five year old focused on her task too, grinning widely when they had finished.

She lunged back into JJ, making her grunt softly, and wrapped her arms around her quickly, squeezing firmly. JJ chuckled, stepping aside so that Emily could move in to wash her hands too, and didn't fail to notice that the brunette was watching Amelia's sweet little display of affection before carrying her over to the table.

After slipping her into her chair, JJ leaned over her to put some of the pancakes on the stack she'd made onto her daughter plate, before putting her some syrup over them. Then she placed a kiss on the top of her head before walking back over to Emily, taking in a deep breath as she slipped her arms around her waist and into a light hug.

''How's your head?''

She asked, making Emily snort in amusement.

''Oh, you saw that did you? It's fine; I've taken harder knocks. Besides, it was worth it for the outcome.''

JJ smiled, lightly tracing her fingertips over Emily's face leading up to where the knock had been. There were no signs of a bruise, and no real sign of a bump. She'd be fine. Still, the brunette's words did resonate within her. Seeing things go well between her daughter and her girlfriend was beyond relieving.

She realised as she had been watching them, that she felt like she had been holding her breath or something. She had told Emily to be herself, and she had and that's how she had won Amelia over. But she had also made Emily believe that she had been confident, without a doubt. But there had been a little part inside of her that had been a little nervous. All the disaster scenarios that could happen had been living there, reminding her that things didn't always work out so well. Especially in her life.

If Amelia had been in a bad mood, or Emily had given off an incongruent vibe for her daughter to pick up on, things could have gone a hell of a lot differently. But she could already see a flicker of a bond being forged, and it relieved her.

Amelia was a very smart girl, she could put a lot of things together. Especially when it came to people. She was scarily perceptive about people. Her questions last night, JJ could tell, had landed somewhere in her cute little head, and she had kept hold of the answers to hold up against Emily.

Of course, she was only five. Her questions posed to Emily herself had been important only really to a five year old. But the sweetest one, in JJ's eyes, had been that even at such a young age, Amelia had wanted to make sure that Emily wasn't out to hurt her. It had been possibly one of the sweetest things she had ever heard. Coupling that with their talk last night, and JJ knew that she had a truly wonderful kid.

''She is _so_ much like you JJ.''

''Is that a good thing?''

The blonde quipped back lightly, before she saw the seriousness in Emily's eyes. A look so deep and penetrating that it struck through all her defences, like many looks previously delivered by the older woman. She gulped a little as Emily brushed some strands of her hair back, never breaking that connection.

''It's an amazing thing.''

The moment seemed to stretch out forever and a day, but still seemed to be crudely cut short too. JJ placed a soft, lingering kiss on her lovers cheek, eyes sparkling in response to the comment. She then took the profilers hand and lead her to the table, letting go only when they both needed to move to sit down.

This felt good. Having Emily here. Having her do this with them, join in the silly, cheery banter and laugh with her and Amelia, who continued on her lines of random questioning, as sweet as ever. She was so damn good with her. Listening and responding attentively as Amelia reeled off little stories about her friends, or the experiences she'd had. Telling little stories, throwing her own whimsy and style in there to boot.

This had been what JJ had looked forward to, back before she had gotten pregnant. To being in this place. And she could see a whole lot further. A future that held so many prospects. Because she knew that she felt like Emily did, even now. Even though they were a little shy of two months of dating. But this thing between them was older than that. And maybe time was irrelevant when you found the one you were supposed to fall in love with.

It was perhaps an hour later, after JJ had tried rather unsuccessfully to get Amelia to come upstairs to change, that she had gone up to her daughters room to grab the clothes, fetching them down into the living room. Then, it had been a job of catching her daughter from outside, bouncing her around slightly as she carried her almost upside down into the house, which made her laugh and squeal as she did.

''Mommy! Put me down!''

''Oh what so you can escape again and I almost burst a lung trying to catch you? Mommy isn't _that _silly my child! After you get changed you can go and play again.''

Amelia giggled as her plot was discovered, the classic escape and evade effort, usually after someone was gullible enough to give in to her little innocent baby face, thinking she would comply. Suckers!

JJ however, knew every trick in the book that her daughter could cook up. Either because she had done it with her own parents, or she had learnt the hard way by being one of the suckers!

Once in the living room, JJ plonked Amelia down, then sat on the edge of the couch, pulling her hyper child in between her legs. She glanced up, seeing that Emily was leaning on the archway, neither too far in or too far out, but just not wanting to intrude.

The profiler was still smirking a little, probably at her interaction with Amelia, but was looking around the room with interest. From the iPod dock, the beats of _What Have You Done? _by Within Temptation sounded out, making Emily cock an eyebrow and turn her attention back onto her.

''You're intent on giving Amelia your taste in music, then? Aspirations of her being a rock star?''

She teased lightly, making JJ laugh as she pried her daughter out of the pink Ewoks t-shirt she'd had on for the morning.

''Hey, like Mother like daughter, gotta educate her on proper music before that chart crap gets her! And as far as being a rock star goes, she can be whatever she wants to be. Well, unless it requires a gun, then just no!''

Emily laughed, seeing the playful smirk in JJ's eyes, but still thinking that the blonde may just have been serious about that. Emily couldn't imagine much that Amelia could do, or turn into, that wouldn't get supported by her Mother.

Though from the look on JJ's face, she had a distinct dislike for the thought of her daughter doing anything causing her to carry a gun, and that just wasn't an option. It was cute. A little hypocritical and protective Mother-ish, but very cute none the less.

''JJ, I'm home!''

Before JJ even had a chance to grab her, Amelia bolted. Taking the opportunity to run seeing as JJ didn't have a hold of her anymore because she had been too busy removing the sandles and the skirt that she had been wearing, to get her changed. The little blonde made her way out of the living room and into the hall, straight toward her Aunt, completely unabashed that she was in nothing but her knickers and vest. She didn't even flinch when she noticed a man standing behind Lauren.

''Ooh, half naked child, we got a streaker people!''

Lauren yelled out in a 'crazy' tone that made both herself and Amelia laughed before she swooped the escapee up into her arms. As she did, the young woman growled as she pressed kisses all over her nieces faces as though she were trying to devour her, making Amelia laugh even harder.

''Huh, running around barely dressed…just like your Mom!''

Lauren mused with a wicked and crooked grin covering her face.

''I heard that! And I seem to remember a certain little sister of mine doing _plenty _of streaking in her time, ass hat!''

Lauren cleared her throat lightly, going a little red as the guy behind her, Warren, chuckled and poked her in the shoulder at JJ's comeback which drifted out from the room.

''Oh-kay, we'll have less of that talk _Jennifer_. Here's your…child…hi. You must be Emily.''

Lauren was stalled in her speech as she rounded the corner, Amelia now haphazardly strewn over her shoulder. She smiled almost shyly as she clapped eyes on the brunette stood in the opposite archway, hands tucked part way into her pockets.

Without a doubt she knew that was Emily. Although completely different to her sisters other choice in girlfriends, Emily was totally her style. The first clue that gave it away was that the woman was hot! She was straight and she knew that the moment she saw her. JJ had always had a knack for landing herself beautiful women, if not a little evil and/or difficult and deranged.

There had only been one or two that she or their other siblings and parents had ever actually liked, because her taste sucked. But the way she had been acting lately, and even from the simple first impression, Lauren automatically knew this one was different.

''Yeah, Prentiss. I've heard a lot about you, it's nice to meet you.''

''Likewise.''

Still with Amelia slung over her shoulder, squeaking every now and then, Lauren approached Emily and offered out a hand, which the profiler shook politely.

Lauren deemed herself to be a pretty good judge of character. The vibes that she got off people, especially the initial ones, she considered to be some of the most important. And it seemed that Emily was doing pretty well. She was polite, sincere and warm. That was good. She had a nice smile, and a look in her eyes that told her that she was going to be very good for her sister.

''Lauren, could you put my daughter down before she starts turning colours?''

JJ interrupted, making Lauren look over at her again, suddenly remembering that she did indeed have the little girl over her shoulder. Bending down a little, she put Amelia back onto the ground, making sure she didn't wobble over as she readjusted. JJ wiggled her finger in a come-hither motion toward her, holding up the little pair of jeans with the other.

''C'mere Brat Face, get your Redskins jersey on. And you know…pants!''

This time, Amelia let her Mother dress her in the said clothes, and Emily laughed as JJ and her daughter did a few Redskins cheers'. She had to admit, Amelia looked unbelievably adorable in her little football jersey, her face all lit up with excitement about dinner and the game.

Though, she was sure she was probably more excited because of dinner, and JJ's excitement of the game, given that she was only five and probably didn't really understand the game at all. Hell, she wasn't sure if _she _understood the game at all. But she enjoyed the atmosphere.

She enjoyed the little sisterly jibes that flowed between JJ and Lauren. And she pretended not to understand Lauren's hushed comment to JJ that went something along the lines of 'oh yeah, she's good' which made JJ blush and swat her younger sibling.

It was cute how her girlfriend got a little over protective as she had been introduced to Warren. The way she had looked at him had almost made her laugh. That serious and possibly dangerous sparkle in blue eyes gave a look of warning toward the basketball player, a promise of bodily harm if he hurt her kid sister hung in the air like an elephant in the room.

JJ hadn't needed to say anything, really. But after a shove from Lauren, and after Warren had sworn that he had only genuine intentions in his head, JJ relaxed a little bit. The laid back, friendlier JJ started to shine again, much to Lauren's relief, it seemed.

This is what she had been talking about to JJ. Emily felt like she had missed something, that something was lacking inside, in her experience. This everyday bond, this essence of family and connection. Just from the way the sisters acted with Amelia, Emily could easily tell that it was just innate. That they had grown up with that, it was normal, second nature. Nothing was forced.

It told her that they'd had a happy childhood too. A free one, with a supportive family. Nothing was ever perfect of course, Emily was sure that they'd had their ups and downs. But the spirit of it, that was strong. JJ's family had supported her, just automatically been there for her when she had needed them. Emily wondered if she was in a similar position, whether her parents would do the same. They would help her, but help was different from support.

It didn't matter though. None of that seemed to matter. Today wasn't about them, or how she had been raised. Today was about this. It was about exploring more of JJ, of her life. Her family and friends. For once in her life, she stopped thinking. Stopped trying. She just was.

Of course, she still kept her observations. Like how she could already tell that Amelia would probably end up skipping a grade, maybe two. She was just a happy five year old, but there were tell tale signs of just how smart she was, about her mental reasoning's and what not. Behind those bright little eyes of hers, Emily could see the cogs turning. She could actually see Amelia taking in everything around her, processing it and putting it somewhere inside.

She knew that look because it was the same one that JJ had. And Amelia had seemed to process the fact that she didn't pose a threat to her Mother. But then, she also knew that because she had told her.

Emily wondered if JJ knew that her daughter had a rather brilliant interrogation skill, she had been on the end of it in the wendy house. Where the little girl had set about asking a series of questions, perhaps not all logical but then again she was still only five, but all with the same theme. Protecting Mommy. Making sure that she wasn't there to upset the balance of things. Making sure she wasn't there to take JJ away from her, or to push her Father out, or to make Mommy cry. That was truly one hell of a daughter Jennifer had.

''Hey, what you thinkin' 'bout out here?''

Emily looked around, smiling lightly as she leant back into JJ as the blonde came up behind her, wrapping her arms around her as she did. She shook the haze from her mind that had moved in over it, the thoughts and feelings she was just dwelling on. It had been a big day. And they were still yet to have dinner.

She had spent a lot of time with Amelia, and a good amount of time talking to Lauren too, before managing to steal some time with JJ in her room as the blonde had gotten changed herself, swapping her red shirt for her football shirt. Emily had certainly taken advantage of the in between shirts moment, moving in to kiss her girlfriend, as well as a little shameless groping too. Not that JJ had been objecting, however.

After that, they had walked around to the house next door but one, where Emily had realised that the woman that had watched her from the lawn earlier was JJ's friend, Nancy. A nice woman, interested and keen to meet her. JJ explained that they would often eat together on Sunday's, and usually they brought things to each other's houses but with the case they had just worked, Nancy insisted that JJ not worry about it. Just turn up and enjoy.

So it had been another round of mixing, meeting Nancy and her husband, and a couple of other friends from the street too. And for once she didn't find it hard. For once she just let herself flow, talking easily and listening eagerly. Maybe it was JJ's influence? Something just felt right, something relaxed inside of herself. It was a good feeling.

After laughing at JJ yelling at the TV as the game started, and joining in Nancy's teasing both Jareau sisters that they were traitors to the Steelers, who were currently playing the Redskins, Emily had decided to catch some air. She had stood out on the deck, leaning against one of the posts, beer in hand, just starring across the garden with a smirk that wouldn't budge.

''I've always found it interesting, the things that people do. Why they do it. I guess that's why I wanted to be a profiler. I wanted to work them out. I've learnt extremely quickly on this team, that you can't work people out. Not really. No matter how much you can pin them down, they can always do something to surprise you. Even so, my interest has only turned into more of a fascination since I started. And right from the start, I wondered about you. You seemed out of place, almost. But you're one of the most dedicated people I've seen in this line of work. And I wondered what anchored you down, wondered why out of everything you're capable of doing, you chose to do this. And I think today, I worked it out. It's this. All of this. You come home everyday to one of the most beautiful lives I've ever seen. That's your anchor.''

JJ just listened quietly to Emily's softly spoken words, to the feeling behind it, to the meaning. It made her think back to the looks and the touches before any of this had happened. She had known of course, that Emily was trying to work her out. She knew that look. Emily wasn't the first person to cast it her way. But working where she did, she had learnt how to shield part of herself from curious Agents. She'd had to, she worked with the best damn profilers.

Still, she wanted to keep some of her privacy, some of her mystery. Being profiled just seemed to feel like a little bit of an invasion. However, she didn't mind so much when Emily did it. Plus, she was right. Mostly.

''Yeah, it is my anchor. But it's also something entirely different. It's also torture too.''

She said finally, spoke evenly. At that, obviously grabbing Emily's surprise and interest, the older woman turned in her arms with a confused frown crossing her beautiful face. It made the blonde smile ever so gently, not resisting the urge to reach up and tuck some dark strands aside.

''How'd you mean?''

''All of _this_ that you're talking about? It's what I do what I do for, yes. But part of me still knows that this isn't entirely real. How many crime scenes have you walked into in a place like this? How many victims thought they knew someone, until they betrayed them? How many parents have lost their children, or visa versa? What we do constantly reminds me that it's easier to have this taken away than to have it in the first place.''

It was something that JJ didn't say a lot. She didn't like admitting that, even to herself. But this was Emily, and she felt like she could say anything to Emily. And she knew that deep down, her lover knew it was true. It didn't mean that she didn't believe it existed. Of course it did. There were happy people, happy families. She was one of them, and she was also part of one. She refused to let herself slip into the darkness that would swallow that up about herself. She refused to let it happen to Amelia.

People could be, and were happy. They lead their lives, had friends and families. That's why she did what she did. To try and preserve that. To protect it. She wanted to be part of the force that tried to do something about it. She wanted to show her daughter something genuine and true. Which was that you could do your own part in changing it. Or at least, affecting it.

She wasn't out to change the world. That was impossible. But she was out to change lives. Because everyone changed everyone's lives, and that's how things changed in this world. It was all about people. That's what she wanted to teach her daughter.

''So you stand up and fight for it, even when it breaks your heart to see. I admire that about you.''

Emily mused, understanding the words, and somehow knowing what was running through JJ's mind and understanding that too. For once though, JJ didn't feel vulnerable in being so known. She wanted to be.

''Thank you. I admire the same of you, because you do it too. So do the others. _Anyway_, work can wait until tomorrow.''

Emily smiled as JJ squeezed her gently, before she accepted the light but warm kiss from the blonde.

''Hey, aren't you supposed to be inside _shouting _at the TV and defending your traitorous football team preference?''

Emily asked through the flurry of kisses that flowed, making JJ chuckle before pulling back ever so slightly so that she could cast her glance on her.

''Okay, I am _not _a traitor, and it's half time!''

''Not a traitor? I'm sorry I thought I heard you backing a team _other _than the Steelers. Where you from again?''

The brunette asked all too innocently and sweetly, giving JJ a shit-eating grin as she did, making the blonde scoff and nudge into her.

''Just because I come from Pennsylvania doesn't mean I have to back the Steelers, ya know? It's always been the Redskins… much my Dad's disapproval of course!''

''Oh so you're the family rebel?''

''Oh you bet your ass I'm the family rebel honey!''

Emily couldn't help but laugh at the mischievous expression on JJ's eyes, and the sparkle to match it in her eyes. Somehow she had no trouble imagining JJ being rebellious in her own right, however being an actual rebel, she doubted very much. Individual and headstrong maybe, but not completely rebellious.

Although, she guessed that growing up 'different' in the town she came from couldn't have been the easiest thing in the world. Emily still didn't know a huge amount of information about the place, but she'd remembered JJ saying a few times that she had come from an extremely small town, rural and where everyone knew each other. For someone so private, that must have been hard. And being different wasn't always accepted readily.

Those thoughts were stopped abruptly as JJ kissed her again, and suddenly all her thoughts shut down, in order to concentrate on the things that actually mattered. Like kissing back, enjoying the feeling it caused, enjoying the twitch of muscles underneath her hands as they made their way to exposed skin along JJ's sides and back as the blonde leant up to wrap her arms around her neck. The Redskins shirt rode right on up with her arms, which was good for Emily.

''Oh…god, I'm sorry…I erm…sorry.''

At the sudden interruption, the lovers pulled apart, startled having been lost in their kiss and not hearing anyone step out of the house and onto the deck. Sheepishly, Sam stood by the door, eyes not exactly knowing where to look as he shoved his hands in his pockets and hunched nervously. JJ cleared her throat lightly, looking at Sam before looking back over at Emily, then back over at Sam again.

''It's erm…it's okay, Sam. This is Emily Prentiss, Em this is Sam Farmer.''

Still a little dazed, Emily nodded, quickly picking up on the almost but not quite hidden look of disappointment. So immediately she felt herself stand on guard, pushing off of the post that she had ended up leant up against and inched toward JJ.

''Hi. I'm really sorry, just…Nancy told me to come and get you for starters.''

He explained, looking between them for a moment, then turning and walking back inside. JJ rubbed a hand in her hair for a moment, cringing slightly as she gazed at the floor and let out a sigh. Emily watched the empty space for a beat longer, before side glancing her lover and arching an eyebrow as she flailed toward where Sam had been stood.

''He likes you.''

She pointed out, neither mad or upset. Just as an observation. JJ looked back up, nodding as she did so.

''I know. I told him not to! And so did Nancy!''

She replied, a slight squeak entering into her voice at the end, as though defending herself. As though she really believed it was that easy for someone to do. It made Emily smirk and snicker lightly, flailing a hand at JJ now, in an up and down motion of her body.

''Have you actually checked yourself out in the mirror? It isn't that easy!''

JJ just rolled her eyes and laughed, but Emily did notice the blush that crept across her skin before she got herded back toward the house.

XXX

It was a surprise for Emily, when she stepped out of Nancy's house with a sleeping five year old in her arms, that it was dark. She knew it had been, when she had been inside, but she guessed it hadn't really registered.

The time had seemed to go so quickly, yet when she thought back on the day it seemed like she had been living inside of it for a long, long time. She guessed that's what you got when you were really having fun. JJ seemed to have that affect on her a lot too, seemed to slow time down just a little bit, making her enjoy the full of it, making her appreciate it. And she had.

She had loved everything about today. Loved getting to see yet another, deeper side to her girlfriend in a completely warm and known environment. How she responded to different people, how she responded to conversations and even jokes levelled at her. Like the comments about her football preferences, for which she and Lauren stuck together relentlessly.

Or the slight teasing of Nancy saying that she hated JJ for the figure she had after the Redskins had won and JJ had been doing a little victory dance. The dinner conversation had been about anything and everything, everyone free to join in and speak out. It had been wonderful.

And the kids had exhausted themselves, JJ had whipped out her blackberry to take a picture of Amelia, Joseph and Gracie who had all fallen asleep sprawled over one another.

The little blonde had barely stirred as JJ had untangled her from her friends and picked her up. But as they had gotten to the door, the blonde had remembered that she'd left something in the kitchen, and Emily had automatically offered to take Amelia for her so she was freer to go and get it. JJ hadn't even blinked, just handed her over like it was common place, and Amelia had just as happily swapped human pillows.

''Thanks for taking her.''

''It's not a problem.''

JJ smiled, closing the door properly as they left the house, moving down the path to the street casually, no rush in their step as they did. The air was still warm and still fresh.

''She likes you.''

The blonde observed, a knowing and lop sided smirk covering her lips as she indicated her sleeping child.

''How'd you know?''

''You mean besides the fact she's had you playing with her virtually _all _day? She asked you to cut her turkey up and she's fallen asleep on you. I know it doesn't sound much, but trust me, she's rather particular about those kinds of things. Oh and, she also said that you're pretty.''

''Okay, I get the other things but I'm not sure I get the last one.''

''Yeah, five year old code. If you're pretty, it actually means you're nice!''

Emily chuckled lightly, nodding to indicate she had taken in the peculiar piece of information as they reached JJ's front door. After they got in the couple went straight upstairs, and JJ grabbed some pyjamas out of Amelia's draws and took her back from Emily before sitting on the edge of the bed.

The sleepy girl woke up just enough to be a little bit helpful in changing into her night clothes, and rubbed her eyes as JJ stood up with her again, leaning down slightly to pull back the covers.

''You saying goodnight to Emily?''

Amelia looked around as though it was the first time she realised that Emily was still there. Still rubbing one eye, she nodded slowly and leant forward. From JJ's arms, Amelia gave Emily a quick cuddle before placing a kiss on the side of her cheek gently.

''M'night…''

''Goodnight Amelia.''

She smirked a little at Amelia's mumble, just letting her stomach do a series of back flips as she watched JJ put Amelia down into her bed gently, leaning down to smooth out her hair before leaning in to kiss her goodnight. The tired little girl wrapped her arms around her Mother's neck too, wanting a cuddle from her too before she fell asleep.

''Night Mommy.''

''Night baby, sweet dreams.''

After that, JJ gave her daughter another kiss, then stood up and pulled the cover over her, tucking her in properly. Already it looked like Amelia was drifting off again, not really even noticing her Mother move to the bottom of the bed to switch on one of those projector lights that made starts move across the ceiling. Before JJ and Emily had even left the room, Amelia was fast asleep.

''Thank you.''

JJ frowned lightly, more curiously, as she looked at Emily after pulling Amelia's door almost closed.

''For what?''

Emily shrugged slowly, opening her mouth and closing it a couple of times before shaking her head.

''I have no idea, but I just felt like I should say it. So thank you.''

JJ smiled, shaking her head softly before leaning forward and pulling the brunette into a close hug.

''I think you stole my line. You were…today was…''

''I know.''

JJ pulled back quickly, looking up at Emily again but this time with a serious look pooling in her eyes.

''You can feel this too, right? This isn't just me? Something is definitely happening here, and you can feel it?''

Emily lifted her hand up to brush some of JJ's hair aside, her fingers slipping then to wrap around the back of her neck as her other hand took JJ's and squeezed it softly before nodding. The look of everything she wanted, and everything she felt before and from today showing through deep dark chocolate brown eyes.

''I feel it.''


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Ten**

_A month later_

''You got any kids?''

Even though her voice was weak, cracked with exhaustion and pain, it rang through the small space, echoing slightly off of the walls. Emily blinked, trying to focus as she was posed the question. There had been a long silent gap in talking, and she thought that the woman in her arms, Detective Isabelle Rayne, had fallen asleep.

''Not of my own, no. But my girlfriend does.''

The pool of water they were sat in stirred as Isabelle coughed, sending another waves of echoes around them as her body shook against Emily's. The profiler automatically increased her grip around the other woman, supporting her the best that she could. She herself was slumped with her back against the cold stone, sitting in the cold water that reached her waist.

The Detective was strewn partly over her, given her inability to sit up, and Emily had wrapped her arms around her, hoping to provide maybe a little warmth for them both, or some sort of comfort for the severely injured younger woman.

''Girlfriend huh? What's she like?''

Isabelle wondered after her short coughing fit, something that was becoming more and more regular as she found it harder to breathe the more time went by. She felt weaker than she had ever been in her life. She felt broken. Things were becoming distant. She wasn't a stupid woman, she knew the deal.

''You already met her.''

Emily replied, knowing that the Hispanic Detective would understand her meaning immediately. And she did, from the weak chuckle that reached her ears.

''Ah, I see. That sassy little Agent Jareau. I like her, she's ballsy. I don't think anyone ever has yelled at our Captain and lived!''

Isabelle grinned at the memory of the skinny blonde chick looking madder than hell, hands on hips, glaring murderously at the Captain, who had to be head and shoulders taller than her and built like a shit brick house. But she went ahead and chewed his ass out anyway, and he'd actually looked a little scared too! The whole unit had practically stopped to watch, not even bothering to pretend to do some work, it was just too good an opportunity to pass up seeing.

''Yeah well, that's definitely JJ for you.''

Emily smirked too, also recalling the incident at the station they had been working out of. She certainly hadn't wasted any time in putting the man in his place after she had gone against the teams and her instructions, leading the press to get hold of something they shouldn't have and the set up they had all been putting together to fall through. In all honesty, when Emily had thought about it later, she'd found it rather hot. JJ was breathtaking when she was angry, if not a little frightening.

The silence started to drift again, and the profiler let the thoughts move in and out of her mind. Of the past month, of what they were supposed to be doing now. It was Saturday, and she had had every intention of taking Amelia up to the stables so that she could see Wicket, perhaps get her up on him. He was a steady horse, he knew when he needed to be on his best behaviour, and he'd look after the little girl. Emily knew she couldn't put her on him alone, she was too little. She could ride on him with her though.

There was a pang of loss in her stomach that they weren't doing that right now. And she realised that this is what JJ must have felt, on a more intense level of course, every time that they were called away. She realised that every time JJ had stared out of the jet's windows, or just been lost in thought for long moments sometimes, she was thinking about her daughter and what they could be doing. It wasn't an especially nice feeling at all. Particularly given the current predicament that they found themselves in right now.

It had been just over a month since Emily had been introduced to Amelia on that Sunday, though it seemed like longer. And the more time they spent together, the more comfortable they were both getting with one another. Amelia no longer endeavoured to question her on her intentions with her Mother, and instead seemed to have accepted rather well that she was a factor in their lives that wasn't going away. She was no longer too shy around her. Though, Emily and JJ had still been weary of the sleeping arrangements. JJ had promised Amelia that until she really got to know Emily, she wouldn't be staying over, and Emily completely agreed with that.

That said, it was getting harder for them to separate, say goodbye at the end of the night. JJ had stayed over at her place, of course, when Archer had Amelia or when Lauren told them to go out and let off some steam, and Emily had stayed at the house when Amelia wasn't there. Making sure they had time together as a couple was essential too, they both knew that. But it was still getting harder, JJ had mentioned though, before they had been called out on this case, that she thought it was time to move forward.

''_Amelia, don't go too far honey.''_

''_Sure Mommy…''_

_JJ rolled her eyes and smirked in amusement, shaking her head a little at her daughter's response that simply stated that she had heard her. It didn't mean however, that she was going to pay any attention at all to the instruction. Typical. _

_The park was quiet, though not empty, given that it was the afternoon. The sun still shone down though, keeping the air warm and enjoyable. It had been one of those days, where JJ had had a thousand and one things to do, and precious little time to do it in, especially given that she'd had two meetings that had over run. Oh how special they had been. So when Emily had leaned into her office to declare that she was finished for the day, the blonde had asked her if she wanted to go with her to the park to meet and relieve Amelia's day care sitter. _

_So now they were strolling casually down the path through the park, hand in hand, with Amelia peddling for all she was worth in front of them on her bike. A little pink bike, with blue swirly patterns on it and little stabilizers to keep it upright. She had her hair in pigtails, which Emily always found especially cute, with her cartoon helmet on top of her head. It was rather adorable. _

''_I heard that Strauss gave you a grilling over the press leak last week.''_

_Emily glanced discretely at JJ, who shrugged ever so lightly and nodded as she focused on the path beneath her feet for a moment._

''_Yeah, she did.''_

''_You okay?''_

_JJ looked up, looking at Emily as she nodded. She had that look in her eyes, that determined and strong look that Emily had seen more times that she could remember. Sure, she was a little pissed and also a little wounded that she'd gotten the ass chewing, but that look told her that she could take it._

''_I'm fine, I took a chance, it worked. I expected the ass chewing. I can handle it.''_

_Emily nodded, hearing the confident tone and also knowing that was JJ's way of politely telling her that she wasn't a kid, and she didn't need to be pampered because she had gotten told off. But also, the squeeze of her hand and the smirk that JJ gave her also told her that she knew why she had asked, and that it was okay._

''_Do you want to stay tonight?''_

_JJ blurted out, arching an eyebrow and letting a hopeful tone slip into her voice. Emily looked at her, a little shocked at the sudden spin of conversation, especially given the question. _

''_I…what about Amelia?''_

_They both looked toward the cycling little girl, and JJ pulled Emily to a stop so that they could face one another, but still didn't let go of her hand. _

''_I think it's time. I think we need this and I think she'll be fine with it.''_

_Emily let her tongue roll over her lips slowly as she looked past JJ and into the park for a moment. Of course she wanted to stay over, more than anything. But in true Emily Prentiss style, she had to think about it. In the past few weeks, she had been forging a bond with Amelia, letting her get to know her and letting herself do the same with her. It had been fun. _

_The five year old had started to go to her for things now too, they had spent time painting and making things together among other activities including 'treasure' hunting at the beach. Now when she came over, Amelia would make a bee line for her in order to give her a hug in greeting and almost fall over herself to tell her little stories. Maybe it was time._

''_I'd really like to stay, I think it's time too.''_

_JJ grinned, tipping forward so that she could place a light kiss on Emily's lips, eyes glowing as they started walking again. Emily thought for a moment that they must have looked a little ridiculous, walking along grinning for seemingly no reason, but she didn't care. _

''_Oh, there's another thing too. You don't have to…I mean, don't feel obligated or anything…just…those little things my parents have every month? Well it's supposed to be this weekend, but because next weekend is a three day weekend they switched it. I'm taking Amelia up and if you wanted to come…but you don't have to…it's a lot to…''_

''_JJ! I'd love to come, I'd really like to meet your family.'' _

_JJ blushed a little, feeling her heart pound in her chest as she let herself ramble inanely, suddenly nervous about asking. She had told her parents a couple of weeks ago about Emily, and they had been more than interested in hearing about her. They had also hinted not so subtly that if she so wished to fetch her to their little gathering, it would be more than okay. _

_It hadn't seemed such a big thing before she had asked. But as the words began to pour out of her mouth, she realised that it was. She realised that asking your girlfriend to meet your family was a huge thing, a very, very serious thing. And it hit upon her just how serious this was, how committed this relationship was. It didn't scare her as much as it had in the past with other people, or rather; it hadn't after they had finally gotten started. _

_As the time had gone on though, JJ had found herself more and more comfortable. She thought less and less about her past pain, focusing just on Emily and the future they could have together. A future that she could actually feel. Yet still, meeting the folks, as well as her older brother and sister, was a big deal._

''_You would?''_

_She startled, almost squeaking in surprise or relief, she wasn't really sure which one. Perhaps both. Emily just grinned at her, seemingly both amused and charmed by her shy nervousness, but nodded with a genuine touched and excited look rooted in those penetrating eyes of hers. One that spoke volumes of what it meant to her to actually be invited._

''_I'll be a nervous wreck, but I'd really like to, yeah. I'd really like to see where you came from.''_

_JJ looked at Emily for a moment, about to reply before she sighed as her phone started to ring. Reluctantly, she let go of her lover's hand, reaching into her pocket to pull out her blackberry. She lost hope of it being a friend or family member when she saw the ID on the screen. And within a second, after clearing her throat, she turned back into an FBI Agent instead of a girlfriend and Mother._

''_Agent Jareau. Yes, I received that. Another one? Okay. Yeah, I think so too. No it's fine; I'll take care of the notifications. Thanks Anderson.''_

_JJ sighed again, ceasing in her walking as she ran her hand through her hair, staring over toward Amelia who was amusing herself by cycling in zig-zag motions across the path. After a moment, she looked toward Emily, who already knew what was coming._

''_We have to go back, one of the cases I've received just hit priority.''_

Isabelle coughed harshly again, which was swiftly followed by a groan. The strong Detective lifted up a hand, wiping along her lips before she pulled it back to look at her fingertips. She sighed softly as she saw the blood smeared over them.

''I would've liked to have had kids.''

She mused softly, the realisation only striking upon her in a disappointing way that she wasn't going to get that chance. She was too weak to really let it hit her, which may just have been a blessing. Actually, she found herself eerily calm.

''Hey, you're going to get that chance. They'll find us soon. You just hold on, you hear me?''

Emily replied sternly, trying to kick start the fighting spirit that the other woman had. The one that had been clearly evident upon their first meet. Isabelle had barely needed to open her mouth before Emily saw that. But now, she seemed resigned, deflated.

It was at the Captain's mistake that lead them to eventually being stranded here. In the middle of a deserted, old factory type area that had been neglected and ignored for god knew how long, a few miles out of the populated area of Las Vegas. Everything had happened so fast that Emily barely remembered what the hell had happened. Other than that they had given chase to the unsub they had been searching for, only to end up here. A playground that he knew, evidently. But as both herself, Reid and Gideon had suspected, the killer hadn't been working alone.

With all communication cut off, a bad situation had turned disastrous. Emily found it hard to swallow that they had been over powered, had had no choice but to give up their guns after looking down the barrel of a shotgun each. And after that, especially for Isabelle, it was just a world of hurt. The younger Detective had borne the brunt of their unsub's rage. What she couldn't work out, was why they hadn't been killed outright. Why instead they had been forced down this man sized type well, probably once part of a larger structure. They had put the grate over the top, limiting the view of light.

That had been a few hours ago, but then, the sense of time was starting to get a little warped.

''What's your girlfriend's kid like?''

Isabelle wondered, wanting to change the subject for just a moment.

''Amelia's just like her Mom. She's only five and she's already so astute.''

Emily gripped Isabelle tighter in the bear hug she had on her, leaning her forehead on the back of her head gently as she squeezed her eyes shut, letting a few silent tears roll down her face, but refusing to actually cry. Isabelle would feel it if she cried. She remembered that beating she took, remembered the sounds, guttural and wet, indicating the real damage done on the inside. Not to mention the fall of being pushed down here. She ignored her own pain, though it had been numbed a little by the cold of the water.

''That's good. You should…you should have more. It's what it's all about, right? Love. Family…''

Emily just nodded, biting hard on her bottom lip as her face screwed up in a desperate effort to keep her composure, keep her calm. The tears stung her eyes though. She could hear, _feel _even, the younger Detective slipping away. They had only known each other for two days, but there was something to be said about the intensity of what they had been through, and what they were going through now, that bound people together. Until you actually held someone in your arms as they were dying, it could never be understood.

''You have to…have to tell my family…I love them, so much. Please tell them Emily.''

Emily nodded again, giving Isabelle a squeeze, this time sniffling and not being able to stop the jerk of her body, making the water ripple, as she let out the silent sob that had welled up. This wasn't supposed to be happening.

''I promise you I will. I'm so sorry…I should've been able to do something.''

Isabelle shook her head weakly, blinking slowly now that it was becoming an effort to keep her eyes open.

''There was…nothing you could do. I'll …I'll haunt your ass, if you blame yourself…for this!''

Emily couldn't help the chuckle that escaped her then, a surreal moment in such a devastating time. She wasn't used to being as useless as she had been in a situation like that. She wasn't used to being taken by surprise like they had been taken by surprise. The sons of bitches had been three steps ahead of them all the way, and it had proved fatal for Isabelle Raynes.

The brunette blinked as she felt Isabelle's hand slip into her own, entwining their fingers. Emily held on tightly, not backing away from the intensity it was to hold someone like this, holding onto their hand because they needed to feel something human before they died. She needed to give Isabelle at least that much.

''Can you sing?''

The Detective asked, making Emily frown somewhat in confusion.

''What?''

''Can you sing?''

''Yes, I can sing.''

Isabelle coughed, tasting more blood in her mouth as she did.

''Will you sing to me?''

Emily paused for a moment, feeling the weight of the situation really hit her. She dragged in a breath, pushing her feelings to one side for the time being so that she could grant the dying woman's request. She didn't want to die in silence. Emily could understand that. So after clearing her throat, she took in another breath, recalling a lullaby she had learnt a long time ago. A lullaby she thought she had forgotten, until she had heard the Detective humming it the other day. It seemed to fit for this too, and from nowhere, the lyrics just came back to her.

''Toda la noche, todo el día

Angeles que miran sobre mí, Dios mio

Toda la noche, todo el día

Angeles que miran sobre mí.

Ahora me acuesta para dormir

Angeles que miran sobre mí

Dios mio ora el Dios mi alma para guarder,

Angels que miran sobre mí

Toda la noche, todo el día

Angeles que miran sobre mí, Dios mio

Toda la noche, todo el día

Angeles que miran sobre mí

Sanctifica este mundo precioso que compartimos

Angeles que miran sobre mí

Dios mio tierra y agua

Plantas y aire

Angeles que miran sobre mí

Sanctifica cada casa, y familia

Angeles que miran sobre mí

Dios mio, ayudanos dormir en paz

Angeles que miran sobre mí

Toda la noche, todo el día

Angeles que miran sobre mí , Dios mio

Toda la noche, todo el día,

Angeles que miran sobre mí."

This time, as she sung, low and softly with the crack of emotion running through her voice, Emily didn't stop the tears from rolling down her face. It seemed absurd to have such a peaceful moment, but it was. She sang the refrains of the lullaby gently, and even the stone walls and the water didn't detract from the lilting of her voice.

Isabelle seemed to snuggle into her further, sighing softly, almost comfortably as Emily continued. She held onto her securely, gripping onto her hand, using her arm that was wrapped around her to hold her, wanting her to feel the warmth of another person. But as she kept singing, the grip of Isabelle's hand got weaker, until it went limp, until Emily was the only one left holding on. She sniffled, pushing the sobs waiting to come out back until she had finished the lullaby. As she did, she gripped onto Isabelle tightly, almost burying her face into the side of her head as she let her emotion roll out of her.

''I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…''

XXX

''Prentiss!''

Morgan's voice echoed loudly, ricocheting around the derelict buildings. The teams hardhead moved swiftly over the debris from years of neglect, strapped in his FBI vest and pointing his gun in any direction he endeavoured to move in. As his eyes scanned the area, his ears straining to hear anything, he scowled as the blood pumped through his body. One of their own was down, and he was not leaving here until he found her.

''_Emily_!''

Off to the side of him, JJ moved over the crap left strewn out too, as they moved over the area that was clearly old foundations of a building long gone. She looked around too, also in her vest along with a blue, FBI jacket. Gun drawn with a worried scowl of her own. She also listened as hard as she could, desperately wanting to hear Emily's voice call back to her.

Ever since they had realised that both Emily and Detective Raynes had disappeared, JJ had felt the sickness in the pit of her stomach. The others had assumed that she was worried for a friend, her co-worker; little did they know that it went so much deeper than that. That all that future that she had envisioned was hanging in the balance. She just couldn't lose Emily now, it wasn't an option. Just like Morgan, she wasn't leaving here until she found her lover. Alive.

Behind the two searching Agent's, two men hovered uncertainly. Paramedics, gripping their equipment and waiting until they were needed, letting the Agent's do their part first. The rest of the team had branched off. Reid and Gideon were searching another side to the ignored area, as Hotchner and Detective Fuller, Isabelle's partner, searched another. All three teams with paramedics following them, and the FBI's search and rescue on their way to flood the rest of the area.

Emily, still with Isabelle's in her arms, had fallen asleep at some point, subsiding to the cold and the exhaustion of her experience. But her restless slumber was disturbed by some sort of noise. But her head was a little thick, and it took her a moment to recognise what was going on. She heard the sounds of deep echoes, and it registered as familiar within her. She frowned, lifting her head up from it being rested back on the wall, straining to listen again.

''Emily!''

That voice, she did recognise. That voice she would recognise wherever she was.

''I'm here! Down here.''

Both Morgan and JJ stopped immediately, looking around the empty space before looking at the other, their breaths catching in their chests.

''You hear that?''

Morgan asked, wanting to confirm that he hadn't just been hearing something he wanted to hear. But JJ nodded quickly.

''Yeah, I heard that.''

JJ turned away from Morgan again, looking in the direction she thought Emily's voice had come from.

''Em, keep talking so we can find you okay? We're coming for you.''

Emily sighed with relief, instinctually tugging Isabelle tighter in her arms. She opened her mouth to try and tell Isabelle that they had been found. That everything was going to be fine, and they had come for them just like she had said they would. Her eyes looked at the back of her head, the body lying over her, some covered in the water. And then it hit her. Then the flooding of sadness rushed into her eyes, and no sound came out because she realised, there was no need for it. Isabelle was gone already.

''Sound out Prentiss!''

Emily started, blinking out of her realisation daze, shaking her head a little to try and throw the cobwebs out. She looked up to the grate and its limited view of the outside world. Up there, she was being searched for. Up there, JJ and Morgan were calling to her. JJ was calling to her. Her Jennifer, her lover. The woman that she was falling for. And those memories came flooding back to her, the plans they had, the life they were starting to share together. Isabelle was right. Love, family, that's what it was about.

''I'm in a vent…or well…there's a grate above me, it's round…''

JJ pointed forward, indicating what looked like a heavy, rusty covering. She charged forward along with Morgan, feeling the extra adrenaline push through her body. Quickly, she holstered her gun, leaning down to grab the handle on her side of the grate, as Morgan did the same on his. After a count of three, they hefted the thing off, groaning a little as they did.

''Oh my god, are you okay? Are you hurt?''

Her dismayed eyes widened even further as they set upon Emily, slumped down at the bottom of the large, old vent/well. The relief that swept through her was enough to rattle her breathe, but the worry she had been carrying didn't subside, it just got replaced. JJ could see how pale Emily was, how cold and disorientated. The older woman blinked as she looked up, an almost confused look crossing her features. She looked almost like a lost little girl, searching for answers as to what just the hell she was doing there. Holding onto the slumped over Detective protectively.

''Emily, are you hurt?''

JJ repeated, a little less frantic this time, realising that Emily didn't need that hitting upon her right now. What she needed was clarity, she needed calm. So JJ sank to her knees slowly, and then laid out onto her stomach so that she could peer over the side of the hole. Blue eyes dared to move from her girlfriend long enough to scan the stone walls of the round prison, seeing no steps running down the sides. Just a couple of rusty stumps or old nails indicating that once upon a time there had been a ladder nailed there. It made her cringe at the thought of just how they had been put down there then.

''I…I don't know.''

Emily replied honestly, scowling a little as she dropped her eyes to stare straight ahead, trying to remember if she'd been injured or not. She vaguely remembered hearing a snap or something on the way down this hell hole, but she couldn't really figure out if it had been from her or Isabelle. She was so cold, so numb and probably in shock that she just couldn't tell anymore.

''What about Detective Raynes?''

Emily blinked, hard. Once again, she drew the limp body closer to her own before she took a breath, looking back up toward JJ.

''She's gone.''

JJ stalled for a moment, her heart sinking at the look in those brown depths. At the image of Emily holding onto the other woman, almost like she was nurturing her. Had she been holding her this entire time? Stuck down there with a dead woman?

''JJ, I'm gunna go back to the entrance and bring the rescue squad back here. We'll get her out of there soon, just keep her talking okay? Don't let her start to freak down there.''

Morgan instructed softly, clearly concerned. JJ nodded in understanding, having no intention to let Emily start to freak out down there. If she had been the kind of person to be easily offended, she would have taken some. But she wasn't, and he didn't know about their relationship. But even so, it wasn't like she would let her colleague down like that. But the thought was barely in her head, her focus instead being on the situation before her. Of getting Emily the hell out of there, and back up to safety.

''You better hurry up, she looks like she's in shock.''

Morgan nodded before he started off running again, back in the direction they came and holding the walkie talkie up to his mouth. JJ watched him for a second, before casting a glance over to the paramedics. They still hovered about, not knowing what to do with themselves. JJ didn't really pay any mind to them though, instead she looked back down at Emily.

''Okay sweetheart, it's just you and me right now. The team is coming back with tactical okay? We'll get you out of there soon. You just talk to me right now, okay?''

XXX

The fact that she knew that Hotchner was watching her interaction, closely, with Emily did not bother JJ in the slightest. Not in this particular situation. Not when Emily needed her. Not when she needed to say anything she could to make sure that the brunette stayed calm while everyone else scurried about loudly, mocking up the rig and shouting orders between one another in their endeavour to get the Agent and the late Detective out of the hole.

JJ remained in her position, being the one that became Emily's focus. Talking about anything and nothing, some things not personal, some things very personal. At any length, it didn't leave much room for doubt what they had become to one another. No one needed to jump to any conclusions, just take a tiny step and they'd be there. But who cared, really? No one said anything, all just wanting their colleague and friend to be safe and out of harm's way. Though JJ could feel the burn of Hotch's scowl, she just didn't respond to it.

Not even after Emily had finally reached the topside, shrugging off the paramedics and they swamped her, interested only in being in JJ's arms. Just a simple, but tight and nurturing hug. A loving hug. JJ didn't deny her that. A woman had just died in her girlfriend's arms, she wasn't really thinking about trying to hide their relationship.

It wasn't as though they were being completely unprofessional either. She had done what she always did. What she needed to get the job done. The fact that this time it include her lover and possibly a little more information that she would have cared to divulge was irrelevant in the end. She would have done the same for any of her friends, talked about anything they wanted just to make sure they kept their sanity.

It was her, of course, that had guided Emily back to the awaiting ambulance. Holding onto her as the exhausted profiler walked along slowly and limply, wheezing in pain every now and again. They had been closely followed by the worried paramedics that she still wouldn't let near her.

All Emily was interested in was clinging onto what she loved. Not talking, but still needing that touch. JJ had made her lie on the gurney in the rig, but held her hand the whole way there. Looked her girlfriend right in the eyes the whole way there. It was only as Emily had been taken away at the hospital that the connection was broken.

And that's what had led her to this moment. Standing at the nurses' station, ignoring the buzz of noise and the hustle bustle around her as she filled in the paperwork sitting on the counter top. Still JJ had on her vest and jacket, deciding to keep them on given that she didn't really have anywhere else to put them.

''Prentiss is still being seen to?''

JJ looked up from the mountain of paperwork and nodded lightly, lifting up her hand with the pen still sitting in her fingers to scratch just above her eye as she looked across at Hotchner. He stood there, almost awkwardly, like he was walking on hot coals. That ever persistent scowl etched onto his face as he looked briefly around the moderately busy waiting area before setting his sights back on her. She could see the truth in his eyes right away, and it hung in the air thickly. The elephant was practically sitting on them both.

''Yes Sir, they said she would be finished soon though.''

Hotchner's frown furthered.

''I assumed they would want to keep her for observation.''

JJ nodded and shrugged tensely at the same time.

''They do. She's insisting on going home. So when they've finished with her she'll be signing an AMA form.''

Hotchner nodded, the scowl relenting just a little bit in understanding. It wasn't like he was the biggest fan of hospitals either, and if he were in the same position; he thought he might be signing that same form too. As long as she checked out okay, he wouldn't make an issue out of it. Emily Prentiss was a stubborn woman, he knew arguing with her would do no good.

''What're you doing?''

He pondered lightly, seeing JJ return to filling out the forms before her.

''Insurance paperwork.''

''You know Prentiss' insurance details?''

JJ looked up, realising that it had just rolled out of her mouth like it was normal. That elephant got a little heavier as the two of them just looked at one another for a moment, before she swallowed the small lump in her throat and nodded, almost casually.

''Yeah.''

JJ had known Aaron Hotchner for quite some time. She liked him. She respected him. She thought he was a good leader, a good man. She considered him to be a friend. But she also knew that look he was giving her right now. The one that told her that he wasn't happy about this. The one that told her that when they returned to Quantico, this was going to be dragged out.

So she stood her ground in her eyes, making sure he knew that she was prepared for that. And that it wasn't going to scare her. She wasn't a baby, and when she wanted to be, she could dig her heels into the ground so far that hell nor high water could make her move. That, he had seen firsthand plenty of times. He had even been on the receiving end of that, along with her ass kicking's and pissed off rants.

For now though, it would wait. And for now, that moment was broken.

''Agent Prentiss, please rethink your decision.''

Both JJ and Hotchner looked up to see a harassed Doctor, hot on the heels of Emily who was clearly ignoring everything the little man said. She still looked a little pale, pained and moved gingerly, but she had that look in her eyes.

''Can you get me out of here please?''

She asked pointedly, firstly looking at JJ and then over at Hotchner. The Doctor behind her sighed, resigned to the fact that she wasn't going to comply. Emily all over really. If she could pick herself up and dust herself off, she wouldn't stay here. And that was that. So the man in the white coat walked to the desk, reaching over to pull out a form and a clipboard.

''You need to sign this.''

He sighed, handing the board over to his patient. She took it without a word, singing it quickly and thrust it back at him. After that, she looked up between her two fellow Agents again, eyebrow raised with a determined and demanding look pooling in her eyes. JJ nodded, looking through the paperwork before she handed the pen to Emily, indicating her to sign at the bottom.

She went about that quickly too, and JJ gave the nurse at the desk the papers before following the brunette and her boss out of the hospital. She knew that Emily had clammed up, shut down. Knew that she was reeling from her experience. Which was why she wasn't pressing her right now. About that, or about refusing to stay in hospital for just one night. Because she knew she'd talk to her about it when she needed to.

XXX

''Prentiss, a word in my office?''

Emily looked up at hearing her name, and frowned slightly at the stern tone in Hotchner's voice as he stood just outside of his door. She nodded once, watching him go back inside without a word. They had been back for a little over a half hour, and to be honest all she wanted to do right now was go home.

Everything about the day had just been hard. Getting to the station after leaving the hospital had been hard too. Seeing Isabelle Rayne's family there. Telling them what she had promised to tell them. Isabelle's Mother, who looked just like her, had cried in her arms. Thanked her for being there with her daughter. As if it made it any better.

It seemed like a blur to her, the plane ride home. Everyone had just wanted to get back, de-brief and go home. Hardly anyone had said anything. About the case. About Isabelle. Or about the obvious status of her and JJ's relationship. There had been plenty of silent looks though. Sitting on that plane had been hard too.

Now, five minutes after they had finished their de-briefing and half an hour before they could actually leave, Emily stood from her seat at Hotchner's command, completely aware that Reid and Morgan were watching her carefully. Again, she declined to make comment, just making her way up the stairs and then stepping into Hotchner's office. They all knew what this was going to be about.

''Shut the door.''

Emily shut the door silently, automatically moving to stand in front of the large, organised desk that her superior sat behind. She was actually surprised that he hadn't waited until JJ got back from the meeting in the pressroom she had gotten called to to do this. Emily almost wished that he had. But she didn't need JJ to help her take whatever Hotchner was about to dish out. It wouldn't change the fact that she would refuse to end their relationship.

''This can't happen.''

Hotchner stated clearly, raising both eyebrows as he stared directly into her eyes. Direct, stern and solemn, just like she thought he would be. The only movement he received from her was a small shrug.

''It is happening. It's been happening for three months. At least.''

She replied evenly, not letting any emotion either way slip into her voice. She wanted him to see how calm she was. How dead set she was.

''I can't have the both of you endangering the team. It's against regulations. I will overlook it this once, but it stops now or I'll have no choice but to report you and take action.''

He threatened just as evenly, just as calmly. Voice deep and sincere. Like Emily didn't already know he was sincere in his threat. He was Mr FBI of course. Or, at least, he was when it didn't come to his little pets. She certainly hadn't reached that status. She was the intruder still. He had come to trust her work, but she knew for a fact that he still hadn't come to truly trust her. Still weary of how and why she was transferred here to mysteriously. Plus, she knew how much he respected JJ. And like she had mused when this first began, she had come to this unit and gone after the heart of it.

''Then report me.''

''What?''

''You heard me. You do whatever it is you need to do. And so will I.''

''I'm not joking here Prentiss. This is it. You decide now. You wanted this assignment. So choose.''

The two just looked at one another for a second as the air tensed even further. Both adopting the same steely resolve in their eyes, just as stubborn as the other. Neither one willing to back down. Until Emily moved slightly. Not in her stance, and never taking her eyes away from the man seated before her. She made sure, actually, that she never let her eyes drop as she removed her gun, placing it onto the desk before pulling out her credentials and tossing them next to the sidearm.

''I'm not you.''

She stated, still just as calm. After that, she just turned around and walked out. With no urge in her step, just as composed and strong as usual. She closed his office door on the way out, and she didn't turn back as she moved back to her desk. Emily didn't need to look around to see that he was watching her. She didn't have to look at Reid and Morgan as she picked up her coat, but she didn't anyway. Taking to heart the silent dismay and confusion that they held in their eyes, knowing that they didn't know what to do about the situation. At least they seemed to have a little respect there for her. Maybe now they would realise that she didn't feign loyalty. Ever.

Nothing was said as she walked out, leaving the ringing of phones and the dim of voices behind her. She wasn't Aaron Hotchner. She couldn't sacrifice her heart like he was doing with his family. She loved being a profiler. It was who she was, and she knew part of her would spark out at giving this up. But it wasn't the largest part of her. The larger part of her was unwilling to sacrifice what was actually more important. What she needed desperately, what she wanted desperately. And that was her life. And that was exactly what Isabelle had told her it was. Love and family.


	12. Chapter 12

_A/N - Just to say, if I haven't had chance to respond to the people following this and leaving me comments personally already, thank you. I have been taking your comments in, and I really really appreciate them. _

**Chapter Eleven**

As JJ carried the files in her arms down the hall, one hand underneath the stack and the other searching through them slowly, JJ grunted at one of the Agent's that was about to pass her by to get his attention. With a pen stuck in her mouth, it wasn't as though she could actually talk.

She slowed to a stop, pulling out two of the files, frowning at them as she made sure they were the right ones and handed them to the amused, suited man. He took them and nodded, before going off on his business again, leaving JJ to sigh as she continued down the emptying halls of her floor.

It had definitely been a trying day. A day that was just dragging its ass along to sand to make it go that extra bit longer. But, she tried to keep up her professional mask, determined to just roll with the sudden influx of work so the sooner she finished it the sooner she was out of here. Her body screamed for relaxation, her head screamed for her to go home and kiss her daughter and make sure that Emily was okay. To wrap her up close and not let go.

Soon. She'd get there soon. Just as long as it took her to slip her jacket on and grab her ready bag and drive home. There was a clear blanket of darkness outside now, or there was when she got to glimpse out of a window anyway, given that her little office didn't actually have one. Either way, it was dark.

The halls around her were dim now, indicating the hour, only lamps left on to illuminate for the stranglers or late workers. She knew there was barely anyone left, even Emily had probably given in and headed home without her. JJ didn't mind, understood that her lover probably wanted to have some space for just a little while. To shower, decompress. To start digesting.

Letting out a small sigh again, barely being able to think about what could have happened earlier, JJ picked up her suit jacket and slipped it on tiredly. As she moved a hand back to pull her long hair out of the back, blue eyes flicked up at a movement in her doorway.

''Hotch. I thought I was the last one here.''

She mused, voice holding no amount of surprise to see her boss was still milling around the office. For a long time, JJ and he had joked about their 'competition' to best each other on who was here first or who left last. Right now though, he looked even grimmer than normal. There was something different about his stance, the way he held his shoulders. Even his eyes, those startlingly intelligent ones, held something within them that wasn't just quite normal for him to show.

Slowly, the taller man stepped into the office, moving forward to place a gun and a credentials wallet on the top. He sighed softly, before he looked up again, still choosing to remain silent as he watched JJ's almost innocent like look of wonder. So curious and yet so braced for impact too.

''I don't understand. Who's are those?''

The Agent asked softly, eyes roaming over the hardware and finding it oddly familiar. Was that ridiculous? To find an FBI issue weapon familiar? She had one attached to her own side; it wasn't though it was going to be terribly unfamiliar. But, even though it was pretty much standard issue, there were a few distinguishing features. They all had them. Just tiny little differences for personal preference. And inside her gut, she knew exactly who that gun belonged to.

''Emily walked out of the BAU today. After I told her she needed to choose between her job, and you.''

Immediately JJ's eyes shot back up to the man she termed as a friend, a dangerous and hurt look whiplashing in her eyes.

''Excuse me?''

''This shouldn't be happening, JJ. And as your unit chief, I'm supposed to make sure that it doesn't. The thing is…the thing is I can't bring myself to do that. Let me be clear, you do not bring your personal life into this office, into these cases. We will be having another discussion if you do. But it struck me after she walked out today, that I have no right to force you to stop whatever it is that you have. I have no right to take away your happiness. So we're going to pretend that you aren't breaking a handful of regulations, and stick together like the team we are. You can go home and give those back to her. I expect to see you both, as usual, Monday morning.''

The truth was, Hotchner had no desire, like he said, to take away what apparently was making two of his best Agent's happy. Even though he still didn't know Emily all that well yet, he knew JJ. And Emily was turning out to be a pretty remarkable profiler, now he had started to give her a real opportunity to be. She was blending in more and more everyday. Earning respect, earning trust. Evidently, earning a lot more than that from JJ. And he thought that if the woman stood before him liked her so much, she must have been rather special.

The true tip to him though, had been that despite the fact that Emily had tried to get into this unit for god knows how long, she was willing to sacrifice it. Willing to let something in her die, which he knew would cause a great deal of pain, for JJ. She was willing to give up herself, because to want to be a profiler, and to actually have that innate ability, it was part of you. It was like the air you breathed. Her words had echoed in his head at least once a minute since she had left. _I'm not you._

Emily certainly wasn't him. As much as he loved his wife, as much as he was loyal and would do anything for her, he couldn't do that. So he guessed that made her the bigger person. The braver one. How could he reprimand her for that?

''Oh, and JJ?''

JJ blinked, looking up again after gazing down at the gun and wallet once again, still stunned and trying to absorb what she had just heard. She wondered how Hotchner had made it all the way to her door again, apparently on his way out.

''Anyone that is willing to give up their dreams to be with you, they're worth holding onto. It's a pretty unique and special thing to do. Far and few between these days unfortunately. Keep that in mind.''

Gulping, still in her silent shock, JJ just nodded, some essence of Hotchner's words gravitating within her and settling deep. As she barely noticed that he left her office completely, JJ found the very ends of her fingertips tracing over the soft leather of the wallet, gliding onto the cool steal of Emily's gun. Pangs, all sorts of pangs ran through her, tingling and glittering like she had never truly experienced before. Not like this.

It began to hit home what had happened. What Emily had done for her. And it was for her. For them. Something that was beyond huge. The sheer meaning of it had slammed into her chest like she had been rammed with a truck, and strangely it wasn't a bad feeling. Just, no one had ever done that for her before. Or anything remotely like it.

Her high school boyfriend, Billy, had been an arrogant ass, expected her to follow his every word and be the good little girlfriend. Her following girlfriend, secret girlfriend, Holly, had been suffocating. Both of them had told her not to aspire so high, because she would never reach anywhere.

There had been a litany of girls through college, and one guy freshmen year. All either unimportant or just in the end, not right. Until the controlling disaster that her girlfriend Parker had been. Only to put her through the ringer, to split up, and start again in the Academy before going through a second messy breakup. Just like she had told Emily.

Archer was kind, he loved her, in a different way she loved him. But he had failed her. Sank back in his duties and his role, run scared, become dependant on her. So really, he offered her limited to no support. Renee had betrayed her. Elle had run.

There had been some good people in her life, some good times. JJ knew that. She had some special places for some special people that she would always look affectionately upon. But this? This was something else. It was so much something else that it was almost alien. Completely out of the stratosphere. Emily had basically handed over her life, every ambition and desire she had had. Like Hotch said, she'd given up her dream on the demand to choose. That wasn't an everyday thing. People didn't just do that.

Emily had. Emily who was loyal. Emily who was brave. Emily who was in this, no matter what. Emily that had just well and truly handed her her heart. Emily who she had fallen so hard and completely for.

Picking up her girlfriend's hardware, JJ put them safely into her satchel, switching off her lamp before heading out of her office. Quickly, she locked up and headed down the hall, only half registering that Hotchner's office light was still on, evidently he hadn't retired to go home yet. Unlike herself. She checked her watch as she slide sideways into the elevator before the doors closed, smirking at three suited Agent's that she had dealings with every now and then. She was practically glowing, and she knew it. But what did she care? She was in love.

XXX

It had not been an easy ride home. The traffic was backed up solid. The drivers were antsy, beeping horns and yelling out of windows. Even a few had gotten out of their vehicles. Either spitting feathers, or just to simply stretch their legs. JJ did neither.

JJ sat behind the wheel of her SUV, consumed in thought. Consumed in feeling. At first she had rolled the window down, but due to the excessive noise, that had just annoyed her. The blonde Agent had ended up letting it roll back up, as she had reached over and turned the radio on louder. The chaos from outside was not what she wanted to concentrate on. If she did, she would have ended up being as mad as they were. And she wanted to keep her cool.

Eventually, the gridlock had started to ease. Although, not at all quickly enough to her satisfaction. Still, it was something. Getting through the middle of town could be an arduous task. Especially when she hit the different times of rush hour. Now, evidently, being one of them. So much for seeing her daughter tonight.

The best she would get would be to check in on her, give her a kiss as she slept, hope that somewhere in there, Amelia would know that she was home. That it was her putting a strewn arm or leg back under the cover, straightening it out so she stayed warm. Hoped she knew it was her that would brush through her hair gently for a few moments, stroke her cheek and just watch her sleep peacefully.

Then it became a task of finding out where Emily was. Because she had already called her cell, a couple of times. And her home. Of course she had. She had quit. Actually quit. Walked out, left her hardware, made her choice. Out of loyalty to her. Something which was still trying to settle properly in her brain. Emily had given up on everything she had ever wanted, for her. And that one single thought had just managed to blow her mind open.

So, given that she desperately wanted to know where her girlfriend was, and talk to her about what happened, it was of great relief that as she pulled into her driveway she spotted the brunette's Audi parked outside of the house. Sitting there like it belonged, glimmering ever so slightly in the moonlight. The proud vehicle made JJ sigh softly, the small tugs of a smile covering her lips. Emily was here. Safe and sound and here. Home.

JJ made her way inside, using the back door into the kitchen where only the oven light was on to cast the softest of glows. She thought maybe she would find Lauren and Emily in here. Maybe having a coffee, or a beer or wine. Snickering over stories she still had to kill Lauren for telling Emily. JJ knew it had been a bad idea to let them meet.

Setting her keys down onto the counter, along with her satchel, JJ picked up a little sticky note that was left on the top for her, in the familiar curling handwriting of her sister. Telling her that she had jumped at the opportunity to be relieved off duty and head out with Warren, and that she would be home at some point tomorrow. JJ frowned slightly, placing the note back down before moving around the island and across the kitchen to the door. As she did, she heard the low sounds of the TV from the living room.

The house was dark, but the hall had one of the side lights on, and as she turned into the living room she saw that the lamp in the corner was casting a glow as well as the light from the flickering TV. But it wasn't the lights that caught her attention. The sight that caught her attention was the sight that made her heart swell. That made her clamp her mouth together and her eyes glow. Pretty much one of the most beautiful sights she had ever seen.

Stretched out on the couch was Emily, sound asleep, clad in the black and white cheque sleeping pants of hers along with a white vest, hair tied up messily. She was sprawled out along the back of the couch, head propped up on one of the cushions, leaving more than ample room for the body lying next to her, also sleeping soundly, wrapped in her arms.

Amelia looked just as peaceful as Emily did, fast asleep, happily tucked into Emily. One of her little hands enveloped by Emily's. The little _Finding Nemo_ pyjama clad girl hand wrapped her fingers around some of Emily's too, holding on even in sleep. Both of them just looked so comfortable. So painfully sweet laid like that.

JJ bit her lip gently, not being able to help the emotion flood through her, or the damp in her eyes. This was so right. Coming home to this was something she had wanted since she could remember. It's why she had been hesitant to try and gain it with Emily in the first place. Her past had been a parade of total disasters. So she had tried to tuck this image, this want, away.

Until Emily showed up, and had just been…Emily. Somewhere inside, JJ thought maybe she had always known this was what Emily was going to offer. That this is what it could and would turn out like. That she could make a right and good choice. The hesitancy had come from the fear of never having it before, and gaining it then loosing it. But she didn't think that was going to happen.

Not being able to help herself, JJ pulled out her blackberry, taking the opportunity to document the wonderful moment. Momentous moment, really. This right here, this was the last building block to fall into shape. Her daughter was perfectly comfortable with Emily, otherwise this would never be happening. And Emily was perfectly comfortable with Amelia. It felt different than last time. Last time, with Renee, she had seen what she had wanted to see. But this was the real thing.

Stepping over to the couch, the touched and emotional blonde leant over her sleeping child, placing a delicate kiss onto Emily's temple and smiling lightly through it.

''Hmm…you're home.''

The mumble was barely audible, muffled through the side of the cushion and sleep. It only made her smile further as she crouched down, keeping one hand on Emily to twiddle her hair between her fingers, and one to be placed on top of Amelia's head, to do the same thing. Emily didn't move much, but JJ smirked at the clear cut concentration she saw as the woman she loved focused on trying to open her eyes.

''Yeah, I'm home. I'm going to take Amelia to bed, okay?''

''M'kay…''

A tiny yawn escaped from Emily, and she barely moved enough to give a hint of a nod as she took in a deep breathe. JJ stood up again, then reached down and lifted her sleeping daughter up into her arms carefully and gently. Without waking up, Amelia just latched onto her, drooping over her shoulder a little as she looped her arms around her neck, head resting on her shoulder as she kept on sleeping.

JJ did everything she had thought of doing on the way home. Placing Amelia down onto the bed gently, she had smiled to herself as she had straightened her limbs out, making sure she was comfortable. Had put her favourite fluffy teddy bear in her arms to hug before placing the cover over her, tucking her in after she did.

And then she just sat there for a few minutes, letting the time sail by as she just watched. The rise and fall of her daughter's chest was so steady, so peaceful. Her hair was so soft as she brushed through it slowly, before finally, she leant over and kissed Amelia goodnight, feeling every ounce of love she had for her precious little girl.

A Mother had lost her daughter today. A daughter that her girlfriend had held onto, just like she had been holding onto hers.

Getting downstairs, trying to brush some of the cobwebs from her mind, JJ went back into the living room, only to find it empty. Curiously, she wondered into the kitchen, again finding that empty too. She picked up her satchel from the island, figuring that Emily had gone upstairs and she just hadn't heard her. So, once again she made her way up, this time turning down to her door rather than Amelia's.

She had been right. Emily was sat on the edge of the bed at the bottom, looking down at the floor thoughtfully. JJ looked around the room briefly, seeing that her girlfriend had lit a few of the candles she kept in here, as well as put her stereo on low, and the faint but familiar sounds of _Portishead _lulled out of the speakers. Still, Emily remained quiet, looking down as she had been before, so many thoughts moving across beautiful brown eyes.

''Em?''

Blinking slowly, Emily began to look up, shaking her head ever so softly to try and clear her head. She looked almost surprised to find JJ standing there, like she hadn't even noticed her entry. She hadn't. She had been far too deep inside her head to notice anything. But now she had been brought back to reality, she fixed her gaze on JJ. Watched how the light from the candles danced across her skin, making already honeycomb skin look like it was glowing.

As if there had been much doubt before, Emily knew right then that she had made the right decision today. A painful one, yes. But indeed the right one. The adrenaline had hit her when she had walked out of that office, leaving everything she had worked so hard for behind. But today had taught her a bigger lesson, and she had paid attention.

''Come over here.''

Upon Emily's request, JJ closed the bedroom door and moved over the room, crouching down in front of her girlfriend in order to be able to see her properly. As she did, Emily put her hands on each side of her head, brushing through her hair softly.

''You're shaking.''

Emily just nodded lightly at JJ's observation, feeling the lump of everything that had happened today clog inside of her chest, her throat, bringing unshed tears to her eyes. She licked her lips slowly, trying to push some of it back so that she could regain her ability to speak, if only just to say what it was she needed to say.

''I need you to hear something. I know it might be too early, but I need to say it. I love you. I mean, I'm just so in love with you and I think I've been falling since the first day I met you. I want everything. I want you; you're mind, body and your soul. I want Amelia, and more after. The whole nine yards, with the pets and the after school activities and hell even the PTA meetings. I want everything with you. I love you.''

Although her eyes were rounded slightly in the quiet but alarmed concern she had with voicing this at such an early stage, the sincerity of it was crystal clear in Emily's eyes. She let her walls drop in an effort to support her words, also visible through the depth of her eyes. So very deep. Carrying many, many weights that JJ still had to learn.

Still, she didn't care about showing her that they were there, if it meant that the honesty of her feelings showed through. To hell with everything else. Maybe this was just a reaction. Just her reacting after a day like today. But so what? It didn't mean that it wasn't real. It didn't mean the feelings weren't there before. Because they had been. Only after today had she decided to give them a voice. Needed to give them a voice, and take her chances on whether she spooked JJ or not.

It was as she blinked, forcing the previously unshed tears to shed, that she became aware of the look in the opposite blue eyes. Not spooked, but overwhelmed. Not in the bad sense, the good sense. The sense that made them sparkle, glitter with her own unshed tears, reflecting back every single feeling and thought Emily knew she was casting herself.

''It's not too early, I love you too…''

JJ whispered, voice hoarse from nothing but the emotion. She lifted a hand, placing it softly on Emily's cheek, thumb stroking the soft skin there.

''But baby, I don't want you to make that kind of sacrifice you made today just to prove that you love me, okay? I already know that.''

JJ smiled into the words, letting Emily know just how much she appreciated it. Let her eyes show just how much in awe she was of it, how much it meant to her. But those were her dreams. And Emily didn't need to prove anything to her.

''I do if I'm asked to choose, Jennifer. Which I was. And I did. I would do it again.''

JJ bit her lip softly, sniffling as she nodded in understanding as Emily put her hand over her own. She kneeled up properly, putting her other hand on the other side of Emily's head so she could make her bow it a little, as she leaned up and placed a long and tender kiss on her forehead.

''I know you would. So would I. Just…try not to, okay?! Hotch gave me your hardware back. Apparently you're getting your cake and eating it too!''

Emily let out a soft, yet absurd chuckle, closing her eyes for a moment in relief. Whatever it was that had made Hotchner change his mind, she was thankful for. But she wouldn't ask, she didn't want to push it after all. She speculated it had something to do with her parting comment. About not being like him. She wasn't, and evidently it had bought her some leniency, but she also knew it was possibly her only get out of jail free card until she came across another.

''We both are.''

''Yeah. Emily, I do love you. I want all the same things as you too. But I don't want you to give up something so important on my behalf, we can always think of something before it comes to that. But thank you, that may have been the single most amazing thing anyone has ever done for me.''

Emily nodded in understanding, seeing the look in JJ's eyes. The same look she would probably have had if the situation had been reversed. Never in a million years did she think that she was going to find someone she would be willing to give up so much for, but she was glad that she had. That she had somewhere to go, someone to come home to.

As she had slipped behind the wheel of her car, Emily had never really thought about where she was going. She just went. Ending up outside of JJ's house, like it was exactly where she was supposed to be. Where she got to spend a little time with Lauren, making general chitchat and then even more time with Amelia. It had just been so right.

Somewhere in her thoughts, Emily had leaned down a little, closing the distance between herself and JJ who was still crouching up, and coaxed her into a languid yet meaningful kiss. Just simple, single type kisses, giving them chance to breathe and feel. It remained so for a few minutes, until one of them deepened it, making mouths open further for tongues to slip in and explore.

It was then when the momentum picked up a little bit. When instead of it being languid, it became exploratory and deep, full of intention. Full of all the emotion they had experienced today, full of the meaning they had just shared, and full of the underlying craving they had for each other. That unyielding desire and covet.

In an almost dream like state, the lovers, fuelled by each other, had stood, not breaking their now devouring kiss. Something that had pushed them past the point of no return. Which now had a life of its own, a consuming momentum that spurred them to shed one another of their clothes. JJ's jacket had been first to go, landing on the floor which had been followed shortly by her shirt.

Emily had unclasped her gun, managing to put it on the nightstand, remembering in the back of her mind that it needed to be somewhere safe. After that, all bets had ended. It became an almost frantic race to strip the remaining clothes off; needing to feel each other's skin as their own was swept with fire.

It was perhaps two hours later, bodies spent and glimmering with the exertion of sex that JJ hovered over her lover, breathes coming in ragged lumps as the thrill of pleasure once again ran through her body, causing her to see fireworks behind her eyes. She could feel Emily everywhere, all over her, inside her, in more than one respect.

And she didn't need to check to know that Emily was going through the same thing, had felt it happen. Had felt the older woman give way beneath her, had the evidence on her hand to prove it, and had heard it too. Now, as they panted as everything had stilled as the heights rolled over them both, JJ let her head flop forward onto her lovers shoulder.

''I love you. God I love you so much.''

Not trusting her voice to go anything stronger than an overcome whisper, JJ kept it to a hush but made sure Emily heard her before placing a soft kiss on the skin before her. She kept her eyes closed as she felt the brunette nuzzle into her before feeling Emily move to wrap her arms around her tightly. It was only a moment later that she felt Emily's body shake beneath her, as she too moved to hold onto her.

All along she had been expecting this. All along she had been waiting for the moment where Emily would finally let go of the sorrow that she had been trying to bottle up inside. That moment was now. After everything that happened today, JJ knew her girlfriend had needed more release than one. A release that had come in three stages. Needing to get out what she felt, needing to physically express it, which left her with the emotional outlet.

''I'm so sorry…I couldn't help her…''

JJ kept holding on, letting Emily cry out what she needed to, giving her something to ground her. Giving her something to hold on to. Letting her know that she wasn't about to go anywhere, that it was okay to let it all come out. And it did. In strong waves at first, but after a while sobbing turned to crying, crying turned to sniffling, and sniffling turned into exhaustion. When JJ was sure that Emily had finally cried herself to sleep, she placed a soft kiss on her forehead, and retracted herself from limbs and sheets.

As the blonde crept over to pull on a t-shirt and shorts, she kept looking over her fitfully sleeping lover, making sure that she didn't do anything to make her stir. Quickly, she unlocked a draw by the nightstand, reaching inside to pull out a large and sturdy key code operated lock box. Pressing into the buttons by heart, JJ opened it and reached for her gun, putting it inside and then retrieving Emily's and also putting it inside. She closed it securely, placed it back into the nightstand before shutting and locking the door. After all, morning would roll around quickly and she knew that it was possible that Amelia woke up before they did after a night like this.

''It was my fault.''

JJ looked up, almost surprised to see that Emily was watching her, but somehow couldn't be fully surprised. She hadn't been sleeping all that restfully in the first place, and JJ doubted if Emily was willing to let herself sleep properly right now.

Taking in a slow breath, JJ stood up as she watched Emily move, standing up to retrieve her clothes from the floor, yanking them on quickly. Her heart sank to see the crack running through dull eyes, and she knew that Emily was in danger of blaming herself without the possibility of ever being able to let it go. She didn't want that for her. She didn't want her to take on that burden.

''Hey, I want you to listen to me now, okay? What happened was _not _your fault. Do you understand me? It was an unbelievably shitty situation, in an unbelievably shitty case that went from bad to worse. I won't let you take the blame for that, you don't deserve that.''

JJ had practically forced Emily to stand in front of her, taking her face between her hands as to make her look at her properly. Her voice dropped with seriousness, eyes weighted by the truth of the situation. It had been one of those cases, and they had all felt the looming feeling that something was going to happen. And unfortunately it had. But JJ wasn't willing to let Emily take that on for herself. Kept looking at her intently, not letting her girlfriend look away.

''You did what you could, Emily.''

''What I could? I held her as she died, I couldn't _do_ anything.''

''You don't think that was something? Having the courage to make sure someone doesn't die alone, to hold on to them, to give them something human, something warm, that's _something_. And don't tell me it's not because I know it is. Not everyone could hold onto someone like that. It takes an inordinate amount of strength Emily. You gave her that.''

Emily looked at JJ, at the power behind her eyes, heard it in her voice. It made her breath catch in her throat for a moment, adding to the burn she felt in her lungs. There was something in her, smothered by the immediate emotion around what had happened, that knew the blonde was right. Even Isabelle had told her. It didn't make her feel much better about anything now, would always harbour regret and sorrow around it, but they were different than blame, right? Maybe, just maybe it wasn't her fault. Just maybe if she trusted JJ about this, if she held onto her, then in the morning it would feel just a little bit better.

Somewhat overcome, Emily just nodded numbly, letting herself be pulled in for a tight hug. She took in a shaky breath, in doing so smelling the scent of JJ's hair, the scent of her skin and everything that was them together. It comforted her. Reminded her that she wasn't alone anymore. She had a rock to hold onto. Maybe things would be different in the morning. Or maybe they wouldn't, but eventually they would be. At least in the meantime, she had Jennifer.

As JJ lead her back to the bed, Emily felt the exhaustion running through her. A different feeling of exhaustion than she had felt just a little earlier. It was a warmer feeling, perhaps spurred by JJ's words, by the knowledge that she was right there to support her. And she let herself be guided back into the bed, where JJ laid down first and then pulled her close, letting her rest her head on her shoulder. Letting her put her arm around her, holding on tightly. And Emily was relieved that JJ wrapped her arms around her, placing soft kisses on the top of her head as she stroked through her hair.

''I sang to her.''

''What?''

''Isabelle, she asked me to sing to her. That's the last thing she heard.''

JJ squeezed Emily a little tighter.

''What did you sing?

''A lullaby I learnt when I was young, a Spanish one.''

''Will you sing it for me?''

Emily sniffled, content in watching the rise and fall of JJ's chest. Momentarily she was scared to, but as she placed her hand over JJ's chest, she could feel how strong her heart was beating. She could hear it, even. Steady and strong. She wasn't going anywhere.

''In Spanish or English?''

''I don't mind.''

Listening to JJ's heartbeat, Emily took in a small breath as her eyes continued to fixate on that steady rise and fall.

''All night, all day

Angels watchin' over me, my lord,

All night, all day,

Angels watchin' over me.

Now I lay me down to sleep,

Angels watchin' over me,

My lord pray the lord my soul to keep,

Angels watchin' over me

All night, all day

Angels watchin' over me, my lord,

All night, all day,

Angels watchin' over me.

Bless this precious earth we share,

Angel's watchin' over me,

My lord land and water,

Plants and air,

Angels watchin' over me

Bless each home, and family

Angels watchin' over me,

My lord help us all sleep peacefully

Angels watchin' over me.

All night, all day

Angels watchin' over me, my lord,

All night, all day,

Angels watchin' over me.''


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Twelve **

Three weeks later

JJ had always been a runner. If it hadn't been for her skills in soccer, she would have gone into track. Then again, there had always been many sports that she had taken to quickly. Basketball was one of them. She liked playing ball, but she didn't get much opportunity to play anymore. Now and then maybe, either with friends, or at the local sports centre. Sometimes she even went a few rounds with Morgan and a few other Agents'. Basketball was a good way to vent. A little more aggressive to soccer, that was for sure.

JJ could hit a baseball to kingdom come, giving her enough time to run the bases and hit home and over again. She could climb, she could swim and she could ride, and she could do it all with a clear head and a steely focus. Even when the entire town had been watching her every move, scrutinizing it, she had managed to learn how to tune them out. To focus on the game. On the prize. The pressure had been overwhelming, but she had coped.

As a youngster, she had always been active. Never sat still, always been on the move. She had gotten into sports early, eagerly wanting the opportunity to use her energy and channel it into something worthwhile. That, and what else was there to do in her pokey little farming town? It wasn't as though there was a huge amount going on, the place didn't even have a bowling alley. Probably one of the reasons she was such a crack shot at darts, that and the desire to beat Alex and her Father at it. She had whooped her brother's ass eventually, but her Father was still someone she had never won against. But JJ liked it like that.

As a teenager, she had started to leave the farm to go running. Before that, she had eased her way up to running the extent of her parents' grounds, until they no longer held any satisfaction for her. So she had taken to the surrounding countryside. She had used the time to think, about everything. Had used it to push herself, working her growing body into habit. Making it accustomed to activity, making it accustomed to being challenged. Many a time she had returned home with burning muscles and damaged feet, but she had always gone right back out there and pushed through the discomfort. Her Mother had been none too happy about her obsession. Needless to say, when Lauren had started to pick up the bug also, she had been extremely worried.

As an adult, JJ participated in as much physical exercise as she could. She was part of the soccer team of the general homicide division, when work allowed of course. The teams were made up from the different general divisions, aimed to be a little bit of fun and a pressure release from the crimes they all investigated. Of course, now and then, it got a little competitive. This _was _the FBI after all.

She ran as much as she could, sometimes she went along with Lauren. More recently, she would sometimes accompany Emily. More often than not, she would run alone. Either first thing in a morning, or in the early to mid evening, when Amelia was ready for bed or in bed. Quite a lot of the time, JJ would make use of the fact that she worked at Quantico and use the training grounds.

Usually she would listen to music, songs that propelled her with the beat, or just gave her fuel to keep going, or gave her company as she pushed herself harder. Today however, right now, she listened to no music. Only the sound of her feet hitting the ground, the sounds of air in trees and the sound of her own breathing. Everything else became blocked out.

JJ had had this feeling plenty of times before. A feeling that wedged itself into the bottom of her gut so she couldn't get at it, couldn't remove it. It was instinct. The looming kind of instinct. And it had been there ever since this morning when she had gotten a text from Archer asking if he could drop by after she finished work. Archer hardly ever just dropped by. Only when he needed to talk, which usually meant something was going wrong.

XXX

''What do you think it's about?''

JJ blinked, looking over toward Emily as she voiced her enquiry. The day had been quite the blur. As usual, things had been busy and fast at work. She had dealt with a handful of case requests, done her assignments, briefed a secondary team on the case they were being assigned and of course, wrestled with the curious reporters that bombarded her daily with questions and demands for comments and quotes. Amongst other things. Either way, the day had passed through quickly.

''I'm not sure.''

Emily looked at her for a moment, and JJ knew her girlfriend didn't believe her. She didn't believe herself, to be honest. JJ knew exactly what it was about; she just wasn't going to say it until she had to.

As Emily looked away, the blonde just stood for a moment and watched. Her daughter had made herself at home on Emily's knee, and was currently contentedly drawing and colouring, randomly chattering to Emily who had also been coaxed into joining in.

JJ mused on how much things had changed lately. For her, and for Amelia. But the kid had taken it in her stride, accepting Emily a lot easier than she actually thought she would. Not out of difficulty, but just because it was a big change and they could be off putting to children. Amelia though, was thankfully a fast adjuster. Only, how did a five year old adjust to her Daddy being sent to war?

Before she even had a chance to answer herself, or figure out just how she was going to explain this, her thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell. Once again, Emily looked over to catch her eyes, giving her a soft but knowing and serious look. Pulling in a breath, JJ moved out of the kitchen and down the hall, not bothering to look through the peephole to check it was Archer. Instead she just unlocked and opened up the door, coming face to face with the Father of her child.

''Hey.''

He hovered on the doorstep, hands shoved into his jeans pocket so his shoulders were hunched forward just ever so slightly. He didn't look as disheveled as the last time she had seen him. Rather than last week, Archer was now clean-shaven and well trimmed, his clothes were ironed and he had a little more colour in his face. Still though, he looked up at her with doe eyes, the expanse of them carrying that mix of being a little innocent boy and a deeply flawed but kind man. Pain underlined the both of them.

''Come in.''

''Actually, do you mind coming out?''

JJ arched an eyebrow, looking across at her friend speculatively, before finally moving to step outside, pulling the door till it was almost closed. Silently, she followed his lead as he sat on the doorstep, and she sat down close next to him. Close enough for their arms and shoulders to touch, close enough that she felt the sigh that ran through him as he starred out into the darkening street.

''I'm sorry.''

Again, she quirked an eyebrow as she looked at him upon hearing his apology.

''I'm sorry I could never give you what you wanted. Or needed. I'm sorry I wasn't enough…you know?''

Tipping her head, JJ sighed softly, feeling the sting of both guilt and heartbreak. He didn't need to say anything further for her to understand what he was talking about. She already knew. It was what she had always regretted, because he had always been her friend. Despite his flaws, a generally good guy. A guy that she had used. She'd never regret that night, because it had lead her to having Amelia. But she regretted that it had been born out of something other than what he had always wanted it to be.

''Archer, you know it's never been about you not being enough for me. I just…back then…I should be the one that's sorry, not you.''

''Don't be. Even for just one night, it was worth it. At least I got to experience it once, you know? Better than never being with you at all.''

The truth was, Archer had known that night exactly what the score was. He knew how devastated JJ had been, like he knew how angry she had been at Parker. He knew all along that she never wanted him like that, and she had only fallen into bed with him to seek revenge on her ex, knowing it would strike a painful blow. He hadn't cared. Because he loved her. Like he had always loved her.

It was why he had never sought to sustain a relationship with anyone, but in his heart of hearts, he knew even if JJ had been straight; he would never have been able to keep her. And he believed he never would have deserved her. He felt grateful for the opportunity to have her love as a friend, and as he had stated, at least one night wasn't never. But the greatest thing of all, was that she had carried his child, and he hadn't been able to ask of anything better than that.

''I think you put too much worth in me.''

She was a little surprised at how quickly he turned his head, shaking it adamantly in objection as he stared her right in the eyes.

''Don't say that. You're worth it. And that little girl, _our _little girl JJ, she was worth it. And I hope she grows up just like you. You'll make sure she does, right? Promise me?''

JJ nodded, finding that her voice was too thick to make any kind of sound in reply as she bit down lightly on her bottom lip. She knew what this was. He was trying to say goodbye. To try and leave them both with some sort of closure as to everything that had happened between them, because they both knew he might never come back. He had done it, albeit in a different way, when he had gone overseas the last time. This though, this was more serious. There was a gravity in his voice, in his eyes, that told her that he truly expected not to return. She ceased the brief fight that she was having with the threatening tears in her eyes and let them fall, lurching forward to wrap her arms around Archer to hold him tightly. It was a good few minutes before she could let go again.

XXX

''_Daddy_!''

Amelia was too surprised, pleasantly so, to notice the weight in her Father's eyes, or the fact that as her Mother followed him into the kitchen she was wiping the remnants of tears from hers. It was too much of an unexpected delight to have her Daddy drop by to notice anything else, or the reason for why he was here.

''Hey there Jelly Bean.''

Quickly, though sweetly politely, Amelia slipped from Emily's knee with a little bit of aid, and then ran across the kitchen to be swooped up by her Dad. She giggled as he spun her around, always enjoyed it when he did that. She never felt unsafe, never felt like he came close to dropping her. He was too strong for that.

''What you up to Angel?''

Archer stopped twirling his daughter around, finally just letting her rest in his arm so he could look at her properly. She really was his angel, his saving grace. The best thing he'd ever done. He knew he wasn't the best Father; he had stepped away from many of his responsibilities and let JJ take the strain. For that, he would always resent himself. But he just didn't know if Amelia would benefit from anything more. He was screwed up; he didn't want to do that to his daughter too. She was safe with JJ. JJ, who came from a good family, had her head on straighter than he did and who did a phenomenal job.

''I is drawing with Emily, Daddy, wanna see? I made one for you.''

Amelia thrust her arm out so that she could point toward the table, and therefore at Emily and the table that was scattered with colouring books and drawn on pieces of paper. Crayons and coloured pencils were scattered everywhere too.

''I'd love to see it baby.''

Archer gently placed Amelia back to the ground as she wriggled, and smirked as she ran back to the table to find his picture that was mingled somewhere in the throng of pictures. Taking in a deep breath, he took a little comfort in the thought that even if he wasn't lucky enough to come home again, he'd know his daughter would always be okay. She'd always have someone to look after her. It was that thought that made him realise that Emily was still sat at the table, looking as awkward as he suddenly felt. He moved to shove his hands in his pockets again, moving back and forth on the balls of his feet before dropping his eyes to the floor and clearing his throat slightly.

''Oh…sorry. Subtle by the way! Erm…Archer this is Emily Prentiss, Em this is Archer Bennett, Amelia's Dad.''

JJ kick started herself into action again, briefly having been zoned out as she watched Amelia rifle through papers. It was Archer's very not so subtle clearing of the throat that pulled her out of it, where she had suddenly remembered that the two hadn't actually met yet, somehow. She didn't know exactly why she had stated he was Amelia's Father, it was pointless to say, Emily already knew that.

''Hey, it's good to meet you, I've heard a lot.''

Emily greeted Archer with a pleasant smile, standing from her seat and moving across the separating distance with her arm outstretched, ready to shake hands with him. Becoming the epitome of politeness, just as she had been taught by being raised in her all too powerful and political family. She didn't choose to engage it, but every now and then it popped up anyway. Emily still hadn't figured out if it was a good or a bad thing. She supposed good, in this instance, because it covered up most of the nervousness and awkwardness she felt in this situation.

Archer was the only person involved around JJ's life that she hadn't met yet. Somehow, and she guessed that JJ and Lauren had done some conspiring to make it happen; they had managed to miss each other. Part of her had been relieved of that, because she had no idea how to handle it. Had no idea how she was going to handle seeing the bond between her girlfriend and the Father of her child, and no idea how she would convey to him that she wasn't a threat to him. That she had no desire to make him obscure. Amelia was his daughter and she respected that, but it didn't go to say that she would back off treating her as such too as things progressed. And they were progressing.

She had meant what she had told JJ, about everything she wanted. Everything she hoped for. That had only increased since they had taken that three-day weekend trip up to Pennsylvania, where she had met the rest of JJ's family. Seeing the bonds they had, that remained just as strong with so much distance between them, had almost blown her away. That's what she wanted.

''Yeah, I've heard a lot too.''

He replied with an almost shy and boyish smirk, taking her hand softly. Immediately Emily could see in Archer everything that JJ had told her. The depth of his pain, the cracks running through his eyes. It was actually quite heartbreaking. Despite being somewhat of a flawed man, he was somehow a decent one too. He seemed somewhere caught between being a boy and being a man, had an oddly gentle grace about him, despite his build and profession. Emily guessed she could see why JJ had turned to him five years ago, if she stretched. It wasn't the act that she had difficulty with, people were complicated and sometimes they did things that were out of character. She could list off quite a few things of her own. People made mistakes. They hurt one another, they helped one another. Emily guessed that her problem wasn't with Archer himself, but that he had given JJ something she never could.

The Marine gestured toward Amelia with a lop sided smirk, indicating that she was the source of his information. The infant remained at the table, meticulously rifling through the pages of drawings to find the one for her Dad. Emily turned to look at her for a moment, smirking herself at the knowledge that Amelia had talked about her. And what's more, from Archer's smile, he didn't seem to mind.

''I found it!''

Obviously thrilled, Amelia ran back to her Father, brandishing her picture. Once again, she swooped her up so she was sat in his arm, and he grinned as he looked at the picture that she had drawn for him. It was so vibrant, just like her. Of the two of them. He placed a light but long kiss on the side of her head, his smile fading a little as he looked over toward JJ. She pushed herself off of the island, then ran a hand through her hair as she took in a slow breath, blue eyes roaming the floor for a second as she thought.

''Amelia sweetheart, we erm…we need to talk to you about something, okay? You go with your Dad in the front and I'll be there in just a second, okay?''

Amelia gazed at her Mother wearily, seemingly not quite believing the tight smile she offered, probably because the air was tense and her eyes were sad. But the little girl nodded anyway, not objecting as Archer carried her out of the kitchen.

''What's going on?''

Emily enquired softly, her gut tightening a little as she too noticed the atmosphere and the looks between JJ and Archer. She knew her girlfriend, knew how she looked when she was overwhelmed and devastated by something. She knew when she was finding something difficult, when she was upset, when she was angry. She was a profiler, a good one. But she didn't need those skills to read into this that something was wrong.

''I can explain, just…not now.''

''You've said that to me before, JJ.''

JJ nodded, rolling her tongue along her lips as she ran a hand into her hair again, looking at the floor rather than Emily.

''I know…''

When she offered nothing else in response, Emily folded her arms across her chest, drawing her head back a little as she did. Despite the continuing progression in their relationship, despite that she had met the family and everything like that, the past three weeks had still been hard. After what happened in Las Vegas, Emily had been given a mandatory block of sessions with the FBI shrink by Hotchner, who she was still not seeing eye to eye with. Things were cringingly awkward in the office right now, him still not trusting her completely and now even more standoffish now that he'd found out about her and JJ. She didn't think the comment about not being like him had helped her cause much. May have gotten him to think about JJ's happiness, but had certainly put his trust in her a few steps back. He had made it abundantly clear that he still objected and was uncomfortable with their relationship, that he didn't support it, but he'd protect his team because that's what he did. She knew that right now, he was only doing it for JJ.

''I can't help you if you keep shutting me out.''

Emily stated, making JJ look up at her as though she was actually startled.

''I don't shut you out.''

''That's exactly what you do. I know how hard it's been for you to trust me, and don't think I don't realise how much effort you've put in to change that because I do. And I love you for it. But JJ you're still running from me, and you have to stop. There aren't many ways left that I can convince you that I'm not running from you.''

JJ opened her mouth, but any response she had died before she had chance to say it, her eyes reflecting on the guilty acknowledgement of the truth. Having no denial within her to sprout, she sighed roughly, running her hand over her face now.

''You don't need to, I know that you love me.''

She whispered softly, making Emily smirk ever so softly as she nodded, stepping forward now to place her hands on JJ's arms, bowing her head until she made the blonde look at her properly.

''I know you know I love you. But I want you to feel it, all the way enough to trust me with anything. So you don't assume I'll do to you what everyone else did. That's the last step JJ, it's one that I need you to take.''

Emily smiled softly, moving her hands up to brush a few strands of silky blonde hair back, before cupping JJ's face and placing a tender kiss on her forehead. The younger woman shuddered a little bit, letting out another breath she had held in. Emily let JJ raise her own hands as she lifted her head up slightly, let them wrap around the back of her head and neck and pull her forward until their mouths met. It was strong, and deep and connected, as intense as the moment demanded of it but still only quite momentary and fleeting in nature. And when it was over, JJ rested her forehead against her own.

''Archer is being deployed overseas, he goes next week. He told me they were on standby a while ago, but we decided to wait until it was official to say anything. And it's scaring the shit out of me, because I know it's going to break whatever there is left inside of him, and I love him. I didn't know how to explain to you that I love him, without it getting misconstrued.''

The blonde confessed quickly, her voice barely under a whisper. She couldn't see Emily's face properly, but she felt the edges of the brunette's smile before she moved in to kiss her again, impossibly softly.

''I get it. I've understood that from the start. Go and talk to Amelia, okay? I'll be here for you when you're done. I'm not going anywhere, Jennifer.''

JJ smiled affectionately, but still with the trace of tiredness and worry. Emily didn't envy what it was the blonde had to go in there and do. Part of her wanted desperately to be there with her, to support her. But she knew she needed to let her do this with Archer. She would be here after, for her and Amelia.

''I know.''

Emily nodded as JJ stood back, both having taken each other's hand for a moment as she did, not letting go until JJ stepped too far away for them to hold on anymore. She drew in a breath, trying to buck up a little before she had to face her daughter. However, at the archway to the kitchen, she stopped and turned a little.

''Em? You gave up your life's dream for me, and you're still copping for it at work. I'll take whatever step I have to. You love me, and I love you. I feel it all.''

Before Emily had a chance to answer, before she could push past the swell in her throat, JJ disappeared into the hallway to go into the living room, leaving her stood in the middle of the kitchen alone. Alone and smirking like an idiot, but she didn't much care about that right now. She knew that what JJ said had been true.

XXX

''So…that's her.''

JJ nodded, taking a slow breath in before lifting the beer up and taking a long sip of it. As she did, her eyes peered upward, glancing over the dark sky and the stars. It was nothing like the night sky from back home, but it was still beautiful. On the second night at the farm, JJ had taken Emily for a walk after it had gotten dark, wanting her to see the things she had seen growing up. One of those things was a patch of land just past the woods. She'd learnt all those years ago, though even though she could get spooked in the woods, it was worth coming out on the other side to discover the little lake hidden there. The moon and stars always seemed to glow brighter, reflected beautifully off the water. It was actually very romantic, and once she was there with Emily, she realised she had never taken any other lover there.

''She's hot.''

JJ nodded again, smirking around the beer bottle, not sharing with Archer just how true that was. Not sharing him the vivid memories she savored at not only taking Emily to one of her most favourite places ever, sharing it with her and her only, but also at making love there. Something she hadn't actually thought about, even though Emily teased her she only took her there to get laid! If only she was that smooth!

The talk with Amelia had been gut wrenching. They had done their best to explain, painstakingly explain, everything she wanted to know. Everything she deserved to know. There had been tears and objections, she had begged him not to go so they'd had to explain to her again why he had to. It had been hard, and it sucked. And all JJ had wanted to do was either throw up, or wrap her daughter up in her arms and promise her that everything was going to be fine. But it wasn't, she couldn't promise her that. No parent could promise their children that.

After a while, when the five year old had calmed down some, she had asked a series of sleepy questions, until she'd finally fallen asleep. Archer had carried her upstairs to put her into bed, and JJ had gone into the kitchen, finding that Emily was no longer there, but had gone upstairs to the bedroom. For some reason, she hadn't been able to move. Just stand there for a while, feeling ling she couldn't breathe. JJ had moved outside, hoping some air would make her feel better. As if Amelia looking at her like she had just realised that Mommy couldn't make everything better was going to be easier to take with some fresh air. She hated it.

Actually she despised it with a fiery passion, it actually caused a sickly venom to form in the pit of her stomach. Because now was the time that she had been dreading since she had first held her daughter. Now was the time she was going to start failing her. Not on purpose, not because she was a bad Mother or anything like that. But because it was inevitable. Children always came to the realisation that their parents could not solve, fix or change everything like they once had believed. It was excruciating.

Archer had appeared next to her, offering a beer. It's how she had ended up sitting on the deck with him, drinking the beer and just watching the night sky.

''It's good you have someone. She seems different. You seem different with her.''

This time, JJ turned to look at him, appreciating the comment. Of course, she knew what he was trying to say. That though conversations with Amelia and herself, he had gained enough insight to know that Emily seemed to be good for both of them. Better than him. Someone who could be there for them, offer them things he never could.

''So anyway, I better go. I'll be by day after tomorrow to take her out, okay?''

Numbly, JJ took the beer bottle Archer had been holding, nodding at the sudden departure. She didn't have much time to respond as he stood up, hopping down from the deck before making his way along the side path of the house that would lead him to the front. Before he disappeared though, he stopped, looking upward for a moment before looking back toward her.

''Thanks for everything JJ.''

After that, he did disappear around the corner, leaving the blonde in an abrupt silence. She sighed softly, once again letting her eyes roam over the twinkling of the stars. The truth was, she had always battled her fear with the woods to get to the lake because it was private, and she liked private. But she liked the way the stars had looked from there. They had given her room to think. Let her introspect. She had turned to them to get some insight, or to feel insignificant. Sometimes she'd gone there merely to hide away from the rest of the tiny little town, because as generally nice as they were, they didn't know when to stop. And they didn't always understand her thinking. The kind of thinking they said, that belonged in the stars.

XXX

Emily hadn't remained downstairs for very long. Instead, after she had tided away the things she and Amelia had been playing with, the profiler had poured herself a glass of wine and headed upstairs. She didn't want to get in the way downstairs, and didn't want to earwig or anything like that. It was hard to pull back, but she knew she had to. Knew that she could support JJ, and Amelia, in different ways than being in that room tonight.

After grabbing a quick shower, the brunette had been all too happy to crawl into her side of the bed, relieved to relax into its comforts. JJ did have a rather wonderfully comfortable bed, as she had said many times before. And after a tense day at work, yet again, it was nice to just sink into and enjoy. Especially with a glass of wine. So she had flicked through some channels, watching a couple of things here and there, but the TV wasn't taking her mind away from anything. So instead, she'd left it on low on a random channel, picking up her book instead.

It was only when the door to the bedroom had opened, and she had looked up expecting JJ, that she realised how much time had passed. Instead of finding JJ though, she had found Amelia there instead. The tired, upset little girl had plodded in, rubbing one of her eyes as she did. Emily had obliged in picking her up to lift her into the middle of the bed, where she'd helped the child settle down until she was comfortable. It turned out that comfortable was tucked and cuddled into her, but she didn't mind that. Instead she'd looped an arm around her, using that hand to stroke through her hair gently as she had granted the little girls request to be read to. Well, sort of. Instead of reading from her book, she had retold a story her Grandfather used to read to her, given that her book was mature in theme. Amelia was so exhausted that it hadn't taken very long for her to fall back to sleep again, obviously having just wanted some contact after her talk.

''Hey.''

Yet again, Emily had let time slip by her, after going back to reading her book, although still using her other hand to stroke through Amelia's hair aimlessly. She looked up this time to see JJ closing the door, hovering there though as she looked at them both with her own tired expression.

''She's not bothering you there, is she?''

The blonde wondered softly, making Emily shake her head.

''No of course not. She wondered in, 'bout a half hour ago I think.''

JJ nodded, offering Emily a smile before walking over to the draws to pull out something to sleep in. As she had been sitting outside on her own, thinking about what had happened, what was going to happen, all the while staring into the sky, she realised that it would be okay. She realised that she hadn't betrayed Amelia, and that it was okay that she knew she couldn't do anything and everything. It was how she handled that, that was the key. If she freaked out about it, it would be a lot worse for her daughter. So she had thought back to when she had realised it about her parents, about the things they had done that had still made her feel safe anyway. Still made her trust in them. She could do that too. Especially with Emily right there for her. It was a tough situation, but Amelia was going to be okay, they'd make sure of it.

''You okay?''

Emily wondered, watching JJ curiously, slipping her book back onto the nightstand having lost interest now JJ was here. She watched the thoughts dance across clear blue eyes, watched as the blonde tossed her another smile as she nodded in between getting changed. It made her smile the way JJ pulled her hair out of the t-shirt, for some reason it always did. Tonight though the blonde grabbed a bobble and tied her hair up into a loose ponytail, before edging around to the other side of the room, slipping carefully into the other side of the bed so she didn't wake Amelia up.

''I'm okay. I was outside, thinking.''

She replied eventually, pulling the cover up over her before turning to lay more on her side, using her elbow to pop her head up as she rested on the pillows. Automatically, her other hand moved to rest lightly on her daughter.

''Oh yeah, about what?''

JJ smiled a little.

''I always liked rain. Which was good you know, considering where I grew up. Anyway, my Dad…I don't know if he mentioned this to you while we were there, he always seemed to know I was never a small town girl. I mean, I loved it there, in so many ways. Still do. But, I couldn't stay there. And he knew how wound up I could get when the whole town put pressure on me for the games. Sometimes I'd just lie awake for hours, wondering what I could do to make the team that bit tighter. So to get me to go to sleep, he'd stand outside, and he'd turn the hose on and point it upward. The water would splash on my window like rain. And I used to think 'I have the best Dad in the world', 'cos he'd stand out there for as long as it took.''

''That's beautiful.''

''Yeah. The truth is, both my parents did so many things for all of us. And they just thought nothing of it. They made us feel so safe. I'll worry about Archer. I'll worry about Amelia, and it'll be so hard for her. She looked at me tonight with this…just this look, because she realised I couldn't do anything. It's the first time she's looked at me like that. But when I started thinking outside, I realised that it was okay. She's still got me. And she's got you too. We're that sort of parent, the ones that'll create rain if we have to.''

It didn't even seem to strike JJ, Emily noticed, that she had basically just termed her as Amelia's parent. More like it had just been a natural thing for her to say, like there was no reason to say anything different. But Emily noticed, because it had made a delightful ringing in her ears, made her flush warm and have to take in a breath to steady herself. But she just smiled, not bringing it to JJ's attention. It didn't need vocalizing, didn't need talking over. It felt good.

''Yeah, we will.''

She agreed in a cracked whisper, shuddering ever so softly at the thought of things to come. She accepted the affectionate kiss that JJ leaned over for, careful of course to not disturb the sleeping child beneath them. Then, like JJ, she settled down into the bed before reaching around and switching the lamp off.

**10 weeks later**

''Excuse me, could you direct me to…Special Agent Jareau's office, please?''

Hearing her friend's name, Garcia looked up from the file she was skimming as she practically trotted out of her office and into the hallway. The lively, eccentric computer analyst almost gasped at the man who stood before her. Well, more of a living god than a man. Tall, built, deep soulful eyes. He was definitely a hunk, drop dead gorgeous.

How was it that JJ seemed to attract all the hot guys, even when she didn't want them? Time after time, Garcia had complained to her lovely gal pal, that she should wear a sticker declaring she was a skirt chaser, and all interested gorgeous men should be diverted to the Oracle Of Knowledge. As of yet, that hadn't happened. Something about JJ refusing to wear said sticker, she couldn't really remember.

Actually, come to think of it, JJ didn't just attract the hot guys. She snagged the hot girls too. So she had also mentioned before, plenty of times. It gave her pleasure to see JJ blush and try to hide behind her hair whilst muttering at her to shut up. Honestly, that girl didn't have a clue, but that was just why Garcia loved her. Even now she loved her, despite that this delightfully built Marine was looking for her. Wait…Marine? A Marine that had to look on the envelope he was carrying to remember JJ's name?

''She's actually in a de-brief meeting right now, is it urgent?''

Garcia asked seriously, a little weariness weaving into her tone and eyes. The man in front of her looked somber and serious, and it actually put a knot in her stomach. She watched him not, his jaw tightening briefly.

''Yes Ma'am, extremely urgent.''

Garcia nodded, gulping before clearing her throat and gesturing with her hand that the Marine should follow her. The bullpen was mostly empty, given that it was just after hours, and she knew that the team had almost finished their de-briefing. Morgan had called her from the round table room, requesting her presence with some information Hotch wanted, as the boss man and Emily had stepped out to his office for a moment. It didn't take a profiler to wonder why; they were probably disagreeing over something, again.

As she led the Marine up the stairs to the walkway, she glanced into the office, suitably surprised as she saw the pair shaking hands. They had buried the hatchet? Reid had told her a couple of days ago that the two intense profilers had had a massive blow out over a profile point. Emily had turned out to be right, apparently on quite a few things on this case. Reid had also told her that after their little spat, JJ had completely dressed Hotchner down about a few things. That, at the time, had made her shudder. JJ was a damn well scary woman when she wanted to be.

''Hey Baby Girl, you got…what's going on?''

Morgan hesitated in pouring out the coffee he was ready to pour as he looked at the uniformed soldier behind Garcia. Evidently, the sight had brought Hotch and Emily out of the office, and they were following behind closely, looking as confused as he was. As he glanced over his shoulder, Reid, JJ and Gideon were all looking between one another too.

''That's a good question. Garcia?''

Hotchner slipped around the Marine, moving to stand by the table but facing where the soldier stood, as did Emily who after looking at the man for a moment, started to inch around the table. The room dropped uncomfortable, the tension thickening immediately, and he could tell that they were all picking up the sense of what was coming. It was why Garcia looked so uneasy, and it was why Emily had started to move around the table slowly, but in an automatic protective move. Because at the head of it, where she usually was, sat JJ.

''He's looking for JJ, Sir.''

Garcia whispered, looking at her boss before swinging her gaze onto the blonde, who just stared at the Marine by the door. She dropped her jaw slightly, looking up at Emily as she came to a stop by her side, before looking back at the Marine.

''I'm sorry, but which one of you is Jennifer Jareau?''

The Marine asked, looking between the two women sadly. JJ froze for a second, before swallowing the lump in her throat and making a move to stand up.

''I am.''

She didn't move as she man strode across the room, outstretching his arm to present her with the letter he had been holding. She took it gingerly, looking at him for a second before she looked down at it. JJ didn't really need to open it to know what it was, but she did anyway, shakily. Everyone fell oddly silent as she skimmed the words, going over them a couple of times to really let it sink in. Did it make her a bad person, to feel a little relief? To feel some weight fall away from her shoulders as the words translated themselves into meaning inside of her head. She sighed, of course she was upset, she was saddened. At some point she would be devastated, when it really kicked in. Probably when she had to face her daughter, yet again, to deliver the news.

''JJ…''

At Emily's soft prompt, and the feeling of the brunette's hand on her shoulder, JJ sighed softly as she looked up again, blinking slightly at the brightness of the room. She felt a little dizzy. She hadn't even been aware that the Marine had been talking, but now coming back to reality she realised he had been giving her all the details he could, what was in the letter, and expressing his sympathy. Thanking her for Archer's dedication and years of service, like it was supposed to make her feel better. Like she had wanted him to go, when she hadn't. Like it would change anything for her daughter.

''Archer's dead.''


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N - Thank you to everyone that has been following the story, it has been greatly appreciated. This is going to be the last chapter of this particular main story. However, I have been convinced to do a stand alone set after this in the very near future! So we'll get to see how our gals are getting along :)**

Emily breathed in deeply, leisurely even, before letting the breath float out again slowly. She was so very beyond comfortable that it was ridiculous. The kind of comfortable that made you feel like you were in your own special little bubble, snug and warm and completely relaxed. The one that made you feel like you never wanted to leave it. Made you dream for a few moments that never again did you have to move for anything or anyone.

Gently, the brunette inched further into the middle of the bed, instinctively wrapping herself around her lover, weaving limps around limps. She hadn't even opened her eyes yet but there was a soft smirk tracing her lips. The smirk widened a little bit as she felt JJ snuggle back into her in response, also making her own little sigh. She loved waking up like this. When she could just drift out of slumber peacefully with the woman she loved.

There hadn't been a lot of chance to do that these past few weeks. Things had been running at a grueling pace since Archer had died. From that day, things had been getting harder and harder, the tension so heavy that it had been suffocating. Both herself and JJ were exhausted, Lauren was exhausted too. And even JJ's Mother, Edith, who had flown down to try and take some of the strain away from her daughter was tired. All four of them were flat out due to one very distraught, very unhappy little girl.

Not one of them was mad at Amelia for it. She was only five, and she had lost her Father. It wasn't as though she could completely comprehend it, either. It had all happened so quickly in her eyes too. One minute everything was fine. The next, Daddy was going to war. Then the next again, he was gone forever. The reactionary behaviour she had been displaying after Archer had been deployed had just exploded triple fold when JJ had had to tell her he wasn't coming home again.

It had been gutting for the blonde to have to tell her, pushing down her own grief and emotion for her daughter. And it had been devastating for her to take the brunt of the blame from Amelia. She had no real answers for her, couldn't tell her what she wanted to know. Couldn't help her understand fully, couldn't make it all better and take away that pain. So yet again, she felt like a failure. The optimism of some time ago had vanished, and seemed to have taken a part of her with it too.

As Amelia had gotten more out of control day by day, JJ had seemed to become emptier and emptier. The more she couldn't help her daughter, the more she closed off to everybody. She had taken a little time off from work to stay with Amelia and try to give her the support she needed. But things had just gotten worse. Amelia was unresponsive to everything anyone tried, but especially JJ. More often than not, she would turn to someone else for comfort, and it had broken JJ's heart.

Through the day, Amelia was angry and defiant, prone to tantrums that had worked up into her purposefully destroying or damaging something. She would refuse to eat half the time, and continued to make JJ bear the punishment of what had happened. Through the night, she either didn't sleep at all, or had severe nightmares if she did. To the point where she wet the bed almost every night. Sometimes she would let JJ tend to her, more often than not, someone else had to do it. It had gotten to the point where they took turns to get up.

Emily had tried everything she knew as a profiler, some of it had worked for a little while, some hadn't worked at all. But of course she had made it a point of being a support for both Mother and daughter, watching them both very closely as she did. She had tried, more or less in vain, to get JJ to talk to her about it. The blonde was so efficient at throwing up her walls that it was an almost impossible task. It was as though she had tucked everything away into a little box inside, making her more withdrawn than she had ever seen her. She wasn't sleeping properly, wasn't eating properly, and day-by-day she was convincing herself that she wasn't good enough. She wasn't doing enough for Amelia. Convinced herself almost that she wasn't good enough to be with even. The memory of that made Emily shudder.

_''JJ? What're you doing down here baby?''_

_Emily frowned, the deep concern showing across her confused and sleepy features as she hurried down the stairs of her apartment. When she got to the bottom, she flicked the light switch that lit up the wall lamps, not wanting to put the main ones on seeing as JJ had seemingly been sat in darkness for goodness knows how long._

_JJ sat, or rather slumped, by the window, her back pressed up against the glass as her knees were tucked into her chest, arms wrapped around them tightly. She barely even moved as the lights came on, didn't respond to Emily's question either. Just continued to stare despondently toward the floor._

_''Honey, you're freezing…''_

_Emily hadn't needed to touch JJ to tell that, but she had anyway. Quickly, she moved over to the couch, pulling the blanket from the back of it before returning to her lover and wrapping her up the best she could. After she had, she sat down next to JJ and looped her arm around her shoulder, hunkering in to hopefully help warm her up, using her other hand to rub JJ's arm beneath the blanket._

_''Talk to me JJ.''_

_The worried profiler whispered, practically begged, frowning intently as she studied JJ's face. She was pale and her eyes were tired and sullen, that usual sparkle dull now. Emily could tell that her girlfriend had been crying, from the streaks on her face and the watery glint across her eyes. The ones that turned onto her now, guilt, pain and regret all shining through at once._

_''I'll take Amelia home in the morning, and the stuff I've left here. Get out of your hair.''_

_Emily's frown turned deeper and even more serious as a wave of panic swept through her, making her stomach dip as it did._

_''What're you talking about?''_

_JJ snickered lightly, lacking the energy to do anything other. It wasn't really aimed at Emily though, rather than herself._

_''C'mon Em, this isn't what you signed up for is it? Hell, you didn't even sign up for a kid, I blindsided you. All this…it isn't your shit to be dealing with. You won't say it, so I will.''_

_As JJ explained, Emily couldn't help but drop her jaw slightly as that wave of panic became stronger, aided by a healthy dose of anger and sadness and pain. She drew her head back slightly, but didn't move away from JJ even if she felt like she'd just been kicked in the gut by her words._

_''Jennifer Grace Jareau don't you _ever_ assume such a thing again, do you hear me?''_

_''You're too…''_

_''_Don't_ JJ, I mean it. Have you lost your mind? 'What I signed up for'? What is that even supposed to mean? I love you. Do you hear me? I love you so much that it actually hurts sometimes. You and Amelia are the most important things in my life, and I will not let you do this. I won't let you push me away, because I know how much you love me too. I know this is because you're exhausted and you're hurting.''_

_Both the urgency, and the slight hint of anger seemed to stun JJ a little, but also jostle something within her eyes too. Managed to pierce the fortress wall that she had built up, enough to rile a real response in JJ, make her realise what it was that she had just said._

_''I can't…I can't help her, I keep trying but it doesn't work, I keep failing her. I'm supposed to be her Mother for fucks sake, and I can't even…she hates me.''_

_Emily pulled JJ into her instantly, wrapping her arms around her frame as she cried into her shoulder. She held onto her tightly, relieved that at least something was coming out, that something was being vented. She had watched it build up and build up inside of JJ, but she hadn't expected her to try and retreat from her like that. Even if it was ultimately an empty action, it had still scared her._

_''She doesn't hate you sweetheart. She's just in a lot of pain, and unfortunately you're getting the brunt of it. She loves you JJ, you're her world. That's why she's lashing out at you. And you are an amazing Mother, okay? The way you are…I just hope that I can be the kind of Mother you are one day. I have never seen you fail, not even close to it. You're going to get her through this, and I'm going to get you through this. I promise.''_

''Hmm…good morning.''

Emily squeezed JJ lightly, kissing the back of her neck gently as she did as she shook off the memory of that night that was quite some time ago now. She could smell the fragrance of JJ's shampoo as she nuzzled into the back of her neck, and it made her feel even more comfortable than she had been.

''Morning. Sleep well?''

JJ began to let her fingers stroke along Emily's forearm gently as she took in another deep breath, enjoying the gentleness of the moment. She loved waking up like this just as much as her girlfriend. And quite frankly, it was a relief and pleasure to wake up like this. It hadn't happened all too often since Archer died.

''I really did.''

''Me too. Makes a difference when you know you don't have to be up for work, doesn't it!''

JJ chuckled at Emily's amused comment, nodding lightly at just how true that was. Carefully, she turned herself around in the brunette's arms so that they were face to face. Her smile widened as she saw part of Emily's hair was fluffed up a little, making her laugh again.

''What?''

JJ just continued to beam, especially as her girlfriend became mildly confused. She lifted her hand up to the unruly strands to try and straighten them out a little.

''You're so adorable!''

She chuckled again, leaned her head forward a little bit to place a soft kiss on Emily's lips. As she was about to pull away, Emily tightened her embrace to keep her there, initiating a stronger kiss that she was all too happy to respond to. Suddenly she forgot all about flattening her lover's hair and instead concentrated on their kiss and the feel of Emily's body close to hers as the older woman closed the space between them.

It was also Emily that deepened the kiss, requesting full access to JJ's mouth which was granted instantly. It was the kind of kiss that reminded them both of their first, back in whatever hotel room they had been in then, open mouthed and intense. Intimate and knowing. Through the sheer want and need in it though, was what always remained. Love and respect.

They moved seamlessly together, bodies in tune as they were caught up in the kiss that became more important than oxygen, and as hands started to roam skin. Skin that they already knew by heart, but always wanted to explore further. The comfortable bubble that had enveloped them just moments ago turned intimate and intense, the atmosphere changing along with them as the clothes they had slept in were readily discarded, along with the bedspread that had been covering them previously. Their bubble became all about passion.

XXX

''Agent Jareau, I'm ready for you now.''

JJ looked up, a slight wave of relief running along her features after finding herself far too engrossed in one of the celebrity rags. Unlike Garcia, she hated these kinds of magazines. The who's who, who's doing who, who's wearing this…she didn't have any time for them. But with a limited range this time to pick from, JJ had reluctantly taken it and sat with it in the waiting room. She just thought there was more important things to be doing than reading about someone she didn't even know.

Slipping the brash magazine back onto the side table that separated her chair from Emily's, the blonde looked at her girlfriend as a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. Emily reflected the smirk, before following JJ's path across the waiting room to the door that Doctor Bartlett was stood at, waiting and smiling patiently.

She was older, maybe in her early sixties with salt and pepper coloured hair and kind, intelligent brown eyes. She was a pleasant woman, easy to talk to and always warm and always knew how to make someone feel relaxed. It was probably partly due to her own personality, and the nature of her job. Dr Bartlett had spent a large chunk of her career as a child psychiatrist. She was the name that people gave when someone was looking for a very good Dr to help them out. It was the name JJ had been given after Archer's death due to Amelia's following decline.

''Thank you for taking the time to see me after Amelia's session today, I know you're both very busy.''

Dr Bartlett said warmly as she shut her office door, turning to regard the couple before her. She gestured toward the chairs in front of her desk that was situated in the far corner of the room out of the way. In the middle of the room there was a table, little enough for children to sit at. There was enough room for a couple of couches and a chair also. It was bigger than the briefing room at work. Plus, there was some space around the corner, only separated by a glass wall, where Amelia was currently playing with Dr Bartlett's assistant happily.

''That's okay. Is something wrong?''

JJ wondered, the edge of concern showing through her voice as she sat down, watching the older woman as she did the same behind her desk. Of course, they had been here plenty of times, or one of them had been. JJ had talked with Dr Bartlett plenty of times, but the psychiatrist had only specifically asked to talk to her on occasion. Sometimes they had talked alone; sometimes Emily had been there too.

''No, I'm sorry if you were worried. I just wanted to have a discussion about Amelia's progression. Let me start be reiterating that you have a very intelligent, delightful daughter. I've enjoyed working with her these past couple of months or so.''

JJ smiled, glancing over to look through to where Amelia was playing. Seemingly she was content in chattering about something as she manoeuvred the connecting building blocks the assistant was giving her. It was nice to see. It was a relief to see, actually.

''Thank you, I appreciate that.''

JJ turned back to look at the Dr, who smiled with a nod as she slipped on her glasses, and glanced down at the desk as she opened a file. Both JJ and Emily looked between one another for a moment as the older woman skimmed through her notes, before taking a breath in and sitting back in her chair, taking her glasses off again as she looked between the blonde and brunette.

''You brought Amelia to me after her behaviour spiralled out of control as a result of loosing her Father. She became defiant, destructive, even offensive. Also she suffered from severe nightmares when she did sleep, but also became prone to bouts of insomnia and regular bed-wetting. Simply put, she was generally one unhappy little girl that acted out at any given opportunity.''

Dr Bartlett spoke evenly, pulling the events that had occurred after Archer's death into a fine summary, which both JJ and Emily nodded along with in agreement. They looked at one another briefly again, both just for a moment, remembering the last thing that had caused JJ to ask the FBI psychiatrist if he knew any good child psychiatrists.

''There was also the incident with the car…''

The older woman said, as if knowing exactly what was running through the couples' minds. Emily looked down at her knee for a moment, biting her bottom lip as she instinctively reached out and took JJ's hand, holding it tightly.

That would be another memory that would stay with her. The memory of the incident itself, and the following conversation she'd had with JJ, who had still been in a certain amount of shock. Understandable, given that her daughter had almost been hit by a car after running into the road.

_Emily pushed the door to Amelia's room open slowly, hoping not to startle or intrude. The house was quiet, solemn even with the events of the day. To say that it had been a rough day would be putting it mildly. She had gotten to see first hand why Archer had turned out like he had. Everything that JJ had told her about his parents, especially his Mother, was true. And sitting in the office of a JAG officer Archer had been friends with, with that woman had been no small feat. Especially when the mudslinging had started over the will he had left. Over the fact that JJ had apparently 'poisoned' him, and she had kept Amelia away from him. It had been an extremely difficult few hours for JJ, given what had been going on at home with her daughter also._

_The profiler though, had at least convinced her girlfriend to stay out for a late lunch, given that the meeting had run over and it had been approaching 3pm when they had finally gotten out. She wanted to try and give JJ a breather, give them both just a little bit of time together before heading home._

_What had happened when they had arrived home, neither of them expected. As she pulled up outside of the house and began to get out, they both turned as they heard Edith scream Amelia's name. Only an instant later they saw why. Amelia bolted from around the back of Nancy's house, running as fast as she possibly could. And that was the instance that JJ bolted too, with Emily right behind her._

_JJ had thanked anything and anyone for the fact that she had been running all her life. If she hadn't have been quick enough to close the distance between the car and Amelia, she would never have gotten to her in time. Would never have managed to wrap her arms around her daughter and yank her out of the road before the car rode past. She felt the disturbance of the air from it as it passed them by, knowing she was only an inch away from it herself. That didn't matter, what mattered was that her child was safe._

_''What the hell were you doing?''_

_As soon as JJ carried Amelia back to the sidewalk, she put her down again, kneeling down in front of her as she held her shoulders. Immediately, the little girl began to cry, mirroring the tears in JJ's eyes too._

_''You can't do that. You just can't run out like that, do you hear me? You just…you can't.''_

_After Amelia had mumbled being sorry, JJ wrapped her up in her arms again and held onto her distraught daughter. The pure shock ran through scared blue eyes, and everyone that had come to stand near could see that she was shaking. See that the experience had jarred her to her core, sending a wave of horror through her. It didn't bare thinking about what would have happened if she hadn't have been there, but the realisation and the scenarios all ran through JJ's eyes anyway._

_JJ had taken Amelia off, leaving Emily to talk to Edith to make sure she was okay. The woman had been blaming herself for not being able to catch Amelia before she escaped from Nancy's back garden, but it hadn't been her fault. Which was what JJ had told her when she had reappeared, asking Nancy if it would be okay if Amelia stayed over. It had been a kick to the stomach for her after what had happened, that Amelia was refusing to stay with her, and would only let Emily help her get some stuff together._

_That was why Emily had come back to the house to find JJ sat in her daughter's empty room, much like how she had found her sat that night at her apartment. Knees bent up to her chest, although this time holding one of her daughter's teddy bears in her arms, just staring into space._

_''I can't do this anymore.''_

_The blonde muttered, surprising Emily because she really didn't think JJ had registered her presence._

_''What do you mean?''_

_The brunette frowned, a twist of alarm stirring in her stomach for a moment. She watched JJ carefully as harrowed blue eyes looked up at her, and she saw the self-resentment in them, but also a newly established determination._

_''That's my _daughter_. She my child, I _made_ her. She's _part_ of me, literally. I can't even…I feel her. Every second of the day, I can feel her. Because she's mine, I carried her, she came from me. She's my daughter, and she could have _died_ today, I could have lost her.''_

_''JJ…''_

_''She would have been gone, and that connection, that feeling, it would have still been there. Because every part of me knows I'm her Mother. I love her so much, whether she doesn't know it right now or not. I'm her Mother; I'll do anything for her. Even if that means accepting that she needs more help than I can give her right now.''_

_Emily stalled, approaching her girlfriend, but choosing to perch on Amelia's bed so that she could face her instead. She was still shaking._

_''What do you mean?''_

_''I mean I could have lost my daughter today, and I'm not willing to let that happen again. I called the shrink at the FBI; his wife is a specialized child therapist. I'm her Mother, Emily. I have to get her through this anyway I can.''_

That had been when something had appeared in JJ's eyes. That had startled her into knowing that she wasn't a failure as a Mother, that Amelia didn't hate her. It spurred her into action, into doing something for her daughter whether she wanted it or not. Which, she hadn't. Getting Amelia into Dr Bartlett's office and talking had been no easy feat. And yet again, JJ had taken the torrent of abuse for it, but had stood her ground.

''How do you think her behaviour is now?''

The therapist enquired, snapping both women back into reality gently, seemingly aware of them both relieving less than desirable memories.

''She seems to be doing really well, almost like she was before. Still a little quiet, but calmer. She seems happier.''

JJ answered, once again letting her eyes wonder over to her daughter. The swell of pride that hit her threatened to steal her breath, she had been through so much already and she was coming out of the other side. Her daughter was one strong little girl, that was for sure.

''And she isn't having many nightmares anymore, maybe once or twice a week if that sometimes. No real tantrums anymore, either.''

Emily added, making Dr Bartlett nod and note something down on the paper in Amelia's file.

''Amelia's teachers have reported much the same thing. She's settling into her classes properly now, responding and taking an active part in them. Talking to other students. This is great progress. How is your relationship with her now, Jennifer?''

JJ looked back at the older woman, who actually reminded her a little bit of her own Mother in her gentleness and kindness. The woman had talked with Amelia's teachers after JJ had also talked to them, explaining what had happened and asking them to be patient with her daughter. They had been more than that, for which JJ was very thankful for. And they had agreed to keep Dr Bartlett informed too, willing to help their new student in anyway they could.

''Well, I feel like her Mother again, if that's what you mean?''

The blonde responded quietly, letting her eyes drop for just a moment in shyness. Even now, even as Amelia was responding to her again, she couldn't shake off that feeling she'd had before. When she had watched her daughter turn to someone else, time and time again. It wasn't as though she resented anyone for it, or was mad at her daughter. It was something in herself. She had always been good at things. Had always been good at people. She dealt with whatever work threw at her, dealt with so many people day in and day out. Yet she hadn't been able to do anything for Amelia. She'd been destroyed by the guilt and kept remembering the look her child had given her. It was like she'd actually taken on the blame for this, when it was never her fault.

''At this juncture, I'd like to show you something.''

Dr Bartlett responded, lifting up another file and handing it over to JJ. She smiled encouragingly as the young Agent hesitated, and watched as the blonde put it on her knee and opened it carefully. JJ frowned ever so softly as she began to look through the many drawings and various pieces of things that Amelia had done in her sessions, handing some over to Emily for her to look through too.

''As strained as your relationship with Amelia was, obviously, you remained the most important part of her world. You did everything you should have done, Jennifer. Both of you did. You gave your child unconditional love and support at every turn. You gave her a safe environment for her to live her feelings. And as difficult as I'm sure it was, you gave her room to vent. You didn't belittle her feelings, didn't make her bottle them up. This came across time and time again in our sessions. I believe she's made so much progress not just because of therapy, but the effort you put in at home too. The safety net you provided her was absolutely essential. You were always her Mother, you always made her feel loved and safe. All of that is why she's going to be just fine.''

With looking through the many obvious displays of Dr Bartlett's work that Amelia had done, JJ felt a huge, almost solid, bubble of emotion rise up inside of her. The last of the older woman's words echoed in her mind, that her daughter was going to be okay. She was coming out the other end.

The day that she had decided to put Amelia in therapy, had also been the day that something else clicked inside of her. Not only had she got the strength and determination to get her child through this, she also realised that she needed to let go of certain things in order to help her do that. Like believing that she was a useless parent, because deep down, she knew it wasn't true. It had been hard to see, and she wasn't exactly an ego driven woman, but even through her modesty she knew she was a good Mother.

JJ had needed to let go of the habit of being so hard on herself. She expected perfection from herself when it came to Amelia and it just wasn't possible. It hurt because now Amelia was realising she wasn't perfect, but like he had mused before, that was okay. It was inevitable. She had just needed to remind herself.

Another thing was Emily. Her lover had been right when she had pointed out that she shut her out. It was her thing, she knew that. With more than just Emily. JJ wasn't exactly sure why or when she had become like that. She had always been private, always more on the stoic side unlike her siblings. She kept things in, mulled them over. She was introspective, and she didn't think some things were anyone else's business. But there were some things that she knew she had to start sharing. She needed to start talking too.

So she had. It well and truly sank in that Emily was there for her. That she could turn to her, and she wasn't going to run away. Finally, she had found someone that wasn't scared. Of her, of her life, of her intensity. So she had leaned on Emily, voicing every feeling she had over her emotions about Archer's death, airing out her relief. She had talked it out until it felt comfortable. Until she realised that it was okay to feel that. Because the relief was for many things. That he wasn't tormented anymore, that he would finally be at peace.

Bit by bit, as Amelia went along in her therapy, JJ almost did the same. Shedding things that she wanted or needed to let go of, trying to make herself stronger for herself, her daughter and Emily. To be more of the person she wanted to be. And it had made her feel lighter, made her feel more comfortable.

Hearing this, seeing this, when she had believed in the complete contrast of it, was overwhelming. Understanding that Amelia had always felt everything she endeavored to make her feel, was powerful to her. Made her feel like this swell of emotion inside of her was free to finally leave, letting her breath properly now. As though it was the last block fitting into a structure. It brought tears to her eyes, and she just let them roll out slowly, smiling as she looked at the pictures.

Everything was going to be fine.

XXX

''That's it baby, just like that!''

JJ cooed, a wide and bright smile joining the glow in her eyes. She laughed lightly as Amelia let out a little squeal of delight, doing something akin to a victory dance.

Mother and daughter had been out in the back garden, along with the new soccer goal post that both JJ and Emily had given up on assembling a week ago, finally just giving in and letting Morgan do it. Not without a price, of course. They'd had to listen to him go on about being 'the man', and put up with his smug grin. Still, the thing had gone up and that was the most important thing.

''You're getting it sweetheart, you're doing great.''

The blonde encouraged further, picking the ball up and rolling it back over to Amelia. She had been gradually teaching her things about soccer, and a selection of easy moves to start practicing. She still hadn't lived down the teasing from Emily about how delighted she had been when Amelia had asked her if she'd teach her how to play, after going to watch one of the games at Quantico.

''Thanks Mommy!''

JJ grinned, stepping into position in the goal. It wasn't her usual position, she was a striker by skill, but hanging in the goal for her daughter to kick to was a welcomed difference. Amelia looked fantastically cute in her little soccer kit, again, something she hadn't lived down. Apparently, according to one brunette, her excitement at picking out the various soccer attire had been hard to miss. Excitement had apparently been an understatement. But she hadn't been able to help it.

It wasn't that JJ wanted to push the sport onto Amelia, or even that she wanted her to play in any teams unless she _truly _wanted to. Her joy came out of the fact that this was something they could do together. This was something she could teach her daughter, and something her daughter had wanted to learn because Mommy played it. That alone was heartening in itself.

In the time after Amelia had been finishing therapy, JJ had noticed a very distinct change in the little girl. The only way she could describe it is that she had taken a step forward, past her hurdles, and she had done it well. For that, JJ would always be proud. And now, she was even more curious and inquisitive as ever. Amelia wanted to do and try everything. Especially now she had settled into school and was absorbing information like a sponge.

The latest change in her life, of course, was moving. Leaving the home that she had thus far grown up in, and into the house that all three of them had chosen.

It had been Emily that had brought it up, one night after they had been out for a night on the town with the team and some friends. And when she was asked, JJ found herself not hesitating even a little bit. Nothing had seemed more appropriate than taking the next step and moving in together. It wasn't as though they ever really spent time in their respective places alone. Emily was always at her house, or visa versa.

They had waited, of course. Until Amelia was really settled into school, when she had ended her sessions with Dr Bartlett. Waited until it was a comfortable time. And they had endeavored to involve her as much as possible. Something that seemed to have gone down really well. She had obviously felt like she had been given a say, that she had some control. And that's exactly what they had aimed to give her.

Emily had finally gotten the home that she had always wanted. The home that she hadn't had when growing up, like she had told JJ. Everything had started to really fall into place, and it felt good. Even her parents had been okay. Not overjoyed, but not detestable either. In fact, she was pretty sure that JJ had charmed them to a great degree, and Amelia had started to wrap them around her little finger. Kind of like herself and her Mother. Or pretty much anyone!

So now this was their home. They were a family. It could be chaotic, but what fun would it be if it was otherwise? Emily understood, even more so than before, the strength of the anchor it made. Understood in better detail of feeling, what made JJ cope with what she saw and dealt with. And she was right, it was torture sometimes. But the larger part was what negated that, was what became both of their saving graces.

JJ didn't run from her anymore. Didn't shut her out. She would bide her time to say some things, or still keep hold of a few things for herself, but that was okay. Good even. Emily didn't need to know everything; she didn't want JJ to divulge every single thing to her. Didn't want her to completely give up her privacy, or her mysteriousness. Because she loved those about her. Especially the mysteriousness. The way her eyes would sparkle sometimes, with something behind it that the profiler just couldn't place her finger on. And JJ knew it, she liked it.

''Oh wow, look at Mini-Jayj go!''

Smiling, Emily turned her head, surprised but not startled to see Garcia was stood next to her. She had been so deep in thought as she watched JJ teach Amelia out in the garden through the large kitchen window, that she hadn't even noticed the quirky blonde come in. Some FBI Agent! But then, Garcia did have a tendency to let herself in. And indeed, she was expected. As were the rest of the team, along with some family and friends. The official house warming dinner, that had been postponed goodness knew how many times due to work.

''JJ's certainly a proud Mamma Bear!''

The analyst continued, making Emily laugh and nod her head in agreement, now fully neglecting the chopping and preparation of food that she had been doing with some music for company.

''She won't admit it, but she's just as excited to teach it as Amelia is to learn it. Maybe more so!''

Garcia chuckled too, totally seeing that scenario as being true. As much as JJ could grumble about small town pressure during the seasons, everyone knew she had loved it. Everyone could tell she _still _loved it, due to her involvement at work. They way she proceeded to make the pitch hers, her unyielding concentration and endless show of skill and brilliant strategies. It was pointless for her to deny it, really.

''Word! I am here to help, my love, put me to work.''

Yet again, Emily found herself chuckling at Garcia's fine choice of phrases. She had always been taken away by Garcia, who wouldn't be. The woman was hilarious, as individual as they came, and just one of the nicest people she had ever met. She was a great friend. So it didn't take them long to start chattering away while working through the preparation, enjoying a good laugh over many things, singing along to a song or two and watching the soccer lesson before them outside.

Emily continued to inform Garcia that it wasn't just soccer Amelia was taking a shining to, but a few many other things too. Including one of her own passions, horse riding. Of course, she couldn't ride per say. Emily had ridden with her on Wicket, or as Amelia had gotten the bug, used one of the ponies at the stables. In those instances, she would be leading the pony with a guide rope, going through the motions with the youngster. Much like JJ was teaching her the motions of soccer.

She was picking up writing faster than anyone could blink, and enjoyed making up little stories. These days, more often than not, a bedtime story would be her making one up rather than her listening to one. And there was no doubt the girl had one serious imagination, which showed through in her drawings too. Her school had indicated that she had a liking to music too, hence her getting into that now also. The girl just didn't stop!

Emily realised that she must have zoned out again, because when she blinked herself back into reality, it was because of two arms wrapping themselves around her from behind. She smiled, relaxing back into JJ as she squeezed her lovingly, resting her chin on her shoulder and taking in a deep breath.

''Thank you.''

JJ said gently, squeezing Emily again softly.

''What for?''

''Everything.''

JJ knew she didn't need to expand. She had said what she meant in many different ways before, but right now, she needed to say it again. She needed to portray, not for proof or anything like that, but just for it to be there, what she felt. How things had changed so drastically, not all easy, but inevitably for the better.

''Well back at you beautiful!''

The comment made both of them laugh, and Emily turned in JJ's arms and moved to catch her mouth quickly, still smiling through the kiss. JJ returned it, before pulling back and then started to tease her girlfriend a little, moving to kiss her again but pulling back at the last second with a mischievous glint in her eyes. She giggled as Emily poked her in the side, making her body flinch.

''No, no, don't you dare! Don't start tickling me!''

Emily laughed, feeling like she was winning JJ's little playful battle.

''You'd better distract me somehow then, huh?''

She pointed out, raising a knowing eyebrow. A rather smug look coloured her eyes, but JJ didn't care, she leaned in and gave Emily what she wanted. Like she would always endeavor to.

''Em…?''

The blonde muttered between kisses, vaguely aware that they were expecting company at any second and that her daughter was outside with Garcia, but very much away of Emily's hands slipping underneath her t-shirt.

''Yeah?''

The shameless groping didn't stop, and neither did the heated kissing. But JJ started to step backward, pulling Emily with her, both blindly walking through the kitchen.

''Help me change!''

XXX

''Hey Jayj?''

Garcia waited a couple of beats, and upon getting no response whatsoever; she lifted her head up slightly to look at her best friend. She was still alive and breathing, however, it seemed that her fellow blonde goddess was completely engrossed in something.

''JJ?''

The oracle or all knowledge tried again, continuing to stare at her friend as she hovered by the high table they had snagged at the bar. It was moderately quiet, seeing as it was still quite early. But after finishing up the case, when they had found out they wouldn't be flying home until the morning from their current location in Texas, the team had opted for blowing off some steam.

That's how she, Garcia, Morgan and Reid had all ended up here with Detective Forbes Kent, who had offered to show them to the best rack and ribs joint in town. He had certainly been right, the meal had been amazing. Now they were just hanging out, having a good time.

That time consisted in the partaking of beer, and oddly enough, line dancing. Or, in Reid's case, attempted line dancing. Somehow, and JJ wasn't totally sure how, Detective Kent had managed to get Reid, Morgan and JJ onto the dance floor not so far away from the high table they had claimed for them to hang out at with their drinks. The owner here was a friend of his, and had put on a collection of music so that he could try and teach the Feds some moves. The decision had proved to be hilarious.

Garcia had already had her phone out to film the humiliation, both of them hanging by the beers just to let their dinner go down. Both of them having nearly split a gut laughing at the shenanigans before them.

Morgan was characteristically confident, being smug and taking the opportunity to show off as many times as he could. But, no one could deny that he was actually pretty good at it. Then again it was no surprise, they had all seen him hit the dance floor before, and the guy could move. He just knew it too much!

Emily, spurred on by being with her 'brothers' as JJ had come to observe was the air around those three, had done well also. Seemingly fascinated at watching the Detective show them the dance, and having fun repeating it. She was just as good as Morgan, if not better, but had no real awareness of it. She was in it for the silly fun, taking pleasure in just being able to relax and be goofy and geeky.

But poor Reid was of course, struggling behind. Awkward and rigid, looking as though he would rather be swallowed up whole than be put through this torture. Especially when Morgan kept teasing him, laughing when the kid couldn't repeat any of the sequences.

Finally, after the two older profilers had laughed at him some more, Emily took pity on him and took him under her wing. Slowing everything down, painstakingly so, to try and show him what to do. He tried to watch, and even gulped nervously at the part where they had to hold onto each other. Shy did not cover it. JJ thought he may have been so shy because he wasn't used to girls being all over him, even if it was one of his best friends. There was no attraction there, but Reid didn't need that to be embarrassed.

''_Jennifer_!''

Startling, JJ spun around, eyes widened a little at the sudden intrusion of her thoughts, especially when it seemed to her to come out of nowhere. Obviously, it hadn't. Garcia rarely called her Jennifer, and rarely said it in a way that was obviously meant to pierce through dazes.

The taller blonde gulped lightly, seeing that Garcia didn't look any kind of impressed, stood there with a raised eyebrow as she held onto the round of beers she had been for. That JJ had meant to go over and help carry back, but had gotten lost in watching her friends. She blushed a little, smiling timidly as she took some of the beers away from Garcia, so that she could manage to put the rest down.

''Sorry Penelope.''

Garcia lifted her other eyebrow as JJ quickly rested the beers on the table, smiled her apology, and let her attention move onto the others again. She couldn't help but smirk at the almost whimsical look on her friends face, and liked to see how brightly her eyes were shining. The woman was practically glowing, it was nice to see. Or at least, nice to have the time to really observe it. Plus, she could practically see the thoughts running through the younger woman.

As it was, JJ was thinking. And she had been thinking for the last couple of months. About many things. About work, and her role within the team. About the things she did that she didn't even think Hotchner knew about, but how she kind of liked that. She tended to like doing the behind the scenes stuff. Every now and again it was nice to know they realised it and appreciated it, but she didn't need constant praise. She loved her job; she was devoted to her job.

She had been thinking about personal things too. Her family, how happy they were to have her finally settle down. She had nearly died when her Mother had made a comment to Emily once about how they had never expected that it would be their lesbian daughter that they had to worry about getting knocked up unexpectedly! Emily had been in stitches as both her parents had continued, poking good hearted fun at their daughter, but making the underlying point that they had never been settled that she hadn't been able to settle. Probably because they knew how she felt about that, and all they wanted was the best for her.

She had been thinking about the future a lot in the past couple of weeks. About how far they had already come, how their lives had just gelled together. How much of a family they had become. It was like it had always been that way. Like, she hadn't raised Amelia for the first five years by herself, but like Emily had been right there too. That feeling was good.

JJ loved to watch Emily and Amelia interact. Whether it was at the stables, or when they baked together, or when they could pick her up from school. Even run of the mill stuff, getting ready in the mornings, or at nighttime. Or when they did any activity together, even just watching cartoons or something. Whatever it was, the sight always touched her. She didn't think that feeling would fade either; because it hadn't since the first time she felt it. It had become pretty obvious what both of them thought and felt about the other.

It seemed alien to her now, that she had almost passed up the opportunity. That she had almost let her fear win. It seemed so long ago, too. So many things had happened, personally and professionally. And it felt better to go through it with someone by her side. That was the thing she had been thinking of mostly, when she mused on the future. That she didn't want to ever not have Emily by her side.

Emily that had lived up to her promises. Emily that was compassionate and loyal, adorable and affectionate. Emily who had supported not only her through everything, but Amelia too. Emily who would play with her hair when they were sprawled out together reading or watching TV, who would do a million little random quirks she wasn't aware of, who would whisper to her in different languages when they made love, and who made her so unbelievably happy. Emily that a million and more things within her that JJ intended to explore throughout their future.

''Oh, just look at that gorgeous hunk of chocolate steal up there, be still my lions! You just know you want to drool at his bulging…''

''Stop! Right, there!''

JJ cringed as she turned around slowly, not at all interested in what Garcia was going to refer to in the least bit. But the devilishly innocent look on her friends face as she grinned up at her mischievously told her that she was going to be on the end of her whim.

''…biceps. So Jayj, who _were _you drooling over up there? The good Doctor?''

Yet again, JJ cringed, screwing her nose up at the sheer idea of perving on Reid. For one, she considered him a little brother. For two, if she were interested in men, which thankfully she was not, Reid would certainly not be in her taste range. She loved the boy to pieces, but he certainly didn't spark anything for her.

''Eeew, no! Don't say things like that, it freaks me out.''

Garcia chuckled, rolling her eyes slightly as JJ quivered, her face still screwed up a little like she had just sucked on sour lemons.

''Well then, I guess it must be the ever delectable Agent Prentiss your eyes are drawn to. Or not just your eyes, anyway!''

As Garcia wagged her eyebrows up and down suggestively, JJ ducked her eyes a little, eyes darting to the floor as she blushed again. The truth was, in that moment in time, she hadn't actually been 'perving' on her lover. She had been watching, smiling at her antics, watching her interact so freely. She was proud of her, because she knew Emily had been gradually feeling more and more like she fit in. She was proud because she was aware how much her girlfriend found it difficult to socialize with people, even if they were friends. And here she was, acting like she had grown up with the boys. And she had been thinking about each and every thought that had been crossing her mind for these past couple of months.

''I'm gunna marry her.''

At the mumble, Garcia stalled, beer glass almost at her lips. She was like a frozen statue for a moment, only her slow and steady breathing giving tell that she was still alive. That and her eyes bugging out slightly, as the words she thought she had heard echoed in her ears.

''Wha…what? What did you say?''

Clearing her throat, JJ took in a deep breath as she lifted her head again. A dazzling yet still mysterious and elusive smirk tugged on the corner of her lips, and if Garcia thought her eyes had been glowing before, then she didn't even know what they were doing now.

''I'm going to ask Emily to marry me.''

The statement, comfortably confident, radiating with emotion and meaning, seemed the loudest thing in the bar even though JJ's voice itself was still light. The buzz of excitement could be seen clearly both in her, and around her.

''I'm sorry, _commitment phobe_, once again just to be sure I heard that right.''

Garcia requested, still in a state of shock as she put her hand up to her ear to indicate like she hadn't heard it the first two times already. It made JJ chuckle ever so slightly, rolling her tongue over her lips before shaking in another short breathe.

''Once again – I'm going to ask Emily to _marry_ me.''

She repeated for her friend compliantly.

''_What_?''

Because she had turned her back to the others when she had started talking to her offbeat friend, and because Garcia was so intently focused on her, neither of them even saw that Emily was standing behind them. Just a few paces behind her girlfriend, now a little dazed by what she had heard. She would have dismissed it as her imagination, that was if she hadn't have heard it for a second time. Or if she hadn't recognized that tone in JJ's voice.

Emily's throat dried up, jaw dropping a little in shock as her eyes glazed over slightly as they dropped to the floor, those words hitting her with the full force of a fire truck. They almost made her stagger back. It wasn't the words, it wasn't fear, but it was the total unexpectedness of hearing it. One minute, everyone had just been goofing off, the next she had walked over to grab a drink and see if the other two girls were okay. Little did she know she would walk into a conversation of her girlfriend's intention to propose to her.

''Emily…''

Emily looked up again, hardly having noticed JJ say her name as she turned around. She didn't even register the cringe on the blonde's face.

''You…you really want to marry me?''

The brunette squeaked, not capable right now of hiding her genuine surprise. It wasn't as though she hadn't thought about it, she had. But she had always thought it would be either something they brought up together, or something that she would do. Something she would be the one to ask. Imaginings of moonlight walks or ridiculously romantic dinners, or maybe at home playing around in bed one morning. She had always thought she was the one that would inevitably spontaneously surprise JJ.

''I want to marry you, Emily. I want to spend the rest of our lives together; I want to add to our family. I want our future. I want to be your wife, and I want you to be mine.''

JJ answered, voice almost in a whisper but at the same time, so confident and sincere. She didn't even blink, just continued to look Emily in the eye, unwilling to drop that connection. Using the silent language they had built together to convey that every single word she had said was also felt, to the very bottom of her soul.

The two of them still stood there, JJ still with that smirk, Emily still in shocked awe with her jaw ajar, as Reid and Morgan wondered over. Both looked between the couple, then between themselves until they got up to them. As they came to a halt and no one spoke, Morgan raised his eyebrows and pointed at them as he looked at Garcia.

''Jayj just asked Emily to marry her.''

She whispered, a crack forming in her voice after having watched the display. She had practically been pushed back by the weight of emotion passing between her two friends, whose attention she gave back to.

''What she say?''

Reid whispered, frowning in confusion as he looked between JJ and Emily who were still just standing there, looking at each other. He'd never seen anything quite like it. Weren't they supposed to be excited, jumping around or something like that?

''Nothing yet, I think JJ broke her!''

Garcia responded quietly.

''I have a ring.''

JJ finally declared softly, having tuned out the mutterings of her friends. The only thing that mattered right now was Emily. So she turned, rummaging through her casual suite jacket that she usually wore with the jeans she had on. She had been carrying the ring she had picked out for two whole weeks now. Musing over when would be the best time, how she would ask. Generally getting up the nerve to ask. It wasn't that she thought Emily would say no, but at the same time she had never ever done anything like this before. Then, she had also never lived with anyone before. And certainly never loved anyone like she loved Emily.

Turning around again, the nervous blonde, aware she was trembling a little now, opened the box and proffered it out toward Emily. She smirked ever so slightly at the round of 'ooohs' from their three onlookers, but kept her eyes that were watering up on her stalled lover.

''Em, say something already or I'm getting down on my knee.''

She threatened lightly, sniffling as she smiled. The threat must have done some good, either that or Emily had just processed what was going on, because she blinked and looked up and back into reality again. This time with a definite glow in her dark brown eyes.

''Ask me again.''

JJ beamed, trying to hold back the floodgates that threatened to open. Because her gut knew that this was it. This was the moment. Their lives, yet again, was going to change indefinitely.

''I didn't intend to do this here, but it doesn't matter. Emily Prentiss, I love you with everything I am, and everything I have. Will you marry me?''

It was Emily that broke first, not being able to stop the single tear that escaped her left eye, let it roll down her cheek as it was closely followed by one on the right side. The overwhelmed brunette bit down on her bottom lip lightly, smiling softly through it as her breath caught in her chest and her head nodded lightly.

''Yes, I'll marry you.''

She croaked, the smile growing wider as she heard the words she had spoken. The words that resonated the whole way through her. The words that meant so much to their future, that portrayed what it was going to be.

Glancing for a second at their friends, JJ moved to close the gap that still lingered between herself and Emily, instantly wrapping her hands around her neck and pulling her in for a strong, deep kiss. She didn't care who else was in the bar. Hell she didn't even care they were in Texas. The woman of her dreams had just agreed to marry her, and she was damn well going to kiss the socks off of her.

Unnoticed by them, Garcia, Morgan and Reid all grinned and laughed. Morgan clapped Reid on the back, before looping his arm around Garcia and pulling her into his side, squeezing her gently as she looped her arms around him. She just beamed, still sniffling with glistening eyes, at her friends, glancing up as Morgan placed a kiss on her head and took a deep, relieved and happy breath in.

After a couple of minutes or so of pure making out, JJ finally pulled back, aware that oxygen was greatly becoming an issue. Even though she panted quietly after the kiss, she kept grinning. Didn't think she would stop grinning for quite some time, especially as she reached and took Emily's hand to lift it up.

Carefully, she took the ring from the box, which she then tossed over to Reid so it was out of her way. Looking directly into Emily's eyes again, she slipped it onto her finger, using once again their silent understanding to convey what this meant to her. To try and express just how much she loved Emily. And all she saw was the same thing reflected back to her. After everything they had already been through, she knew they would be okay. From the very first time she set eyes on Emily, she knew something would happen. From the very first kiss, she knew it would never be their one and only. From the first time they made love, she knew she would explore that body a million times and never cease to be awed. From the first time Emily and Amelia set eyes on one another, she knew Emily would be a great Mother. And from the first time they said they loved each other, she knew it wouldn't break.

JJ had admittedly lost sight of these fundamental things she knew to be true sometimes, but she also knew that she always felt them somewhere deep down. And from this moment on, she knew there really was nothing that could break them. Like she knew Emily felt and thought exactly the same things.

Reaching up, Emily cupped JJ's face, using her thumb to stroke away some of the tears before pulling her forward again, this time initiating a slower kiss, but lacking absolutely nothing. The perfect kiss for the perfect moment. Through that kiss, promises were made, and ideas for the future were shared.

Garcia, after having sniffled and cooed at her friends for another moment, watching the intense display and feeling honored to have done so, looking up at Morgan with a smirk.

''Can I bunk in your room tonight, 'cos I'm seriously not getting any sleep next to theirs!''


End file.
